I miss my family so much. I thought I was over it but I have breakdowns every few months thinking about my family
So much to say. Sending you a PM my dear
As you found out that the cultish way of life is not yours you will have to stay loyal to your inner person, your family gifted you with love and good education in the past. But now you are ready to live your life at your conditions.
Dont let yourself get forced to have contact with the club, the society, dont let yourself allowed be treated according their condition but to your conditions. Never go to the meetings again, that is my tip.
How could you live a pretending witness-life with going house to house with joy in your heart ever again?
Dont go to the meetings if you know that it is nonsense. Better contact a catolic community and speak with a priest about your situation, and then simply find new friends in a new community.
If your family misses you they will find inofficial occassions to see you. Would nt it be allowed for them to have family contact to you and your prospective children ...except of situations concerning spiritual religious matters?.. situation like praying together, birthday parties...tell them that they are mishandling the loving DFSHIPMENT pratice, if they not have family contact.. cause family ties are not to be cut, not to be given up. According to watchtower.
Tell them how they make guilty if they misuse the loving DF arrangement to shun you completely, print out the watchtower article for them that shows that family ties are not to be cut.. and tell them that you need time to think over this arrangement, you dont like to write written reinstatement application yet, but ask for family help in school and daily life.
Your friend your partner could be new family. Trust in your self, thewonderofyou, and you will see that each month you will be more and more independent and happy.
Can you speak german, because german is my mother language.
Jeeszus... seems like it's almost getting to the point where they're doing people a favor by DFing them.
So many excellent thoughts, you just bring out the best in us Macy!
Wing Commanders comment caught my attention:
If you look at your post carefully, what you are truly missing is your pre-Cult family. THAT is what you are missing, not the cult-indoctrinated, heavily dysfunctional family.
To go back and be reinstated is to fortify your families obedience to all things WT. You see, they will say, we have our daughter back due to Jehovah's loving provision of shunning!
They get the daughter back that is not really you because they will not accept the real you right now....... maybe later if the Society changes.
So what can you expect if you do reinstate and then faded? Well if your family indicates that as long as you are not DF again and don't speak out against the WT and don't live an immoral sinful life. You may take a chance especially if you can live elsewhere and limit visits.
Here's how that worked out for us.
My wife and I faded, we were not shunned by our close family. However we were no longer respected...... only real witnesses deserved their respect. It didn't matter how kind and loving and moral, and successful we were in our lives we were considered as less.
The two visits a year we made were pure hell, that 800 pound truth gorilla was always in the room sucking up all the joy........ dominating every conversation. This went on for over four decades.....pretty early on we stopped looking forward to any family contact. We endured for the sake of aging parents.
During our visits they were constantly on guard and we were on guard for our son batting away any connections to the JW beliefs. We wouldn't even allow him to stay over with my mother when we were on a business trip because how are you going to trust a J.W. to do the right thing if he was hit by a car or fell off his bike and needed a blood transfusion?
While we were never shunned my uber JW niece who was born 7 years after we left, shuns us to this day! They hate to the third generation.
Looking back on this situation my wife and I would have been better off if they shunned us. I think this is the sad truth.
Wow! Thank you all for your kindness and replies. I am just here to drop in after a hiatus from this site since I feel like I have so many friends here who are going through the same thing as me. I have so many positive things going on in my life now that I need to eventually move on from this cult. For now I am doing what I have to do so my parents will be able to be grandparents and see their grandchilndren.
So I have finally begun the reinstatement process. I met with thke elders in a completely new hall who do not know anything about my situation yet. I got to tell them my side of the story first before they get the letter from where my cards are still located. I was apologetic and humble and told them I am not living in sin. That of course is open to interpretation just like the bible and the WTBTS likes to mince words and go against 1 Cor 4:6.
I will basically need to go through the whole process of meetings, bible study (aka. brain washing through WT books) and other bullshit to be acceptable to Jehovah. I attendded my first meeting last month. It was hell to hear the bullshit now. The stares I get from people who already know I am Dfed is like I have the plague or something. One lady who I dare not call a sister, camme up to me and then stopped midway to say, "Oh I am sorry. I am not supposed to talk to you." I just smiled like fuck you bitch. Anyways this is really going to be hard to pull off. After my reinstatement I am going to fade away. I am also going to document everything so I will be able to build a case against this cult and take them to court. My boyfriend is uber wealthy and is going to pay for the case himself. Even if we lose it will be good that other people get to see the inner workings of this cult. That is about it for now. And if I can not get to all of your private messages right away I say thank you anyways!
I will keep you updated as my reinstatement moves along. The one elder said to me it could take up to two years before I am in "good standing" with this cult. I cringed but smiled to his face. I told him I am happy to be back home. LOL
Macys, I see that you have made your decision already.
But, I would like to just point out one thing.
You had said: "I would like to have children when I am finished with school and I can not imagine my grand kids asking why they can not see their own grandmother. I can not allow that to happen. So I am planning now to go back and get reinstated so my grand kids can know their grandparents."
You are not dealing with the present. You are living in some fantastical future when you MAY have children. Maybe. It sounds like you are sacrificing your integrity, honesty, and your identity for some event that might happen in the future.
IMO...your priority should be in establishing your personal strength and integrity so that you can be a strong role model for those imagined future children. And the thing you are leaving out of your equation is the imagined future paternal grandparents of those imagined children. Your future children will not be without grandparents - they will have the grandparents on their father's side.
You have gone back to your family of origin, but I think it is a mistake to place the burden of that decision on your imagined future children. They are only a twinkle in your eye and you are already making them the ones responsible for your decision. It doesn't sound hardly fair to them.
I am not criticizing your decision to return to your family, I just don't think it is fair to attribute that decision to children who aren't even born yet.
Good luck, Macys. I hope it all turns out well for you. And I also wish the very best father and paternal grandparents for your future children.
Thank you but I feel that I need to do this now before I have children which I am planing on right after school. I am 99% sure of it. My personal integrity has not been compromised. I am acting just like the governing Body does when they read letters to their slaves that "we are financially good but please send us money and we are stopping building work because we are doing more to advance the kingdom and not because of money but again please send us all of your money as soon as possible." Fuck that. This is my own version of theocratic warfare.
I ll follow you, im curious about your decision. How determined you are. Good luck.
They lie to us, they deserve to be lied too. Especially since they take our families from us.
How many elders (2 witnesses should be to testify according their bible twist) talk with you and watch your progress at the moment?
Are only these 2 talking with you ?
(I vne never been in the reinstating-situation)