happiness is based on an internal locus and not and external locus for sure - people are chasing everything to be happy to no avail.
Your are right, and JWs are all about the external. They put off true happiness until the new system. They pick and choose negative things in the world to create unhappiness among member, again external things. They don't teach happiness as an inside game, but rather something to be gained by doing the will of the cult at best. There is where the happiness is supposed to lie, but it never comes.
She is too proud to go to therapy , see faults in herself , but so quick to blame me for her unhappiness all the time.
When I talked about ego earlier, I talked about it in the sense of identity more than of pride. "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle was really good in helping me to address those issues in myself, just in case you're interested. I don't honestly think that pride is the issue as much as identity. Blame is a way to protect the ego, the identity. You are likely right in the humility would help her, but she has put on this religion as her entire identity and probably doesn't know who she is without it. It might be more fear that prevents her from looking at herself with humility than pride.
is she trying to destroy our relationship and blame me or is she that blind to her behavior that she thinks she is doing good.
Be careful not to ascribe too much intent to all of this. She is hijacked by cult programming. She is not herself. The cult moralizes all behaviors but sometimes people behave automatically based on programming. My guess is that she is scared and uses all of those other things like yelling to distract herself from it. Now, whether or not she wakes up in time to save things is another question. I don't personally think many people are just bad people, they're usually hurt. Hurt people hurt people.
You woke up on your time frame. She will have to do the same. For years someone probably could have shown you the truth about the truth and you wouldn't have listened. You have to be ready for it. That doesn't mean that you will still be around when and if she does wake up. Maybe she never will. She has a ton to lose if she does. That's terrifying. Some people are truly truth seekers like yourself. You put the truth first, even willing to lose everything for it. Not everyone is wired that way. For many it is more important to protect what they have and to maintain the comfort of the status quo.
I know this is going to sound weird but I believe it to be right. Ego begets ego. If you go at her being defensive she will be put on the defensive too. I think you may have to win her over by apologizing for putting her in a strange position in the organization, but then letting her know kind of what you said above. You didn't go seeking this out. You wouldn't risk losing everything without good reason.
I couldn't keep my mouth shut about the things I saw in the organization as I started to get healthier. My wife did not like it. She would let me vent but didn't like me doing it. She knew she couldn't stop me, lol. She also knew that I was a good person with a good heart and she trusted me. At one point I finally got her to open up to me. I set her at ease by letting her know that most everyone has some sort of doubts and that if she put hers out there nothing would change. After all, she still has the doubts she has, only now we could talk about it. If she didn't like it, I told her she could always pack up her doubts and put them away and tell me to do the same with mine. That conversation started so much for us. It took time to get her at ease enough to join me in that conversation though. I had to change my tune as well from ranting and upset to humble and sincere.
I hope this helps some. I'm no therapist, just a jackass that grew up in a cult and read a lot of great books and listened to a lot of great podcasts to help readjust my thinking on life, to broaden my horizons, and to challenge my perspectives.
