by tyydyy 65 Replies latest social relationships
I was brought up believing that if your steady squeeze walked into the room and found you in bed with another, and you were, um, way past intromission, that you still denied it. You claimed it was an optical illusion brought on by a sudden shift in the magnetic poles, anything, but don't admit your member was someplace it shouldn't be.
Hey! I was taught that. I didn't invent it. Just thought I'd throw that in.
francois
Ok I will get real .. but I thought my real comment was a bit offensive .. but anyways here goes .. four simple words ..
"I'm a lying Cu*t"
monk3y of the getting real variety
monk3y...chill...lol
Tyydyy, use some imagination, man! Take her out to dinner in a crowded restaurant, tell her you're gay (no guilt for her then) and hand her a business card for a psychotherapist, in case she may feel the need to use it....and walk away....She won't be hurt, believe me....Bewildered that she didn't know? Yes....Stunned? Yes....Angry? Probably...but hurt? No....
Frannie B
The only guy who ever broke up with me said it was because he met someone else and wanted to go out with her. I didn't care, I wasn't in love, but I thought it was pretty unnecessarily rude. The "whole truth" is sometimes overrated.
Simply tell her that your interest in her is not romantic. She's a nice person, but you are realize your feelings are platonic. Leave it at that, don't keep talking, that's where people go wrong.
Just one woman't perspective.
Happyout
First of all I would like to thank you all for the input. I haven't had internet access but I have been kept abreast of your thoughts and I did take it into consideration.
I would like to explain that I didn't feel right about a relationship with her from the beginning. She told me that she wanted me to be monogamous after we had been out 3 times. She knew that I had a few "female friends". At that time I didn't think it would last more than a week or two and I fully intended to be monogamous. Oh and by the way, she asked me that when we were naked in bed. What am I supposed to say at that point? "Um no I don't think I want to have sex with just one woman"???? That would have really spoiled the mood. I did tell her that I had no intention of getting serious and yet she got serious on me in less than 3 weeks. She kept making plans for the future. She even bought a house and suggested that there was room for me and my daughter. She told me that she was having very strong feelings for me and asked me what I thought of that. I told her "I don't think that's a good idea." I explained at that point that "I'm not in love with you but I do enjoy hanging out with you" I told her that I thought that there was a good chance that she would get hurt if she had feelings for me. She told me "You're not responsible for my feelings".
I was dating her because I found her interesting and attractive. I did not want to have a serious relationship or a long term relationship. In hind sight, I should have been more clear about that. I should tell every woman I meet that I'm just looking for sex buddies. Right? Come on! We all know that dating is a game. Rarely do we find someone that we can be completely honest with especially if we don't want to settle down right now. It can happen and it has. I have at least 4 female "freinds" who are ok with that.
Anyway. Last night I did tell her that I didn't have feelings of love for her and that I didn't think it was possible. I explained that we had some very important differences in our personalities that made it impossible to progress. I told her that it wasn't that there was a problem with her. She agreed. She got angry saying that when we made love she saw things in my eyes that told her that I felt differently. She felt that I was being dishonest. I told her that in that moment, what I felt was genuine but it may not have been what she thought it was. I apologized and took my verbal beating without any more defense. She still wants me to come back and do some electrical work for her.
For the record. STDs are not an issue. I use protection. Also I didn't see anyone new during that period. The only women I was with were ones that I had been with just prior to her.
It's interesting to see some still clinging to the judgemental attitudes that we were taught in the borg. Yes, I am different than most but if you were to talk to the people who know me, including my ex, you would find that although I do make some bad decisions I am still a decent human being.
Again thanks for the advice. It worked.
TimB
Just a piece of advice for ya in the future. If you're not looking for a LTR, tell the woman "I'm not looking for anything serious". That way, if she falls in love with you, it's her own damn fault for getting involved. However, the same goes for you. If you date a woman who doesn't want anything serious and you fall for her, it's your own damn fault. However, never state that you're looking for a fbuddy, or you'll fit into the "typical guy" genre. Develope a Short Term Relationship. It can be done.
Leading women on isn't right when it comes to the issue of Love. In her eyes, you turn into a rotten bastard, and she'll do her damn best to make your life a living hell. However, if you tell her you're not serious and stick to your guns, she'll have noone else to blame but herself. She'll never admit it, but she'll know it.
There is a bonus to all this - if you tell her that you're not looking for anything serious, she'll try to win you over. You'll end up recieving gifts, favors, and great sex. Hopefully you'll look at this as a benefit, and NOT use it to your own advantage.
Just some advice from someone who's been down that road.
tyydyy-
I should tell every woman I meet that I'm just looking for sex buddies. Right?
You are a good-looking guy, I doubt this would present much of a problem. I personally would respect a man if he admitted that all he wanted was booty. I've done it.
Nosferatu,
Good advice, imho. I did tell her that I wasn't looking to get serious. I even reminded her and warned her not to get serious with me. Would have been content (and monogamous) with a short term relationship. I found her interesting and wanted to get to know her. When she began having "strong feelings" for me I knew I had to cut it off but then I kept worrying about timing. For example: She had noone but me to help her move her 3 bedroom apt full of stuff this last weekend. I couldn't tell her before this weekend because ending it then would leave her without help at the last minute. The weekend before she had a party at her house and if I dumped her just before that it would be humiliating. So this has gone on for longer than I wanted it to because I was trying to be nice.
I want to know more about how to get some of these gifts and favors though. Could you help me a little more with that one. :) I did get an all expense paid first class trip to Vegas once from a woman I never met before or since. I'm not sure how that happened though. One of those internet things.
Stinkypantz,
I have had some success with that approach but you can usually tell right away if a woman is open to that kind of thing. Some are and some aren't. Some seem to want to get to know you first and then progress to the thing that us guys really want.
TimB
Interesting comments all the way around. For the record I was the one that suggested tyydyy post this, he needed some relationship advise and I figured this might be a good place for him to get some....lol I was right wasn't I????
We are both still new to the dynamics of relationships and while what he did wasn't right he was caught unawares by this woman's request that they not be intimate with other people. He has an unfortunate habit of saying yes to people to make them happy at the moment and then facing the consequences of his agreeing to something he might not really want to do at a later time. Trust me though he has learned a valuable lesson from this! lol I doubt he will agree to monogamy again for a very very very very LONG time.
