Sorry to hear about the cheating. It's got to be the toughest way to lose someone, and believe me, I know. I once carried on a long-distance relationship with a woman, sending and receiving sexy letters and gifts, staying uhh, let's say, "in touch" with each other by phone, and flying out to visit when I could. Those were monumentally satisfying weekends for me, and, I was led to believe, for her as well.
And then, on my final flight out to see her, I parked my rental car at her door and fairly sprung up the front stairs to ring her doorbell. Of course she knew I was coming, and at the door she greeted me and asked me to please meet - you have to wait for it - her fiance.
Gutted. Hung from my heels and gutted.
As I left I could hear the birds chirping my name in laughter. The cloud formations overhead were of her and him together, the neighbor's marigolds were planted and spaced so as to spell "cuckold". It went on for weeks like that. Dogs in the street knew I'd been badly cheated on, the word spread through ant colonies where I lived. So bad that I screwed up at my job by being rankly unapproachable and so insulting of others that I was pink-slipped.
There is however something I would like to know.
When I've been between relationships, but actively seeking, or when I'm in a sexual drought, there never seems to be any interest from the women around me. Then when, with much effort and careful strategy, I break down the distance to one woman, and I'm commanding the sun to rise, awakening the tides, all of a sudden interested women abound, they are flirting on the left of me, touching me on the right, and seduction is all around.
Why is this so? Do I smell differently when I'm successfully mating? Is there a confidence conferred to me through the touch of a woman that ignites something in her sisters? Where was all this just days before when perhaps a simple smile and glance from any of them would have been so dear?
To follow up on the end of my cheating story, I felt some bizarre need to exact repayment. Who deserved to pay remains somewhat blurry, perhaps myself. I took a girlfriend, someone much younger than myself with the express purpose and intent of cheating on her. Did so, and made sure she found out. Spent weeks feeling as dignified as a toilet drain.
It'll get better Joanna!