Havent gone to the kingdom hall in ten years but may have to go back...

by Joliette 64 Replies latest jw experiences

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  jhine

  Joliette as l said l am a life long Anglican and believe me my church is nothing like the WT . I know that a lot of folk here think that they are all the same but my experience is totally different.

  I thought that l knew about JWs until l came on here and tbh it took me a long time to get my head around all the information on here . It took me a while to understand the mind control that kept people in the Org .

  When l try to talk to others in my church about the WT they think that l am being nasty because they don't get the way that members are manipulated.

  As to a " get in " just look up your local Baptist , Methodist, Anglican church and contact the Vicar , Pastor etc .

  I feel that you are making excuses, perhaps the WT teaching about Christendom is putting you off . If so then they are still controlling you .

  Jan
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  mickbobcat

  You are trying to talk yourself into a bad situation. If your mother has a shit ton of money and you want to make sure you get your inheritance and not the cult I can see the dilemma, if it is just for social networking than its absolutely bat shit crazy to go back.
  
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  WingCommander

  All-aboard the Crazy Train! Chooo-choooo!!!
  
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  carla

  Jan, I couldn't agree more! "When l try to talk to others in my church about the WT they think that l am being nasty because they don't get the way that members are manipulated." People just don't believe it.

  Joliette, I know you are worried about being all alone if something happens to you. In my limited experience reading about jw's all these years I am reminded of the many, many posts from ex jw's who's parents were lifelong died in the wool (in good standing) jw's who in their later years and on their death beds got no visits or even calls from anyone in the cong. It wasn't the cong, elders or even long time "friends" in the kh who came to take care of the person, it was the ex jw. Often the siblings who remained jw's did not even take care of the parents or spend much time with them. Why do you think your experience would be any different?

  Going back to the kh/jw's may seem like instant friends and instant bonding. There is no unconditional love though. You will always have to watch your back so to say, watch what you say, make sure you don't spill the beans about anything lest you become a possible 'danger' to someone. A bad associate. Could you really live with yourself if got someone else involved in the jw's knowing what you know now? Wouldn't you already have a big A (apostate) on you head if you went back now seeing as you left? There would always be a bit of suspicion surrounding you?

  Have you heard of Meet Up? google it, there are meet ups (not sure with covid but perhaps even on line) on any subject you could possibly be interested in. Or join a book club, craft classes that are inexpensive and so forth. There are places to make friends both online and in person even during covid. Again, go volunteer somewhere! Nothing gets you thinking less about your troubles as when you go and volunteer where people are going through really tough things (childhood cancer, homelessness, women's battery/rape shelters, suicide hotlines, lonely elderly, paralyzed veterans, veteran hospitals, illiteracy, food banks/soup kitchens, etc.... (some may be difficult due to covid but there must be opportunities out there) At any rate you may meet some wonderful new friends along the way who also are looking for a friend.

  Relationships are not instantaneous, they take time to cultivate and maintain. True relationships will not toss you overboard and have nothing to do with you just for thinking and believing contrary. A true friend will not shun you. They love you warts and all.

  Do think about finding a pro bono or sliding scale therapist even if they don't understand everything about jw's. A therapist may not understand at first but they will get it and hopefully do some research along the way.

  What is one good thing you can do today to improve your situation? Even a small thing. One thing each day. Sometimes writing things down helps, goals etc... Even watching your own thoughts can take work.

  Ultimately no one can fix your problems but you yourself even if you went back to the kh/jw's. If you went back you would still have all the same problems and the additional weight that the jw's put on you.

  Wishing you well.
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  StephaneLaliberte

  Hello Joliette, I can understand your feelings. You're looking for love, support and you believe that some is better than non at all. In the end, its your call to make. One thing I can say however is that JWs don't only come with love. They also come with judgement, fear and control. These additional negative features will cancel out the love that they bring and will drag you down to a state worst than you are now. The more you believe the teachings, the less aware you are of the negative traits. For instance, my parents do find a lot of joy with their JW friends. While they don't believe everything, they do find comfort in a lot of the teachings. Sadly though, based on your initial comment, that doesn't seem to be your case. Hence, this road may lead you to further pain that could become even worst than what you might experience today.

  You could be surprised of how many other groups out there that can provide some love and support without the negative features brought along by rigid religious teachings. First to come to mind are not-for-profit organizations such as those that take care of the homeless.
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  Ding

  Why go back into something you know isn't true and has caused you harm?

  The idea that there is nowhere else to go is part of the WT brainwashing.
  
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  jhine

  Joliette Carla makes some good points . Joining a charitably organisation means being with people who care for people, not something that the WT is known for.

  Hi Carla . It's nice to meet someone who gets what l was saying . As we know people at church don't because of their experience in church and people on here who are ex JWs don't because of their experience with a cult.

  No disrespect intended guys it just is hard to get your head around someone else's experience .

  Jan
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  GrreatTeacher

  Juliette, I'm sorry I haven't checked in in a few days and I missed your post.

  Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. However, you sound like you are suffering from depression, bigtime. My clue? One of the symptoms is Hopelessness and your posts just screams hopelessness. Everything you're saying can be summed up by: everything's terrible and it always will be (unless I grab at this crazy straw and go back to the JWs.)

  Full disclosure: I have suffered from depression since forever and when it acts up, it's sneaky. There are a million problems that I have that are just terrible! And are emergencies! And need to be solved with some drastic action! Now!

  No, that's the depression talking. Depression that is acting up and untreated makes the normal stresses of life seem impossible. But, in reality all of those things have been there and will continue to be there and you have been dealing with them before.

  But, it's the illness, the depression, that makes it feel hopeless and you desperate. Get the medical help for your illness and you WILL be able to cope with those problems. Seem it's not the problems, it's your illness making it difficult to cope right now.

  Have you ever been diagnosed with depression? If so, it appears you are not in remission right now and need to see a doctor. If not, you need to see a doctor. You do not appear to be well right now. Your distress is obvious.

  Your only problem is how to see a doctor. Do you have insurance? Do you have a primary care physician? If not, call your local health department and ask how to access care. They might have clinics available or limited walk ins or references for insurance programs for low income.

  Worse comes to worse, urgent care usually charges about $80.

  See, it's your health that matters. All the other problems get solved more efficiently after you are healthy.

  I get it. I'm late 40s and still have student loan debt. I realize you don't get Social Security if you're in default. I am and I am unemployed right now and have struggled with underemployment. I left the JWs at 19, but it has affected me mentally and I have struggled with depression, even getting a diagnosis of Bipolar2 that will always be with me. It sucks. These problems are always there and I can cope with them when I am in remission and mentally healthy, but the depression can sneak up and make life feel impossible. That's a lie. It's not. That's the depression talking.

  Please PM me if you want to talk. I live in the US, too, so I have learned my way around the educational and healthcare worlds. I might be able to help and provide support. 😊
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  Pete Zahut

  You guys are missing the point. If something ends up happening to me who is going to help me? If I ended up getting seriously sick in an accident no ex Jehovah's Witness is gonna help.

  I understand how you're feeling. Any of us who grew up JW did so waiting for the next shoe to drop. We got used to the idea that we had a safety net and were part of a worldwide brotherhood and pitied anyone who wasn't part of it.

  Apart from your immediate family and a handful of friends, the feeling of safety was an illusion. From what I've seen, when times of trouble come along, the congregation might be there with sympathetic words, mention you in a few prayers and offer a casserole or two but any real help came from family members or very close friends. Even that was short lived. It was still vital to have health insurance, social security, savings, be eligible for unemployment insurance and have a solid back-up plan. You can do this without having to sit through decades of mind numbing meetings listening to aggravating skewed logic. Why not spend the time working toward being self sufficient emotionally and financially.

  So far you've (understandably) talked about others helping you...what others can do for you when you run into trouble. What do you have to offer others?

  What if you met a man you were interested in and he told you his life plan was to join a club so that if he ran into trouble, he'd have someone to rely on. You'd likely think of him as a user and a weakling.

  Gone are the days when a woman needs to be a dependent all of her life, whether it be emotionally or financially. I can see how going back to what is familiar might help you while you are getting yourself together but I wouldn't make being a JW your master plan. It's not fair to them and it's not fair to you.

  If you want to go back to the JW's, do it for the right reasons. Like most avenues one uses to escape from reality, be it drugs, sex, alcohol, religion etc it will ultimately become a prison and eventually you'll have to the face reality you're running from, all at once. "Every form of refuge has it's price".

  Scary as it may be at first, why not face reality on your own terms rather than waiting around for it to eventually catch up with you? Often the roaring lion (your fears) become a harmless kitten when you turn around and face them head on.
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  minimus

  Is this for real? 🤔