Free to sin but still cannot bring myself to do it

by sinboi 64 Replies latest jw experiences

  • sinboi

    Have DA'd myself nearly 3 months ago. Now I am part of this world but I feel myself the odd one out. Something inside me is still blocking me to do the things I have been longing to do while I was still a JW, such as attending birthday parties, sex, etc...

    Just last nite, I was on the way to attend a birthday party. But while I was about to reach the destination, I stopped, turn around and went back home. Several opportunites in the past 3 months to engage in immorality but I didn't go all the way.

    Now I am worried about my military obligation in a year's time. Will I be able to get myself involve in bayonet fighting?

    Been 16 years under bondage by the org. (since birth). The only sin so far is smoking and heavy petting .

  • alanv

    Its not easy when you first get free of the cult. I too was under their control for many years. Its a matter of taking one step at a time. Personally even now after being out for 20 years I dont show much interest in birthdays and none in xmas. But that is more to do with how i always felt abut them. The difference is I avoid some things now because I want to, not because an Organisation has told me. However if you actually like the idea of those celebrations, just choose carefully the ones you would like to attend. Make sure they are not with people who like going over the top, and then I am sure you will have a great time. Good luck to you, and well done for getting out of the cult. You wont regret it.

  • JustHuman14

    It depends how do you define "sin". Yes when I left I did attend to birthday parties, I have attend to other Christians Churches as well, been to Buddhist Temple, so from WT perspective view it is sin.

    But I kept my moral standards, since I believe what Jesus said about fornication, lying etc. I didn't try any drugs, or any other bad behavior

    On the other hand I have some wordly friends who become and are JW's that saved their lives being in the Org. They used be heavy drug users, immoral life, (they would have died either from drugs or sexually transmitted decease)

    A common mistake that some ex-Jw's are doing is trying to do what WT prohibits. This is not the way to see things, I have followed a mainstream Christian faith, (Babylon the Great) but still I kept my high standards, And one thing WT likes to point out against ex-Jw's is that they left a moral way of living and become evil and immoral.

  • pale.emperor

    sinboi, this is quite normal for born-ins. Some seem to fade out and slip into "the world" with ease, others (usually the more sincere and more devoted) it takes time to adjust to the real world. I myself was born in, a true believer. When i did commit a "sin" by JW standards i felt that was it, im toast at armageddon. And wouldn't turn myself into elders because i didn't trust them.

    My advice is just live your life on your terms. If you dont want to do birthdays or xmas then dont. I still haven't done xmas and im 15 months out. This xmas coming up i will but because my little girl will enjoy it. Personally i dont see the appeal of it because i've never had it.

    Maybe you could ease yourself into the birthday thing by sending a birthday card or giving a present? What i found helpful was looking at the real reasons why Watchtower condemns certain things. 99.99% of the time it's for control and make you feel less of a person and more of a drone. Rutherford kept getting invited to birthday parties and he, personally, didn't like going to them... so he banned them.

    As regards to sex, lets me very honest here... male and female in every animal and species have sex. There's no wedding, no ceremony - they mate. It's natural. It's normal. It's fun. It's fun because you're DNA is programmed with a drive to replicate, because if you didnt replicate the race would die out. This whole idea of sex before marriage being a sin is man made.

    Dont feel you need to rush anything. Enjoy your freedom and remember that there's no big scary man up there. And even if there is he's quite the psychopath anyway so i enjoy pissing him off.

  • smiddy3

    Don`t worry sinboi what you are going through is normal .It takes time sometimes a lot of time to shake the shackles of sin/guilt that religions and especially cult religions subject you to.

    Time and getting used to normal relationships with fellow human beings that are not living in fear of a vengeful God or the pie in the sky of a paradise earth ,both of which have kept you captive in a cult for so long ,once you go beyond these fears will be your beginning of a new life.

    One that you are in control of and nobody else.{ isn`t that why God gave us a brain ? to think and reason for ourselves ?and not to be dictated to by some organisation religious or otherwise ? }

    One that you will have destiny over and not one that is dictated to you by a cult religion from a few men in the USA.

  • sinboi

    2 Peter 2: 20-22 keeps on haunting me...

    20 If they have escaped the corruption of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and are again entangled in it and are overcome, they are worse off at the end than they were at the beginning. 21 It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was passed on to them. 22 Of them the proverbs are true: “A dog returns to its vomit,”[g] and, “A sow that is washed returns to her wallowing in the mud.”

  • punkofnice

    sinny - It takes time to de-program from the intense thought reform the WBT$ has wired into your head. It won't dissipate over night. Just keep researching to convince yourself that the WBT$ is a vile entity that only wants your money, assets and free labour.

    such as attending birthday parties, sex, etc...

    I'd like to attend sex once in a while.

  • deegee


    Just so that I understand where you are coming from - What was your reason for disassociating, was it so that you could "sin"?

  • pale.emperor

    sinboi - the bible was written by men. 2 Peter was written by a man. It doesn't mean it's true.

  • Onager

    Hi Sinboi, you have DA'd from the Witnesses, but you are still using their definitions of what constitutes a sin. Why would you do that?!

    They are a false religion, their teachings are false. Their list of sins is unscriptural and immoral. Do you still consider it a sin to talk to a family member who has left the JW organisation for example?

    I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned it yet, but you should check out Research on that site will show you just how wrong the JW religion is and how worthless and harmful it is to continue clinging to their beliefs.

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