Jehovah's Witness Recovery is no more...
I hadn't used JWR in a while, but guys...abruptly shutting the forum down was kind of a douche-bag thing to do to people who were in need of support.
By kicking them to the curb, you may have very well kicked some back to the org...good job.
This is going to sound harsh and might upset a few people, which isn't my intention, but the site shutting down may be a blessing in disguise for many.
Forums like these are vital in helping vulnerable people, like those who are just exiting from the JWs. We have all been there and know how valuable they can be.
But there is a harmful aspect that people need to be cautious of and that is how easily people can become reliant on these sites.
I see these sites as an aid to recovery from the trauma of being exposed to a harmful cult like religion. They help people with the transition from cult life, to being strong enough to be able to live and cope with the real world. To become just a normal person if you like.
Long term dependence on these sites inhibits the ability for people to move on properly with their lives and living in the real world. Full recovery from the JWs is the only healthy place people leaving should aspire to and that means living and coping in the world outside the religion.
If people linger around sites like JWR too long, they can end up in a situation of permanent reliance. That's when sites like these become unhealthy.
The fact that so many people are coming here from JWR feeling such loss makes me suspicious that they have become too dependent, when really they could and should have moved on before now.
Won't apply to everyone obviously. Some people who are out but have believing family can't just move on, for example.
But I feel that people need to ask the question that if the abrupt dissolving of a web site upsets them that much, have they really moved on with their lives for the better? Rather than make this site "your new home", maybe it's time to embrace the real world and truly leave behind all things JW.
Oh, and just to explain why I'm here, I got sucked back just because I wanted to challenge one of the members on here who persistently cheats in their arguments.
I must have been feeling weak that day.
Not everyone moves at the same pace Giles...and not everyone on here is an Ex-JW. You can't forget the people like myself still stuck in and in need of a place to vent our frustrations to people who actually 'get it'.
As I pointed out, there are people that are trapped in and my heart goes out to them, it really does.
My post was more to try to encourage people who could and maybe should have moved on to put the past fully behind them and move on to a richer life free from anything JW.
There is so much more in life to attain when you fully move on.
I was very saddened when I tried to log on this morning! Due to health problems, I haven't been around much at all! I do hope more find their way here!
I would like to give a big Thank You, to everyone that made JWR happen!
I also want to give a bug Thank You, out to all the wonderful friends, I made there! And to so many willing to reach out with open harts and arms, to so many, crushed ones!
It's good to see so many of you here. The decision to shut JWR down was done in a, well, interesting way, but Rifter is a no nonsense kind of guy! I am sure that a great deal of thought went into this decision and that he knew, as I do, that it's going to be fine. Those of us who need to can find each other here, and for some of us it is an opportunity to think about moving on as well. It's so nice for us to be able to come and go as we please; mods don't get to do that. So thank you Rifter, Palimpsest, DS, Moxie, Mickey Mouse and everyone who kept JWR going as long as you did. It was a wonderful place to heal.
Even though I'm not a JWR refugee, I was on JWR as well under the name TIMEQUAKE (another Vonnegut novel). In the beginning I posted a little, but in the past year or so I was just popping over sporadically, taking a look, and giving a "thanks" every now and then.
The reason I signed up there a few years back was just for a change of pace.
JWN (or JWC) is a lot like New York City: fast-paced, lots of amazing stuff too look at in every direction, lots of really great, diverse people (as well as a few weirdos talking to themselves). There's also the occasional sidewalk scuffle; but like in NY, I usually just cross to the other side of the street.
JWR was a little more like Club Med: a much slower, relaxed vibe, cool people, and amazing frozen Margaritas I think that up until (but certainly not including) the End they really created a great place for "recovery."
Anyway, welcome everybody! I think it'll be great to have you guys in the mix.
Rifter is a no nonsense kind of guy! I am sure that a great deal of thought went into this decision and that he knew, as I do, that it's going to be fine.
I had a lot of respect for Rifter right up until this happened. I don't care how 'no nonsense' a person is nor how much thought they put into a bad decision. When people serve a purpose to a vulnerable group of people they have a responsibility to those people. While it may have seemed to the admin that this decision came after a lot of time and thought, it was ended in a way that was abrupt and irresponsible to the vulnerable members of their community. You just don't cut people off who need support. And you cannot say that it will be fine. It may be fine for Rifter and the other admin. It will probably be fine for a number of people who are further along in their recovery, or who don't need much recovery. But for some, this will not be fine. You can make a generalized statement like that for all people, but that doesn't make it a true nor a valid statement. What you do when you state something like that is try to make something okay, which is not okay. You attempt to validate an action which is wrong. It was wrong to end a support forum the way they have ended it.
I am perfectly okay that they chose to shut down their site. There is absolutely a valid point being made that people in recovery can become too dependent on a support group. But that isn't anyone's decision to make, but the person in recovery. It has to happen on their timeline, or if their timeline doesn't fit with a necessary change then the community leaders have a responsibility to set a timeline and make it known to their community. If a group whose very name spells out recovery is intent on closing for the benefit of the people running it, then they should give their members a set time to say their goodbyes, have some semblance of closure, collect their history, and reach out to people they want to stay in contact with. It surely couldn't have hurt the admin to have a week or a two-week period to do just that.
I always thought Rifter was an empathetic and reasonable kind of person. I think he seriously underestimated the community he had built. I'm sure there would be some people who would want to cause trouble but overall I think he would have found that most members, while saddened at the loss would rise to the occasion, wish the admin well, and do their best to move on with grace. I think they would have also reached out to as many of the newer and shier members to help them know they aren't alone and that there are good places, like this forum, where they can find support. He didn't give them the chance to exceed his expectations. I am sincerely disappointed in him and the other admin.
And I am very glad that I was not in this situation having just come out of the cult when I was experiencing severe PTSD. This would NOT have been okay, even though it will be fine for the admin and others who are further along in their recovery. If I were just coming out, I would not trust other sites run by ex-JWs. I mean if an exJW will cut you off just like the JWs do then...
You know, last impressions are just as important as first impressions. For some, this was both their first and their last impression of JWR. For others, they will have had years of good memories to counteract this poor situation. But for some of us, we were just getting to know the site, and this closure and the way it happened will be the lasting impression that we have of JWR and those who ran it. I have little to no respect for people who would treat vulnerable people with such disregard. You threw us away JWR. It really doesn't matter how long you have been out of the cult, being thrown away hurts.
I've moved on...I don't need this place or JWR to live a happy life...
But I did bookmark a ton of threads on JWR that were excellent source material for various topics in defence of my fade if I ever need to do so...
I've lost that...if I had been given a chance to copy and paste some of it off fair enough.
But we were not...