Coming out of the closet/Blowing my cover/My story and I'm sticking to it!

by HadEnuf 60 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Swan

    Welcome HadEnuf!

    Great story!


  • waiting

    Hey Cathy L.......SKI

    Nice to meet you - I had almost the identical situation with our son's marriage......right down to the slander originating with the elders. We did like you, calls, meetings, writing to Society, and like

    However, we stayed in for a while (me - 30 yrs, my husband - born a jw 52 yrs). We had to have yet ANOTHER shitty experience (including the WT lawyers) before we saw The Light.

    Been the best spiritual move we ever made. Btw, my husband used to have horrible migrane headaches (vomiting hrs on end, etc) at least twice a month on the weekends. Never during the week. And he ALWAYS had a vicious headache after the Sunday meetings.

    Amazingly enough..........the migranes & other headaches stopped (except for the ones originating from his wife's voice) as soon as he quietly walked away from the WTBTS.

    Please tell your husband we said "hey" (hi in southern 'mercun) to him too. My husband doesn't post - but has had the grand opportunity to meet others from here. "A new family."


  • Gopher

    Hi Cathy,

    Glad to have you here! A big hello from the neighoring state of Minnesota.

    Your experiences are so consistent with what other humble people have had to put up with from power-hungry and uncaring elders over the years. Yet each time I read a story like yours, I still manage to be stunned by the particulars of each case.

    When you said "thanks to the elders" for opening up your eyes to the type of group this is, I couldn't agree more. Their actions in my last congregation helped me to NEVER return to the J-dubs.

    Thanks for the good post (even humorous). As they used to say in the TMS, "we look forward to your next contribution" -- but to this forum, not to the ministry school.

  • garybuss

    Welcome! It feels good to blow that cover doesn't it? Gary Busselman, Sioux Falls, SD

  • Candlestick02


    Glad you're out! Good for you!!

    Boy, did your story ring true to me. I was 19 years old, born-in, and was one of those few kids who was ...OMG .. going to the local University (thanks to a scholarship), when I met this nice young man, around 24 (single, cute and very distinguished, white collared) guy. He took a liking to me, but, me being the good JW that I was, I knew I wasn't supposed to date him. Turns out our families knew each other from YEARS before (like 20 yrs) my mom studied w/ his mom. Well, he remembered vaguely some of the teachings and was curious, so began to ask me questions. I GLADLY would give him the typical JW response and pretty soon he was interested in studying w/ the dubs. I knew he did in PART cause he was trying to get closer to me, but as God is my witness, I REALLY have no doubt that he was very sincere in his interest in learning more about the JW's. So, he started studying, attending all the meetings, progressing pretty well. Commenting, the whole 9 yards. Long story short, before long he and I were dating and then surprising us both -- we fell SO in love. He was the sweetest thing ever. He LIVED for and really made me happy!! (I was quite in shock about the whole thing. I wasn't even considering that it would happen like it did, but it was the greatest!)

    Anyway, we kept our relationship somewhat 'secret'.. but my parents knew, and although they weren't thrilled at first, even THEY realized that he was genuine and really was making me very happy. So, they let our relationship continue (sometimes I would manage to get out of the house without a chaperone, yay! ) -- and then HE started to want to be more PUBLIC with our relationship. He didn't understand why I wanted to keep it 'secret'. He told me 'I don't want to hide us.. this is the best thing that's ever happened to me.' Umm.. poor thing... I told you he was sincere. Anyway, so, he and I made the decision that we wouldn't hide anymore about it. Our plan was: he would --hold on to your seats everyone -- sit NEXT to me at the KH. Well, that was it. The next week I had the elders calling on the family for a shepherding visit. Got told that I wasn't supposed to see him, cause he was an "unbeliever". . . 'Yet he's studying', I would say.. 'Yes', they would say, 'and that's good, and we're so proud of his progress, but until he's a baptized brother, you really shouldn't get involved with him. You need to know that he's a spiritual brother for you.' Okay, so we tried breaking up -- me, listening to the counsel. . .that I HATED and that he didn't understand. That lasted a couple of days. We couldn't stand to be apart. So then we continued dating.

    We were pretty convinced that we just were perfect together, and that even Jehovah would 'understand' and cut us some slack. Anyway, a couple weeks later about an hour before the School and Svc Mtg one of the elders calls. Talks to my dad (an ex-elder, but still held in high regard in the cong.).. says 'Brother X, I just wanted to call you and tell you that in the Svc mtg we're gonna do a talk on the local needs of the cong. and it's gonna be about your daughter dating XXX., just thought you'd like to know so that it doesn't catch you off guard.' Uh, yeah, thanks for the call.

    So, my boyfriend comes to pick me up.. to go to the hall. He doesn't know what's gonna be said. I do. So, we're driving there.. I tell him: 'you know, let's not go to the mtg tonight, let's go somewhere else... ' He, the NEW Jdub in training says 'no, come on. you're being silly.. why shouldn't we go?' Ugh.. it didn't work.. so I have to tell him. I said that the elder had called and what they told us. He's like 'alright.. so I want to hear them.' So, we go in there.. defying them to talk about ME.. and sure enough.. they do. I'm "marked" now! I remember that talk like it was yesterday. My boyfriend sat there, holding my hand and glancind over to look at me to see if I was okay. After the mtg you'd think I caught the plague. I wasn't disfellowshipped.. but they were all acting like I was. We (the whole family and me and my b/f) just walked out. We were all getting the same treatment.

    Anyway, long story short.. there was more that transpired, but I'll save the gory details. . . the elders eventually won. My boyfriend broke it off with me. All I can remember about that time was that the pain was immense. He was my life. We had talked about marriage. We had a pure and clean relationship. He NEVER asked me to do anything that would be disrespectful (unlike some of the Witnesses I dated -- before and after him), because he was respectful of me. He broke up with me because he said he couldn't see my relationship with God suffer and him be the cause. He said he loved me more than anything and because of that, would not take that away from me. Yup, the JW's pushed this guy away and I wanted to crawl under a rock and die.

    The good thing is that he didn't continue studying. So, it saved him from getting caught in the Borg. But, it left me destroyed and poisoned on love for a long time.

    Yeah, what a nice thing to walk away from. I'm thankful all the time that I don't belong to that organization that can do this to good people.


  • Gamaliel

    Welcome (((HadEnuf))),

    Quite a story. And something like it is being repeated as we speak in so many more congregations. Just another day in "paradise."


  • jgnat

    Boy. So many people poisoned against the society for petty stuff like this. These elders remind me of Nebuchadnezzar's wise men, who, instead of being grateful that Daniel saved their necks, conspired to find some weakness in order to bring him down.

    Nebuchadnezzar's wise men were no good at prophecy either.

  • gambit


    I like readin' what ever I want...
    I take want I like and throw away the rest...
    oh, and R rated movies too

    Best of luck with the family.


  • onacruse

    Hi Cathy ~30 years in, eh? Kate and I (both 51) have walked a somewhat different path from you and hubby, and have just this last couple of years began our escape as ex-lifer-JWs. But one thing you said that almost everyday has us both shaking our head in amazement:

    we finally came out of our stupor

    Boy, doesn't that describe it? And in my case that stupor was so intense that to this day I'd still technically be a JW (albeit extremely marginalized) if they hadn't DFd me.

    Glad to meet you

    Craig & Kate (bikerchic)

  • dmouse

    Hi! Hadenuf and Candlestick02

    The way you were both treated by the elders makes me so angry, but I can't say I'm suprised.

    These elders were just following orders, like weak drones controlling weaker ones.

    Glad to hear you're both getting on with your lives,

    best wishes,


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