Stupidest thing a JW ever told you

by Nosferatu 193 Replies latest jw friends

  • obiwan

    Mr. Elder says "I notice your not making as many meetings as you used to." I reply, " I have a day and a night job, so I can't make most meetings". His response "Well if your jobs interupt your meeting attendence, you need to quit them, Jehovah will provide."

  • undercover

    I was told as a kid that the dinosaurs died out during the flood. My first question was why didn't Noah get two of each of them for the ark? The answer: They were too big.

  • tazmaniac

    I have two

    1) When they would announce in the KM "next material for consideration at the bookstudy will be : "Revelation, its grand climax now close at hand". We woulnt know if we should laugh or cry. We went thru that 3 or 4 times. Arrrrrghhhhhhh

    2) On a service meeting part a sister was presenting the creation book and said to her partner/householder : " Look how wonderfully the book illustrates the single cell ORGASM". No one got anything else out of that meeting.

  • hksb

    Many of these comments were from my JW dad:

    1. We went to a book study where we were warned about demonized jewellery (eg lucky bracelets). My dad went home and smashed up my mum's heirloom necklace, which he blamed for my mum having doubts!

    2. It is not worth sending me to a good school because the new system will be here soon (1980).

    3. It's not worth me going to University because the new system will be here soon (1987).

    4. Masturbation can make you sexually selfish and/or gay.

    5. The dinosaurs were destroyed in the flood.

    6. The heart is the physical source of human feelings and emotion.

    7. Some obscure scripture in the old testament about 'spilling one's seed' means men should not masturbate. This also applies to the sisters (do they have seeds?). However, the use of condoms in marriage is OK because otherwise we would have too many children!

    8. Yoga and meditation lets the demons invade your brain.

    9. People who have blood transfusions have a change in personality.

    10. At my last circuit assembly a CO was talking about blood transfusions. He related a story about a women on the fringes of 'The Truth' who had a blood transfusion and subsequently contracted AIDS. He claimed that this was a result of not following God's laws! This comment was one of the things that persuaded me to leave 'The Truth'.

    11. The Creation book proves that scientific evidence about evolution is wrong (duh!!). When the book came out at an assembly, the speaker ranted that the Creation book 'nails the lid on the coffin of evolution'.

    12. Jehovah can read your mind but Satan cannot. Apparently this is one of Satan's weak links!

    13. The new system is coming in 1975 so it doesn't matter if I use sub-standard building materials (spoken in 1974).

    14. Sisters should wear a dirty hanky on their heads when saying a prayer in front of a baptized brother.

    15. The persecution received by Witnesses during WW2 is proof that they are God's chosen people (hmm what about the Jews, gays, gypsies, conscientious objectors, communists).

    16. 'Wordly people are less happy than us because they do not enjoy our spiritual paradise'. 'Wordly people are more happy than us because narrow is the way to everlasting life, while broad is the path to destruction.' Blah blah.

    17. The UN is a wild beast. The kings of the North and South are Russia and the USA. The end of the Cold war was predicted in the scriptures (the 'cry of peace and security'), and this will usher in the new system.

    18. We have changed our understanding due to new light. (But why can't they explain WHY their old understanding was wrong?).

  • Nosferatu

    Back on the dinosaur subject, I also heard that dinosaurs were washed away with the flood.
    Then I heard that dinosaurs would be resurrected (as well as any extinct species)

    Now my question is, is any HUMAN who was washed away with the flood going to be resurrected?

    I also heard that rather than Jehovah resurrecting dinosaurs & extinct species, he is simply going to re-create them.

  • undercover
    12. Jehovah can read your mind but Satan cannot. Apparently this is one of Satan's weak links!

    I've heard that too. In fact the elder that stated that in our hall explained that though the demons can't read your mind, they can partially control your dreams! Uh, if they can't read your mind, how can they know what your dreaming and how can they manipulate that?

  • Disheartened

    The circuit overseer said: "If you can go to the mall you can go to the hall. If you can go to the beach, you can go out and preach." Talk about STUPID!

  • tinkerbell82
    My first question was why didn't Noah get two of each of them for the ark? The answer: They were too big

    i asked the same thing and got the same answer. then i asked 'what about ichtyosaurus and the other underwater dinosaurs who could swim during the flood?'

    change subject. :\

  • micheal

    Hey Disheartend was your circuit overseer's name Johnny Cochrane?

  • 1badmutha

    Stupid comments, well let's see...

    In his parting talk, a District overseer (slave master), told the sisters in the audience with unbelieving husbands that God would reward them with new husbands in the new system. (Never mind that they might actually love their unbelieving husbands, & newsflash... that little promise is nowhere in the Bible... somebody was making stuff up again!)

    When I was in middle school, I asked the brothers why sisters couldn't carry the microphones (which is idiotic to begin with). I was told that it was a special privilege God reserved only for "brothers".

    Out of the blue one day, an older so called "sister" told me that Jehovah doesn't give everyone a husband. (Thanks for the F.Y.I.)

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