Just lost our parents....

by 2escaped lifers 48 Replies latest jw friends

  • little witch
    little witch

    I am so sorry for you and your families, Lifers.

    I want to encourage you not to give up. This was their reaction to the initial shock, and considering what the tower teaches of what becomes of apostates, your folks are scared silly, and concerned for your well-being, to the point that they are using any means possible to keep the status quo.

    Perhaps some time apart from their grandchildren will cause them to ponder the value of shunning. Remember, this will hurt them too. Be patient. Be open. And remember, the best revenge is to live well. (revenge to the tower, I mean, not to your parents).

    I send my best wishes to you and your family guys, from the bottom of my heart.

  • Shakita

    Brandon, Stephanie, and family,

    I am so sorry. I wish that I could do something, or say something that could help you guys. Your pain is felt by everyone here. This same sad senerio is played out over and over again by the hardliners in the JW organization bringing pain that will never heal to countless families. There are families, like ours, that do not shun family members, even if they leave the organization. I know plenty of families from previous congregations that did not shun their children or parents just because the org. told them to do so. Bring this up with your parents, maybe if they know that shunning isn't strictly followed by all JW's, they might change their hardheaded stance with you.

    My thoughts are with you during this hard time.....This is why my husband and I left the org...they wanted us to shun our child, instead we left. It was the best thing we ever did.

    Take care.

    Mrs. Shakita

  • waiting
    At least Brandon's parents did cry and tell him that they loved him, but they had to "be faithful to jehovah." He asked them if they believed that they were truly being faithful to Jehovah, or were they being faithful to the organization. You can guess the response.

    I have a nephew in this same predicament. He was df'd in his late teens - for doing what the majority of teens do - act pretty much normal.

    He's now 32, married to a beautiful wife, with truly precious beautiful children. His parents didn't even come to his wedding. His mother cried to me "I kow her parents think we're evil for not coming to C...... wedding. But I tried to send his new wife a nice gift to make up for it."

    They've seen the oldest grandchild 3 times....and the 2 yr old youngest boy - never. His parents met with him 3 times to see grandchild - but never "sharing a meal" ....and their son tried so hard to keep contact - sending videos of kids, cards, etc. His mother finally wrote to him that it was too hurtful to her to see her grandchildren in pictures with Christmas trees etc....and it was necessary for both parents to cut ALL association...but that they still loved the whole family. Really.

    My brother in law was telling my husband that C....... was celebrating Christmas. My husband looked at him & said "You know you're only hurting yourself & your wife by shunning C. He's found a new family and happy."

    No response.

    Btw, my husband was with his jw family visiting an ancient ailing uncle. 4 of the older ones encouraged him constantly to "get back to the meetings" and "read the latest Watchtower." Not once was the Bible even mentioned. JW's are faithful to the WTBTS - not the bible.

    Enjoy the family you have - you've earned it. Soooooo many sad - yet encouraging - posts on this thread.

    (sorry - it's necessary to vent now & again.)

    May the Watchtower be damned for the pain they've intentionally caused.

  • 2escaped lifers
    2escaped lifers

    Greetings again,

    Thank you so much, everyone!!!!!!!! For your empathy, your kind words of comfort and advice!!!

    We are looking forward to seeing the looks on the elders' faces when we tell them that since we no longer consider ourselves Jehovah's Witnesses, and that since the Org is not what it claims to be, nor has the authority it claims to have, we consider our baptism null and void and really have no reason to even discuss anything with them - much less attend any committee meeting or write any official disassociation letter or such. We are also considering, depending upon their reaction to this, on following the advice given earlier in this thread to threaten them with libel and slander lawsuits if anything is publicly announced about us.

    An update on the parents thing: My wife's parents (her mom was the one that yelled at her on the phone about the kids dying at the BIG "A") have said that regardless of whether we are disfellowshipped or not, they now consider us "Bad Associations" TM and will have little or nothing to do with us any longer. Of course, a few months from now, I guarantee they will be on the platform at an assembly being praised as righteous martyrs for their faithfulness to the Org for dutifully shunning their wicked apostate children. PUKE!!!!!!!!

    My parents, who said that we were apostates now and that they would shun us, are actually starting to back pedal on that and are trying to find a loophole to keep association open with us. My mom tried to talk me into rewording what we told them the other night, so that it wouldn't sound so apostate. MOM = "We already knew, because you quit going to the meetings, that you didn't believe it anymore. Why did you have to say that you wanted no association with it anymore - that was dissassocation."

    Maybe, if they can perform the feats of logic to believe some of the WT stuff, maybe they can manipulate it in their own minds to associate with us - who knows?

    Thanks again for all the understanding and kindness!!!!!!!


  • TresHappy

    I informed my loved ones that I no longer considered myself a JW either, and the shunning happened for a while. After a while though, they started speaking to me again and they have decided not to join the rest of us this year for Thanksgiving, even though it was held at their house the past few years (not really Thanksgiving, we're just eating turkey because our employer gave it to us...) pleez....

  • Dansk
    We are looking forward to seeing the looks on the elders' faces when we tell them that since we no longer consider ourselves Jehovah's Witnesses, and that since the Org is not what it claims to be, nor has the authority it claims to have, we consider our baptism null and void and really have no reason to even discuss anything with them - much less attend any committee meeting or write any official disassociation letter or such.

    WooHoo You've just made thousands of your comrades here deliriously happy - myself included!

    Brandon, Stephanie and Family, if you keep this up you'll have one of the fastest recoveries here on record!

    But a word of advice - which was given to me and WORKS - is to sit back and chill out for at least six months; to take stock of your situation and what you want out of life. Don't rush things. Come here regularly, read the posts that attract you and even ask for advice if you need to. There are plenty of excellent counsellors here. You're in for a roller-coaster ride of emotions - but stick to your principles and you'll all come through it head and shoulders high. Believe me, I've been where you are!


    Dansk and Family

  • ChimChim

    I'm sorry i hope everything turns out ok in the end!


  • Sunnygal41

    {{{{{{{{Brandon}}}}}}}! Hugs to you and your wife and the boys!!! We've ALL been thru this.........I myself just asked my sister for photos of my nephews the other day and she said she felt uncomfortable about giving them to me. I vented and got lots of loving encouragement from everyone here! You are NOT alone! We are all feeling your pain and disappointment. As you already (intellectually) knew, it's the brainwashing they've been subjected to. Be joyful that you and your family saw thru it and are liberating yourselves from a controlling cult. That will sustain you thru the dark hours of emotional rejection you will be feeling. It's okay to hurt, it only reinforces that you have a heart that FEELS! You are a NORMAL human being! I also want to say that it takes GUTS to do what you and your family did. It's alot easier to stay and just pretend than it is to stand up and be true to your convictions. I've been out for 5 years and life is sooo much better. It has hurt, but, it has made me a happier person too and soon you will be looking back in wonder at how time has flown and how sad and ridiculous the teachings and beliefs are. You will feel pity for them. I loved the example you used, btw! Have to use it someday myself!!!

    Love and hugs,


  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie

    No, Brandon...yall've shown only love and respect for them by telling them "up front" and leaving your door "open" to them.... they are the ones who're allowing themselves to be persuaded to shun you over a difference of opinion about how to worship......yall're not forcing them to do anything.......

    We know how hard this is for yall....it takes lotsa courage and I hope it will be something to wake them up in the future....you might consider allowing them only "supervised" visits with your kids, since there's a danger of them continuing to attempt to teach them false and unloving doctrines behind yall's backs....it would also show the g/parents that there's a "flip-side" to their beliefs.....


    Frannie B

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