HI Punk-- sorry you are feeling down and a bit lonely. One of the things that haunted me for decades as a JW was the question, "What is my purpose in life?" We were told that 'vindicating Jehovah's sovereignty and sanctifying His name' was our purpose. I thought, "Maybe that's His purpose, but it's not mine!"
I think we have to find our own purpose and meaning in our lives. After giving up so many opportunities in life as a JW and having lost so much when we left its tyranny, it's easy to fall into feelings of hopelessness and of having wasted so much of our limited time here.
For me, it's important to love and be loved and, more importantly, to have broken the multi-generational cycle of abuse in my family that left me vulnerable to cult recruitment. My kids know I love them unconditionally, and I know they love me. When I see how much my daughter loves her little boy, I know I have done my job here on this planet. Everything else is a bonus-- a beautiful sunrise, sunset or moon rise, a beautiful sea breeze to sail by and friends to enjoy it all with.
Keep looking for ways to connect with and help others, even if it is simply to smile to a stranger. Keep sharing your gift of music if it brings you happiness. This Meh feeling will pass. I know it well. Thoughts are only thoughts, and feelings are only feelings, they come and go, and they don't define who we are.
I love Terry's post! Listen to his wisdom.