Loved & Lost?

by StinkyPantz 63 Replies latest jw friends

  • happyout

    The first time I fell in love, it was total, absolute, and pure. We stayed together for 4 years, and almost married. Losing him was (up until that point) the worst pain I had ever felt. It was another 4 years before I could bring myself to even date again, much less open the door to loving someone else.

    I don't regret for one moment that I fell in love with him. He helped me learn a lot about myself, my strengths and weaknesses, my real thoughts about the WTS (although he stayed on the fringes and never left), and about being true to myself.

    The thing about first love is, it never happens again. You never again have that open innocence, that dewy eyed optimism. But, even if first love does not turn out to be life long, it is such a wonderful thing while it lasts! So beautiful, so fun, so illuminating. ( This, of course, precluded your first love being a total jerk)

    So, yes, I agree with the statement. And, my humble opinion, those that disagree do so out of fear, and miss out on the greatest joy of life, which is love.


  • Candlestick02

    I agree with most comments here. That it IS better to have loved and lost (unfortunately) . . than to never experience it. To me, it's better for having loved SO deeply is one of the blessings that life, and God, bestows on us. Despite the pain and hurt that I felt after the relationship had ended, I still don't regret for one second that I experienced it. If it had never happened I wouldn't be where I am today. And that is HAPPY and living MY life, not the borgs life. So, even though the loss of that love "poisoned" me for a while, I'm ever thankful that it happened at all.

  • Country_Woman

    I loved & lost, and it took 10 years to get over it.
    Today I can think of it without pain or anger re. the way it ended.

    I would never had missed it.
    As Lady Lee said, I've learned from it.

    You can change the word "love" into live.
    Without love you merely exist.

  • Francois

    Orbiting - Are you taking applications? I lost my true love & so did you. Mayhaps we should give it a whirl. Who knows? We might put a healing hand on the hurt places.

    Wanna try?


  • MegaDude

    Loved and lost. But, again, who hasn't?

    I went through a very long protracted break-up when I began to sever my ties with the JWs. I was married to a nice girl and was deeply in love. The kind of love where you don't see yourself without that person. I had waited until I was 30 to marry, so when I met this person I felt very confident this was the right person for me. In fact, I would say it was the first time I ever experienced rich unconditional love in a way that I could appreciate it. It opened up a side of my personality I didn't know existed and for the first two years we seemed very happy.

    Long story short, I began doubting the organization and our warm little world was rocked hard. We moved away from the town we lived in to start fresh, but nothing really changed. We split up a couple of years later, but because the relationship had been so close we kept on seeing each other sporadically. This dragged on for years. She was waiting for me to come back to the JWs, I was waiting for her to leave. I really forget how many years passed. Let's say enough that Dr. Phil would scream at me and hold me up for a harsh tongue-lashing and loud ridicule if was so unfortunate to be a guest on his show. But what the hell. I loved her. I really loved her like nobody I have ever met. She was worth it to me. If I hadn't been so consumed with outrage at the Watchtower I could have shown her a lot more love. The long waiting game ended about three years ago. She met somebody who was willing to convert to the JWs for her and they married. It stung a bit, but mainly I was relieved it was over. I think I would have waited years and years more for her if she had remained single.

    Nothing tore me up emotionally like the slow death of that relationship. However, I know what true love is. Next time it comes around, I'll recognize it. I learned a lot from her, and I have good memories from our good times together that I will take with me for the rest of my life.

    My take on it? Definitely better to have loved and lost.

  • StinkyPantz


    Give it up! OTS is mine!

  • bluesapphire

    I do agree with that quote. If something happened to my husband I would mourne him probably forever. But it would be better than not ever having known him. I feel the same about my children. But then I've never lost a child so I don't know and I hope never to know.

  • Rush

    i say better to have never loved.

    the pain of being separated from a loved one lost, is not worth it. the loved one has to be there forever, each time.

    even if you've never loved till now, who knows what's round the corner?

  • refiners fire
    refiners fire

    Well Ive been the worlds greatest achiever in loving women who didnt love me back. So I know all about "never having been loved". The relationships, in my youth and prime, missed out on thru my own ineptitude and failure to act decisively at the proper moment, caused me much pain for many years.

    I Constantly replayed the failed incidents too, and generated endless fantasy fulfillments in my mind. All of this achieved nothing in the real world, merely draining my energy and reinforcing a sense of failure. After many years, and having greater confidence, I went in pursuit of many of the "unrequited loves ",ringing them up and 'resurrecting the dead' once again, but, in the main, that proved fruitless also. Frustration and self loathing was my lot.

    Eventually I scrapped the past and started concentrating on being powerfull in the "now" / present. A much more successful manner of dealing with things.BUt I was about 40 before I really woke up.

  • Bendrr



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