I miss my family so much. I thought I was over it but I have breakdowns every few months thinking about my family

by macys 35 Replies latest jw experiences

  • macys

    As most of you know I have been shunned by my family for 2 years because of a photo posted on facebook of me kissing another girl at a party. The matter was not dealt with fairly but it is over now and I am 100% certain that JDub org is a cult.

    But I miss my family so much. I pretend to not think about them. I even say to myself I do not need them or love them anymore because they shunned me. But that is not true because I do love them. I was very close to my family and we had a good family before we converted to the JDub cult.

    I am thinking, I am considering, going back just so I can be reinstated so I can have my family back. Once I am back then I will fade away, just so I can show my family how far I have come on my own. I would like to have children when I am finished with school and I can not imagine my grand kids asking why they can not see their own grandmother. I can not allow that to happen. So I am planning now to go back and get reinstated so my grand kids can know their grandparents.

    Am I doing the right thing or is this the medication speaking?

    Please help me. Nobody can understand me better than you guys here. I am so happy to be free of this cult yet so sad not to have a normal family life.

  • cappytan

    Some choose to try for reinstatement to be able to have their family members back.

    The question I have for you is do you think your family will shun you again if you fade after reinstatement?

  • Divergent
    Do what you have to. Since their rules are unfair, you don't have to play fair either. Attend with the aim of getting reinstated, then after you are, pretend to be stumbled over something & blow up the issue. Then use that as a reason to fade. Do it in such a way that people would symphathize with you & not blame you entirely for fading
  • cognac
    It's a personal choice. Imo, losing loved ones to the cult is like mourning a death. It's hard. If you want to get reinstated and then fade, do it. Do what makes you the happiest.
  • TheListener

    macys, I don't see anything wrong with going back to get your family back and then trying to fade. I do think it will be hard to get reinstated since you'll be frustrated knowing TTATT.

    And Cappytan's question is right - will your family shun you if you fade? Some do and some don't.

    I wish you all the best. It's totally unfair and disgusting that this religion splits up families. That shouldn't even be allowed.

  • tim3l0rd
    Lots of people go back, get reinstated, and then fade. I don't see a problem with it if you can stomach it. Understand, though, that you will still be subject to JW rules. Even though Geoffrey Jackson said that inactive ones are not hounded, there have been recent experiences of ones who were inactive for years and yet were df'd when someone spotted them with a girlfriend/boyfriend or they said something against the org.
  • cultBgone

    Sarah, we feel your pain. Being involved in the cult with a hundred faux-friends all the time and then finding yourself basically alone is a huge leap. Older adults who do it are lonely too, and miss their still-in family members like crazy.

    I certainly understand your reasoning for wanting the shunning to stop. But as Cappytan says, what guarantee do you have that they won't shun you again if/when you become inactive? Please consider this carefully. Right now your emotions have a tight grip on your thinking, but remember that jdubs prey on your emotions so you may have a really tough time ever leaving again. What will that do to your head now that you know TTATT?

    You mentioned in your OP that your family was really close before you became jdubs, but how were things once everyone was Culticized?

  • Sail Away
    Sail Away
    My in-laws are shunning my husband, our two children and their great grandson-- shunning three generations deep. They would be shunning me if they knew I was out. Are you certain you want to risk exposing your future children to that? Remember, too, that all visitation would have to be supervised to protect your children against recruitment efforts. There are ex-JWs who are shunned by their own children.
  • My Name is of No Consequence
    My Name is of No Consequence

    @ macys:

    What makes you think that you will have your family back if you are reinstated? They may not look at you the same way even if you did go back. I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. Before you do anything, you must weigh the pros and the cons.

  • WingCommander

    Ask yourself this: Do you really want to expose your future children, to this level of toxic behaviour? I sure as hell didn't, and I haven't.

    If you look at your post carefully, what you are truly missing is your pre-Cult family. THAT is what you are missing, not the cult-indoctrinated, heavily dysfunctional family. Sorry to say, you are NEVER going to have that family back again, they are gone, unless they all somehow wake up and leave simultaneously. You are missing a memory. I miss my parents as well. Guess what? There's nothing I can do about it because they all passed away before I was 30. Gone. They live now in my memories, and I tell my son about them and it makes me smile.

    The cult family will not accept you as you are now, will be demeaning, judgmental, and belittling of every little thing you do, say, wear, and go. Do you REALLY want that level of craptacular back into your life?

    If you grow up more and marry and have children, THEN you can start to have a normal family life on your own, as you see fit, with no WT Cult crap to have to contend with. And if you did allow your parents to see your children, it should always be 100% supervised so that they don't try to indoctrinate them and turn them against you. Think I'm kidding? Search this forum, you'll see it over, and over, and over again.

    Trust me on this; the sooner you learn to protect yourself against these types of cults and in particular toxic behaviour (shunning, emotional blackmail, manipulation), the better off you will be. You're enjoying life, there is no enjoyment in the JW cult.

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