Who's To Blame For The Child Abuse Problem?

by Englishman 68 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

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  waiting

  Hello amac,
  

  The only fault I can see in the WT is that they are very close knit socially and single mothers will have more people they "trust" then if they are on their own. -amac

  "Close knit socially" and a "closed society" are two different things, whether speaking of a family, a congregation, or a country. They may overlap, as there are close knit social clicks in the WT.....but the WT itself is a closed society - and one can't leave openly without punishment.

  It's not that single mothers "trust" more people. It's that parents (and disproportionately high percentage of single mothers) are TAUGHT to trust the brothers & sisters more....."new mother, father, brother, sisters". We were told that would make up for the fleshly family we lost when we entered into the WT. Remember? We were told that we were in a Spiritual Paradise right here on the earth.

  I've been in at least 6 cong. in 32 yrs. There's always those mothers who don't go out in service, but the brothers are nice enough to come get their boys to go with them. Whether it's one or more brothers. It's quite common. And it could be quite innocent too. How does one tell? There are also the mothers in the group who really appreciate someone helping them with their too many kids, particularily a seemingly (or real) nice, spiritual brother/sister.

  Single sisters with kids are some of the lonliest, put-upon, always trying, always failing, people around. No matter what they do, it's never good enough - and they're second class, period. They lack adult interaction, and their kids lack interaction all the way around. Damn straight they'd jump at the chance to have someone show an interest in their kids.

  Now add in that even if a man is found guilty of child abuse by elders.......the parent & child must NEVER speak about it to anyone.....less they be brought up on charges of slander...

  I, personally, have found this NOT to be true. - amac

  I, personally, a mother of a sexually abused child by a brother, have found this TO BE true. I was a single mother with 3 kids at the time also. After I'd gone through the local elders, CO, letter to Society, which bounced back to another CO....the CO visited me. That early 90's WT in hand (one with Job's wife telling him to curse God) - which dealt with child abuse and memory. He made it clear to me if I didn't stop speaking about it - because nothing could be done - I would be guilty of slander.

  Btw, I know this happens in families with two parents also......but many jw single mothers with kids are just needy in so many ways. I knew many of them over the years. They are a great group of women, always trying.

  waiting

  ps - thanks, Eman & Odrade - I just never thought of this in context of the setting before.
• 

  Odrade

  "Close knit socially" and a "closed society" are two different things, whether speaking of a family, a congregation, or a country. They may overlap, as there are close knit social clicks in the WT.....but the WT itself is a closed society - and one can't leave openly without punishment.

  I think this goes to the heart of the problem, again with trying to protect that "clean image" from being sullied if outsiders knew. The really terrible thing is when a mother takes steps to protect her child and other children--maybe by warning another mother. If the elders decide to take ecclesiatical privilege, it's likely that the whistle-blower receives MORE punishment than the abuser. There are several parents on this board who are df'd or da'd because of circumstance directly created from the steps they took to protect their children from further harm. It's really surprising there's not EVEN MORE RAGE than there is about this issue.

  And can I say, this thread has been a very good one. For such a hot button issue, I think we've all been remarkably calm (no flames), and articulate. I've gathered some entirely new perspectives that are very eye-opening.

  Odrade
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  ARoarer

  There are so many excellent comments here regaring Pedophiles. I noticed, however, that one extemely significant point has not been brought out about the problem of molestation among Jehovah's Witnesses. I do believe sex abuse is a problem in all religions, but JW's are especially unique in being a fertile ground for offenders to succeed and be protected. I say this from experience. I do not believe JW's should be compared to the issues in the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church is headed by single men who excersize authority over the families in their diocese. When they molest the children of these families while in their care most of the time these children are young boys. Unlike the Catholic church , and other religions who have a paid minister presiding over the congregation, Jehovah's Witnesses are made up of families who not only interact intercongregationally, but marry intercongregationally. Now, many, many of these congregations are made up of these families, many who are fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, cousins neices and nephews, grandparents etc. with a large number who have come into the religion either recently or within the last 20 & 30 years. In these families there are elders who are fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins, grandfathers all interrelated through marriages. There is a lot more instance of molestations of little girls by these men. I am not saying that boys have not been vicimized, but with the inferior view of women in this religion, and given the fact that these molesters are not like homosexual priests unrelated to the boys they molest, many of these "family" men taking the lead as elders, and MS's have a greater power over their victims. I am talking about an incestuous, interfamilial, situation, where you have the victim being molested by elder dad, or uncle or grandfather, who is also molesting others within the family and congregations. The secret is kept very well by these molesters and the co-dependant family members who are either in denial about uncle so and so or want to protect the "family" name, the elder position, all in the name of not bringing "reproach" on Jehovah. In many of these cases, even the Society does not find out about it until after many victims have been harmed. The victims are told not to talk about it, and the co-dependant family members go along with this believing they are protecting the peace of the congregation and remaining loyal. This is nohthing like the Catholic Church's sex abuse problem. It is far worse, and far more insideous, and dangerous, because unlike the Catholic victims whose families are behind them and going after the homosexual priests molesting alterboys, JW families are taking direction from elders, often family members and close friends, misguiding them into believing it is in their best interest before Jehovah that the child does not speak. In fact even the elder who wants to report it to the headquarters is directed to be silent. The situation among Jehovah's Witnesses is just as any cult whose cult leader demands sex from the children of it's members. It seems that this fact is never really brought out in the media and it should be. I cringe when they compare JW's sex abuse problems to the Catholic Church and other religions. No other religion is set up like Jehovah's Witnesses, and so the problem is that by comparing JW's to other religions they are minimizing the full impact of what victims issues are among Jehovah's Witnesses.
• 

  ARoarer

  There are so many excellent comments here regaring Pedophiles. I noticed, however, that one extemely significant point has not been brought out about the problem of molestation among Jehovah's Witnesses. I do believe sex abuse is a problem in all religions, but JW's are especially unique in being a fertile ground for offenders to succeed and be protected. I say this from experience. I do not believe JW's should be compared to the issues in the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church is headed by single men who excersize authority over the families in their diocese. When they molest the children of these families while in their care most of the time these children are young boys. Unlike the Catholic church , and other religions who have a paid minister presiding over the congregation, Jehovah's Witnesses are made up of families who not only interact intercongregationally, but marry intercongregationally. Now, many, many of these congregations are made up of these families, many who are fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, cousins neices and nephews, grandparents etc. with a large number who have come into the religion either recently or within the last 20 & 30 years. In these families there are elders who are fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins, grandfathers all interrelated through marriages. There is a lot more instance of molestations of little girls by these men. I am not saying that boys have not been vicimized, but with the inferior view of women in this religion, and given the fact that these molesters are not like homosexual priests unrelated to the boys they molest, many of these "family" men taking the lead as elders, and MS's have a greater power over their victims. I am talking about an incestuous, interfamilial, situation, where you have the victim being molested by elder dad, or uncle or grandfather, who is also molesting others within the family and congregations. The secret is kept very well by these molesters and the co-dependant family members who are either in denial about uncle so and so or want to protect the "family" name, the elder position, all in the name of not bringing "reproach" on Jehovah. In many of these cases, even the Society does not find out about it until after many victims have been harmed. The victims are told not to talk about it, and the co-dependant family members go along with this believing they are protecting the peace of the congregation and remaining loyal. This is nohthing like the Catholic Church's sex abuse problem. It is far worse, and far more insideous, and dangerous, because unlike the Catholic victims whose families are behind them and going after the homosexual priests molesting alterboys, JW families are taking direction from elders, often family members and close friends, misguiding them into believing it is in their best interest before Jehovah that the child does not speak. In fact even the elder who wants to report it to the headquarters is directed to be silent. The situation among Jehovah's Witnesses is just as any cult whose cult leader demands sex from the children of it's members. It seems that this fact is never really brought out in the media and it should be. I cringe when they compare JW's sex abuse problems to the Catholic Church and other religions. No other religion is set up like Jehovah's Witnesses, and so the problem is that by comparing JW's to other religions they are minimizing the full impact of what victims issues are among Jehovah's Witnesses.
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  JT

  I do not believe that JW pedophiles join the religion just for the social protection if offers ... nor do I believe that the numerical ratios of pedophiles among the JWs are much greater than in society at large ... rather, I believe that the JW pedophiles they do have are allowed to continue their crimes because they are not properly turned over to the authorities ... as would be the case in most religions or other social groups and situations.

  We know that the Watchtower religion denounces pedophilia. Rather than being the root of the problem, however, they are unwitting facilitators by virtue of their own foolish rules that they themselves do not use correctly or even understand fully. But, in more recent years, rather than being unwitting, they have transformed to stubborn witting facilitators ... not because they like peodphiles, but because they place an inordinate value on their own name and reputation, they cannot see the forest for the trees

  i agree with you 110%
• 

  Odrade

  Roarer makes an interesting point that I have NEVER thought about. In one congregation I was in, more than 70% of the congregation was related to each other by either blood or marriage. Another congregation was nearly 50% related. Add to that large families that are spread all over the circuit... adds a totally new dimension to the desire to keep offenses secret. It would go far beyond congregation image, and now it encompasses familial pride and honor.

  So much has been written secularly about the dynamics in the family of a molester. The secrecy is often very easy to enforce, particularly if the victim "loves" the abuser. If it even made it to the BOE, think what happens if one of the elders is a brother, cousin or nephew to the offender. Verrry interesting.
• 

  waiting

  Hello ARoarer,

  Thanks for entering this thread with yet another perspective. There are so many true ways to look at this problem.............and still more ways we haven't even commented upon.

  Unlike the Catholic church , and other religions who have a paid minister presiding over the congregation, Jehovah's Witnesses are made up of families who not only interact intercongregationally, but marry intercongregationally... In these families there are elders who are fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins, grandfathers all interrelated through marriages. There is a lot more instance of molestations of little girls by these men.

  incestuous, interfamilial, situation, where you have the victim being molested by elder dad, or uncle or grandfather, who is also molesting others within the family and congregations. The secret is kept very well by these molesters and the co-dependant family members who are either in denial about uncle so and so or want to protect the "family" name, the elder position, all in the name of not bringing "reproach" on Jehovah.

  Another version of "What goes on in these four walls, stays in these four walls." Going back to second-class women, it's been known for some time that some mothers, grandmothers, know that incest is going on. They accept if for a variety of reasons:

  • feel they can do nothing.
  • they feel they survived it for the good of the family, so can their daughters.
  • they feel it's not that much & child will get over it. they did.
  • don't want people to know about their dirty secrets.
  • don't want outsiders to find out.
  • buy into the idea that the girl deserved it, prancing around like that.
  • probably more reasons too.

  victims are told not to talk about it, and the co-dependant family members go along with this believing they are protecting the peace of the congregation and remaining loyal.

  JW families are taking direction from elders, often family members and close friends, misguiding them into believing it is in their best interest before Jehovah that the child does not speak.

  Thank you for your insight. I know you and your family have lived this nightmare.

  waiting
• 

  Pork Chop

  Interesting perspective ARoarer, I'd never thought of it that way. Not sure I give the Catholics as much a pass as you do. Knowingly shipping abusers around to different parishes where they continue to abuse is pretty nefarious if you ask me. I'm not sure worse, better, etc. are words that can be applied to this situation anyway.
• 

  Catren

  Here is a site that might provide some insight into pedophilia in general:

  http://www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/article.php?artID=273

  I found this article to be very illuminating.