Back in the meat raffle of life!

by joannadandy 59 Replies latest social relationships

  • joannadandy

    Of late I have been rattling on about my new boy toy-

    It was a wonderful summer romance that began with the kick off of memorial day fireworks, peaked on the fourth of july--and fizzled out before labor day. It's all very Grease-esque. Oui?

    The long and short-I was cheated on.

    WHAT THE HELL DUDES!! Why do you cheat?

    Honestly? What the hell is it??

    I think I am a pretty niffty girlfriend. I will let you go out with your guy friends, I freakin encourage it. I realize you will look at other boobies, just as I will forever watch crotch. It's nothing personal it's how life is. I don't think masturbating is cheating--hell I'll buy the porn for you! I will watch football with you, and know the difference between offsides and lined up in the neutral zone. I will drink beer. I will even think it's funny when you burp or scratch your ass, provided it's not done at the dinner table. I will not expect you to call me every night. Nor will I want to see you every night. I have a life for goddsakes, and you are part of it, but you are not the center--nor would I expect to be your sun and moon. I am cute goddamnit! And I have a personality! Oh yes, and did I mention I LOVE SEX! I want it all the freaking time! I want it nasty and wrong! I will be the coquettishslut of your wildest dreams!

    But, inspite of all my kickassness--I get cheated on. *sigh*

    I must have been like some male chauvinist in my past life, and this is karma come to whip my ass!

    So there you have it.

    My new sacred vow will be to stop opening up to people, and embrace the bitter hag within me that my mother always knew I could be. I think I shall head to the pound tomorrow to pick up half a dozen cats, then hit the Goodwill to pick up some cartigans, rubber flipflops, and a few house dresses. Maybe, for the added mile I will get some plastic rollers to wear at all available opportunities. I may take up smoking and leave off with the bathing. Because who do I have to smell minty fresh for? NO ONE! So I might as well smell like dead fish so at least the cats will love me.

    Do you know what really chaps my ass about all this?

    I just bought 6 matching bra and panty lacey thingy cute deals to wear for, and to impress my dear departed manwhore. ALL FOR NAUGHT!! The cats will not approve.

    But yeah--if any of the above now turns any of you fine foxy apostate men on--give me a call. I am easy, and it would now seem, back in the meat raffle at the VFW of life. Do you have B15?

    Jo of the "I might as well wear the granny panties on my head now" class.

  • jelly



    When men cheat it has nothing to do with their spouse, and everything to do with the man. Some men can be with the most beutifiul, and kind women and will still cheat. So, dont worry I am sure your a 'kick ass' girlfriend and will sone find someone to share you matching bra and panties with.

    My advice would be to give yourself time and continue being who you are, dont change just because of one bad creep. Its a cliche I know but I think its true.


  • kitties_and_horses_oh_my!

    Hey, no fair, you're making us other women seem like sucky girlfriends/wives!! (You may be getting a phone call from my husband soon - he's not into football, but I think everything else would appeal to him.)

  • drwtsn32

    ROFLMAO!!! Your post was absolutely hilarious!!

    But sorry, I don't know why loser guys cheat... but it might have something to do with them being a loser.

  • eyegirl


    why is it that we always seem to have this discussion? grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. that boytoy is lucky that i don't know where he lives--i could so snap that nerd man in two!!

    take solace in the fact that i'm right beside you at the VFW meat raffle. at least we'll always be partners in the squaredance of life. heehee

    i love ya girl and i promise things will get better.

  • joannadandy

    Eyegirl--no vaginal dryness does not have me down--but I imagine it would feel the same. The dry itchy feeling that is loss.

    Drwtsn--Did I mention I need humor to cope? But he wasn't a loser--for once I thought I found a nice boy. Yeah--from now on no more character assessments from me can be believed!

    Kitties--oddly that comforts me, but I doubt your husband would cheat on you--

    Jelly--as much as I know, "It's not me"--I can't help it. It is my nature to be self-depricating, and so when you get cheated on--in this case by more than one guy, it makes you think--"holy christ! It must be me!"

  • StinkyPantz

    Not all guys cheat. Give it some time, you're still young.

  • joannadandy

    And so a proclimation went out through all the land--

    I have decided, tis the lesbian life for me! And so it was written, and yea--it made her very popular with the menfolk, at long last. T'was only the fairy folk that knew, t'was a strong lure to the men to be that of the lesbian class. And that is the devious course of fate.

    Solidarity my lesbian sisters!!

  • onacruse

    ((Jo)) Well, gawdamnitallanyway; I was thrilled to hear that you'd finally met somebody worthy of you...and now this

    Hang in there, dear lady. Someday, somehow...when you least expect it


  • joannadandy

    Sp--Oh I know not all men cheat.

    I didn't say they did. I just seem to be really good at bring out the horny fornicator in them.

    My question-why do you cheat, wasn't really one I was expecting an answer to. More of a frustrate, I don't get it.

    But hey--if any cheaters out there can explain why--I would love to hear it so I can then tear you a knew sorry, I have some anger issues tonight, forgive me, I meant to say--try to talk and understand why it happens.

Share this