Just lost our parents....

by 2escaped lifers 48 Replies latest jw friends

  • Tinkerbell4125

    Brandon, just read your post. I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through this. I wish that I had had this forum back years ago when I went through the same thing. My father started studying *again* and he told me basically that he would shun me like mother did. I didn't have contact with them for almost 13 years. I wish I had the knowledge then that I have now. Sometimes we have to give ourselves what we didn't get from them. So take care of yourself, love yourself, don't let their unfortunate attitudes effect the way you feel about yourself. I still have j.w. siblins that shun me. It's tough, but they truly believe that they are doing the right thing. It's sad and it hurts. It's emotional blackmail. Just let them know that your heart will always be open to them. Hang in there and know that you have people here that care about you and that we are here for you.

    ((((((big hugs)))))


  • Joyzabel

    (((((Brandon))))) & ((((((wife)))))) & (((((((kids))))))

    I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are so right that they are under mind control. Continue to love them and pity them. Maybe someday they will come to their senses. If not, you have your own little family and YOUR FREEDOM.

    Vent here because the hurt doesn't magically go away, it just gets less the more time goes on.



  • Emma

    I admire your courage and the love you have for your own family. Ask for help you may need. This is the beginning of a new life of release and freedom; things will not always be easy in the next few weeks, but you've done a generous thing for your children. They will not have to go through this in the future. Good for you!


  • Scully

    Brandon & Family

    Sorry to hear about this. As you say, the reaction was predictable and nonetheless painful.

    I hope you and your wife do NOT play by the Organization's rules and attend any Judicial Committee meeting that is held, the same way I would hope that you didn't attend your own lynchings.

    Now that you have stated openly that you do not consider yourselves to be JWs any longer, they may just view you as Disassociated?, and make an announcement to that effect. However, you might do well to talk to a lawyer to draw up a letter that requires the elders to stop contacting you for any reason and to forbid them to slander you and your wife by making ANY announcement regarding your status in the congregation. Make sure that individual elders are named and that any threat of legal action is against individual elders, not the Watchtower Society. Use quotes from the WTS media website that state that "simply leaving" the JWs does not result in the break up of families, and that you will regard any such announcements as slander and alienation of affection with respect to your family.

    When elders realize that they could lose their homes if you decide to sue them for slander, when the WTS plainly states that "simply leaving" does not result in any sanctions against the individuals for so doing, the WTS will not back them financially.

    It's your life and your family's life now. Play by your own rules, not JW rules.

    Love, Scully

  • Country_Woman

    ((((Brandon & Family))))

    I don't have enough words to express how sad that is.
    There is a saying "time heals all wounds" I hope that this one will heal too.


  • waiting

    Hello Brandon,

    Sorry about your situation ...... but you came out of this with your immediate family in tact. Congratulations! Enjoy your freedom - teach your children not to live in fear, and teach them to really look at all sides.

    Are you going to let your children have the fun of learning about holidays? Family get togethers? Trick or treating? The years we've missed.......................

    They, of course, said that WE were forcing them to shun us, that it was our decision to break up the family. Unbelievable, isn't it.

    I remember thinking that too. I was a jw woman for 30 yrs - but I could never hardline like your parents are doing. Just couldn't - and then stupidly felt guilty about not being able to stifle my love of child. duh.

    I hope you and your wife do NOT play by the Organization's rules and attend any Judicial Committee meeting that is held, the same way I would hope that you didn't attend your own lynchings. - scully

    Great point! Don't play into their mind games - it's not fair to you or your wife. They will NOT let you make any pertinent points - they're brainwashed, remember?

    You're free of them - "teach your children well."

    Read, learn, chat, and learn to enjoy your freedom. Perhaps some day, your parents might join you - but they have to make the same steps we all do....and it's hard.

    Congratulations - and it gets easier.


  • 2escaped lifers
    2escaped lifers

    ((((((ALL of YOU!!!)))))) Thank you all so much for your kind words and so much encouragement!!!! We also want to thank you all for your advice and support. It truly helps to know that we're NOT alone even though both sets of our parents practically screamed this at us.A friend of mine said just don't tell them because you'll be cut off ."You don't know what it's like," she said. Her mother died last year and she wishes for more time with her. I know I shouldn't say this but it would be less painful to know that your mother died loving you than to never talk to them again, and to know that they are SHUTTING OFF their love for you because of a rule they have to follow. At least Brandon's parents did cry and tell him that they loved him, but they had to "be faithful to jehovah." He asked them if they believed that they were truly being faithful to Jehovah, or were they being faithful to the organization. You can guess the response. Anyway, the wave of tears is back. Thank you all again, Stephanie and Brandon

  • Poztate
    I'll post more on our discussions with them and the coming JC crap shortly.

    Sad but true...The WT and their cruel and inhumane shunning rules always come before family and natural,normal relationships.Why even go to the bother of a JC ? It would seem to only validate the whole process and the answer would remain the same.

    My thoughts are with you.


  • blondie

    Brandon and family,

    I am a fader but my family "DF'd" me on their own years before. It makes you wonder what kind of "love" these people have that they can turn it off so quickly. Loyalty to an organization is not what Jesus taught. It will be tough and rough at first, but as you find your way and make new "real" friends, the loss of old relationships or the illusion of such will get dimmer. Hug your wife and kids because they are the most important thing, protecting them from spiritual abuse.


  • DanTheMan

    Hey JW lurkers reading this thread, what do you think????????

    What an absolute crock of shit religion, SHAME ON YOU WATCHTOWER!

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