Just lost our parents....

by 2escaped lifers 48 Replies latest jw friends

  • 2escaped lifers
    2escaped lifers


    Well, the shunning begins. We finally had "THE" discussion with my parents, that we no longer consider ourselves JW's, and a little bit of why we felt that way. Of course, "dad the elder and PO" and mom the pioneer dutifully informed us that not only will they be "loyal to the organization" and shun us completely, but that he would immediately let the other elders know, so that proper judicial action could be taken.

    It was a heart wrenching discussion, with all of us, including my two young boys (9 and 10) all balling our eyes out. We told my parents that we loved them, and would always love them. We said that our house will always be open to them, no matter what. They, of course, said that WE were forcing them to shun us, that it was our decision to break up the family. Unbelievable, isn't it. I told them that saying that was like a terrorist telling an uncooperative hostage that it is his/her fault that the terrorist has to kill other hostages. They didn't get it, the mind control is too strong in them (they've been active JW's since the 50's).

    Anyway, even though we knew this was coming and could predict their response, it is still very difficult to know that they will never talk to us again or acknowledge our presenece even if we meet them in the aisle at Wal Mart. My extended family is also active in the cult, so soon they will follow suit and shun as well. My wife's parents (also "pillars" of the congregation) will inform us today of their decision whether or not to shun us. We all know what the answer will be, so her parents and extended family will be "dead" to us shortly as well.

    I don't have time to go into details here, but I'll post more on our discussions with them and the coming JC crap shortly.

    Best regards to all here,


  • Xena

    I am sorry to hear your family is taking this stand....I guess all I can say is that sometimes time makes a difference.

  • Special K
    Special K

    So sorry for all these losses Brandon..

    I went through exactly the same thing. My husband and I and two young kids 5 and 2 1/2 , exited and was disfellowshipped 10 years ago. We lost most of my family to the borg. It was hard on the kids.too...

    I certainly sympathize with the ripping the heart right out of you and stomping on it type thing that the WTS promotes.

    It is an UNNATURAL thing for parents and sibblings to be turned on each other like this.

    It sure emphasizes the cult like qualities of the "jehovahs witness religion:

    Suggest that you might want to pick up a copy of "Releasing the Bonds" by Steven Hassan..

    well worth the read and may help you understand more fully the "cult characteristics" of this group as well as helping to help escape from them.

    all the best...chin up.. tears are good, there were many long cries for me too.


    Special K

  • Celia

    How can they say on their official website, that disfellowshipping does not break up families ?

  • JeffT

    Words fail me. I guess you showed them who really has love when you said your house would always be open. If you can stay in contact somehow, maybe things will change somehow. Best wishes, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  • unbeliever

    You are under no obligation to go to that Kangaroo Court. As soon as they get the scoop from your parents they will have already found you guilty. You might want to monitor closely how much contact the grandparents have with your boys.. They might try and indoctrinate them behind your back. Keep us posted on what happens.

  • jgnat

    Sorry to hear that Brandon. Hold your head high, hug your little family close, take care of those boys of yours....

    What else can I say? There is probably little you can to to change your parent's mind, unless a rude shock shakes them out of their self-created prison.

  • invictus

    2escaped lifers,

    what to say but be strong and don`t feel quilty about your decision - your kids will one day be grateful for what you did.It is so hard to go through so much pain and when you think over what? stupid rules even worse stupid man -made rules that are tearing families apart - more proof that wt is not loving nor Christian organization.

    URGHHH - I truly hate what they do to people and I will pray for you to find peace and support you need now more then ever. Please keep on posting and express your feelings as much as you need. Maybe it would help to get in touch with some ex-JWS in your area.

    whatever you do I`ll be thinking of you and hoping that you will stay strong and together as a family, and there is always hope that your parents and your relatives might start thinking about all this situation.

    take care.


  • starfish422

    Brandon, I'm very, very sorry about your parents' decision. Sounds *exactly* like what I went through ten years ago when I left as well. Do you have a support network outside of your family that you, your wife and sons can rely on? ((((HUGS))))

    Take care.

  • HadEnuf


    My heart goes out to you and your family. I have been shunned for the past two years by my mom, sister and brother and it still hurts (not df'd or da'd...just "faders")...but less as time goes on. The saddest part is that my mom will never get to know her great granddaughter and her great grandson who is due any day now. Yup...the Watchtower does not practice Christianity...just organized cruelty. Hang in there. You will always have the support and love of this group here who have also walked in your shoes.

    Cathy L.

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