Havent gone to the kingdom hall in ten years but may have to go back...

Joliette

I havent gone to the kingdom hall in ten years...but I may have to back...

Haven't found a lot of security in the world. Made a big mistake of talking about being raised as a Jehovah's Witness to some old friends and family. People have told me that I am still a JWs even though I've never been baptized. I'm in school for social services, dealing with student loan debt, and a lot of other debt. I haven't really 'thrived' out in the world. Not married and I don't have any children.

Yeah, I know it's a scam, most of the people there are crazy and brainwashed, bipolar, insane, sociopaths, but its like what other choice do I have? I'll be 39 next year, I'm getting older and I don't have a lot of choices. I don't like the idea of being back in a cult, but what other support systems do I have? If my family passes away, especially my mom, I've come to realize that I'm not gonna have anybody whose really gonna have my back? The only person I get financial support from is my mother. Yes, she's two-faced, sociopathic, bipolar, but what else has worked for me? She's married and has way more security than me. Its really more of protection thing than anything. I don't have a lot of protection out in the world.

Even though I no longer believe it in do you guys think I'm crazy for this? At this point I just don't have any other choice.

road to nowhere

There sure as hell aint a support system at the hall. At your age you must have some work friends, and neighbors.

And there are not any meetings at the hall, it is all zoom.

Joliette

Yeah I know about the zoom thing...

What if I end up getting seriously sick, I'm not married at all, don't have children, and it looks like I wont ever have children because I am too old now. I haven't gotten a lot of help and support from other ex JWs. So what other choice do I have?

PhilosophicalLogic

I recommend joining an historic Christian Church and seeking support from them. Join a Baptist church and tell them your situation and your needs, they will help you. That way, you will have a religious community to be involved with, that is not a mind control cult. Check this website for a local Baptist church near you:

https://churches.sbc.net/

Joliette

Thanks, but that probably wont work, but thank you for the suggestion, but I'll probably have to be a Jehovahs Witness again. Shoulda made better choices when I was younger.. I'll probably will always disagree with it, but what other choices do I have? I've experienced a lot of rejection, abuse at work, under employment, etc. I believe groups like Jehovahs Witnesses was created for people who have experienced rejection from the world, who can't make it out in the world. I guess I am one of those people.

Diogenesister

Joilette you’re not too old to have children at 39. I had my boys two months before my 40th birthday. I know time is ticking but there are other options for having kids than giving birth and if you’re training to be a social worker that puts you in an excellent position for fostering etc.

I do know a little of how you feel but unfortunately feeling alone is a symptom of getting older. We gradually loose those that care about us to death. Grandparents, parents, siblings...spouses.My niece has just lost her dad and she’s only 2. I would give anything to know my kids will have a parent alive at 39.In some ways you’re fortunate to have a living parent. Also, if you get baptised and then leave or can’t cope with the restrictions, your mum may shun you. It’s far more draconian now and being married her husband may force her hand.

Also, remember there are way more female JWs than male, so there’s a lot of single sisters. Some may say you’ve little chance of finding a good marriage within the organization.

But I get it, it’s terrifying. Have you considered talking to a therapist? You may have abandonment issues. I think many of us do due to childhood fear/trauma of shunning.

Perhaps you could find an ex cult member group or recovering from religion? How about ANY non affiliated Christian group, there’s some info on you tube look up Simply Christian website or Borean pickets. Failing that ANY group where you can talk, socialise and meet new people. I know it’s scary as you get older but you’ll never be so young and, trust me, at 39 you’ve still got it!!!!!

Maria Nieves

You are human and bound to make mistakes. What do you think will happen if you become baptized and sin?
I was a study and began to have doubts about the religion as I continued to grow in my studies. Well, one day, I sinned and it was not sexual. I felt really bad about the sin and it weighed heavy on my conscious and I could not bare it. As a result, I told my study conductor of my sin and I was demeaned, berated, belittled and insulted by her. I questioned myself as to why she felt that she had a right to speak to me in such a manner? I also questioned myself as to where her anger was stemmed from? After all, my sin had nothing to do with her. I thought that I was going to get shunned by her and the congregation but I wasn’t and I wondered why? I quickly learned that in the Jehovah Witness religion, you really can not be yourself.

Joliette

Thanks for your reply. Sorry not having kids in my late 30's that shoulda happened in my 20s. I should have been married and had kids in my 20s. My mom had me at 19, and it's good that she started early. Things have really worked out for her but not for me. I'm gonna end up in some serious poverty, I can see it coming. I think it will probably have to do with something medically. I'm not having kids if I don't have support. There's no way that is happening to me. I'm not looking to get married but I was just making the point that should have happened a long time ago. It is what it is.

If I had a kid at 39, I'd be 60 when my child is 21. I may not even be around by then. I should have had children when I was younger.

Maria Nieves

It sounds like you are grieving something that you feel that you have lost and I am not sure that you will find the healing that you are seeking at a congregation.
Being a Jehovah Witness is not easy if you don’t believe what is being presented to you. I was able to remain a study for as long as I did because I believed what was being presented to me. As soon as I started having doubts, it was no longer easy to study and I started looking for a way out.
The help of a good therapist might help you cope with what you are currently going through. I am not sure that being baptized is the answer and if you decide to go that route, you might end up making your current situation worse.

Joliette

I've gone through therapy that hasn't really helped. Although I hate it and I know it's a scam, I may have to go back. Had to make better choices when I was younger. Had to realize that I wasn't a Jehovah's Witness and to never talk about it again. That's the hold that this group has on people. It's all mind control. They basically own you forever. It's like slavery. The world is a very hateful place, it's gotten more racist and discriminative since I got in my 30s. Yes, you guys I know what it's really all about now, I just wish I realized it when I was younger. Once I told non JWs friends, family and coworkers that I was raised as a JWs, that's where the mistake came in. Pretty much just destroyed my life.

Havent gone to the kingdom hall in ten years but may have to go back...

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