Saying hello for first time

by pimojw 61 Replies latest jw experiences

  • pimojw

    thanks again for your welcomes!

    i hope i dont stay on here all day from now on! need to work! but its my first day so i will allow myself to enjoy chatting with you all!

    thanks for the links. yes i have been looking at the exjw reddit site for about 6 months now. as i said this forum i have followed since it began (was it around 2002?).

    life is good (for those of us in certain countries anyway, for the rest it can be hell). leaving the truth, physically or mentally CAN be a great thing, as long as you arent too burnt already.

    ill look for the book you mention on buddha, thanks. yes its crazy that you could be dfd for saying jesus is the mediator for all. the reality is that many elders have private doubts about all sorts of things, and even admit it to each other. that is not seen as a problem (at least on some bodies). the problem is only if you openly go against the wt teachings. that will get you in trouble for sure.

    actually, the higher up you get (CO, branch committee etc), often the more open minded, and non orthodox they can be. amongst themselves they will debate things in the wt, and express personal views. on the platform, and one on one with the publishers you have to toe the line. i could no longer do this. of course not all "high ups" are like this but many are, and there is a new generation of young ones in service departments etc who are quite open minded.

    the problem is however that the organisation cannot be reformed...if it was gods organization it wouldnt have been the way it was before! it might morph slowly into a more mainstream organization (once people like AM3 have gone) but it will be too little too late.

  • Still Totally ADD
    Still Totally ADD

    Welcome Pimojw from a former elder. I was a elder for 25 years and I truly understand what you are going through. I can only say it will take time for you to think things out. I remember the day I fully woke up. I was the P.O. and at that time I could only grin and bare it. So I made up my mind to do all the research I could and slowly work my way out of the mess I was in. The path you are on will take you in many directions it is up to you to pick what's right for you. It took a lot of courage on your part to come on this board and that is what it will take to get out of this cult. Take care of yourself and good luck to you and your wife. Still Totally ADD

  • nowwhat?
    as brought out many times by meleti jw's are not Christian they are jehovians! they look at Jesus more as an inspired prophet (as brought out in this years memorial invite) and as a good example for us, then out leader, mediator, and savior. Use this angle when talking to your wife and others
  • pimojw

    thanks thats kind

    if it wasnt for extended family, i would definitely hand in my resignation and fade (after helping my wife to get to the same point as me). for now its not worth the hassle. i try to focus on the good bits of "the truth", including the friendships (conditional as they are).

    like everyone else around here i do my best to avoid jwbroadcasting like the plague. many dubs hate it, although some rave about it. dont know how genuine that is though - its so embarrassing to watch

  • Confusedalot

    Welcome pimojw,

    I believed for a long time that I had "the truth" and it was sad to realize that it was man made.

    Where we go from here is our own journey, not controlled by people but by our own hearts and minds. Whether it be in spirit towards a God or rationally towards facts and proof, for some this is also where they discover themselves.

    All the best.

  • LoveUniHateExams

    Welcome, Pimojw.

    Have you thought about stepping down as an elder?

    Could this easily be done in your situation?

    That way, you could remain 'in' for the sake of your family but not give public talks or discipline/df JWs for stuff you might not think is wrong.



  • pimojw

    very true re jws being jehovians.

    i never agreed with the excessive use of jehovahs name, and the downplaying of jesus role. the nt is all about jesus and jehovahs name doesnt appear even once in the 5000+ greek manuscripts! it is wrong to put it in, just as its wrong to take it out of the ot

    many senior brothers feel the same way but of course they cant say it! btw i believe that many many elders/co's/bethelites view this website. even senior wt writers/gb helpers etc will be looking (even if not directly assigned to do so). they probably have mixed feelings and doubts. message to them all: why not join like i have. anonymously get your feelings out there. the sooner the wt crumbles the better.

  • pimojw

    regarding the above question about stepping down:

    i dont think so for now. it would cause too much heartache for family and change my life too much too soon

    as for public talks you can chose which ones to do so i chose topics carefully. meeting parts are harder (and assembly/convention talks) but can still emphasize what i want to.

    regarding discipline i try to be loving, kind, bible based and avoid judicial committees nowadays! the body i am with is also very loving and kind albeit inept (including me).

  • Alive!


    I can't imagine how hard it is to be an elder, to have all your lovely family "in" and knowing you have to hide until ....well, who knows when?

    I was 'a jewel' of a find as one elder told me...I'm just an ordinary woman who had been 'honest-hearted' and 'hungry for truth' and 'humble' enough to see that the WT was God's true organisation, the truth faith.....until...

    I passed over and tried to reconcile so many doctrine issues and basic teaching methods over the years, and when I was 'honest-hearted, hungry, humble' enough to say 'hey, this isn't right is it?' over several major doctrine issues....I was relabelled by those I shared with as being 'unappreciative' and in danger of losing my spiritual way.

    I could have just finished it all, I felt like it....I was so wretched, frightened and many other emotions. I was going to lose my community if I made a stand for MY conscience, MY journey....MY personal raison d'etre.

    But....I'm still standing.

    I'm Alive. I mean, really Alive....

    And I have deep faith that the purpose of the Universal Creator will be fulfilled, and we will ALL finally 'go home'.

    Dont lose heart friend.


  • pimojw

    thanks alive! a lovely comment and obviously heartfelt. im on my way and hope to get there too! a lot of unlearning and undoing to happen first.

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