Learn To Speak Like A Jehovah's Witness

by pale.emperor 42 Replies latest social humour

  • Ultimate Axiom
    Ultimate Axiom

    OLD TRUTH - Stuff that the passage of time has proven false, but was true at the time.

    NEW LIGHT The stuff that is true now, even though the passage of time may prove it to be false later.

    FALSE PROPHET - Those who purport to be prophets of God but who are proven false by their record of failure (excludes the WTS).

  • jwleaks

    AUSTRALIAN CHILD ABUSE ROYAL COMMISSION - An investigatory commission set up by the Australian government to look into child abuse in institutions but whose real intention is to attack and persecute jehovah's witnesses.

    RELIGIOUS PERSECUTION - Self inflicted harm carried out by Watchtower corporations due to poor organizational direction ordered by the governing body of jehovah's witnesses.

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot

    Jwleaks, I did that to someone's bicycle once.

  • stuckinarut2

    "New System" : A fairy tale utopia held as an incentive for conformism and obedience

  • Wayward

    Respect for Parents- children must respect their parents, especially the father because he's the boss, even if said father rapes or beats his children. Respect for parents doesn't necessarily translate into helping them out as their health fades and they get up in years. You're supposed to be pioneering or serving at Bethel, not supporting your elderly and sick mom and dad!

  • AnonVet

    JUST AROUND THE CORNER - A way of turning years, decades, centuries, or unknown millennium into a panic of hopeless despair for those that cannot, or refuse to, think or reason on their own. (See "tad". As in Airplane 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gd6aLnPHqeE )

  • schnell

    I got a text from some weird number while I was at work and instantly ignored it when I saw the words "encourage" and "ones".

  • HB

    When I joined this forum in 2008, I did not know any of this special JW language, having never been involved in the cult, and it took some time to learn the vocabulary and phraseology. I'm now quite fluent in 'JW-isms' thanks to reading this website.

    During my first few weeks of reading the forum, as well as learning the meaning of words like 'field service', 'Bethel', 'judicial committee', 'being marked' etc, I also had to learn lots of abbreviations like WTS, MS, COBE, DF'd, KH, GB, and others.

    Unfortunately, it made it even more confusing when posters used slang apostate terms like 'boasting session'. I had no clue what that meant.

    Three of the words/phrases that I recall finding very odd at first were:

    • 'ones' eg as in 'interested ones' written in the society's literature. It just sounded awkward, no one else uses that..

    • 'faithful and discrete slave' - I couldn't get my head around the idea of the leadership being pleased to be compared to a slave; that word has such negative connotations in modern society.

    • 'Sheep-like' - I was astounded to learn that acting like a sheep was supposed to be a good thing. Outside of the bible, the word has strongly undesirable implications, relating to slow-witted dumb animals who don't think for themselves but just blindly follow others even if the 'mob-mentality' direction is to jump over the edge of the cliff. Ironically, I found out it's very apt when referring to JWs, although its not intended to be thought of in that way.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    Behooves [ you'd better do it...or else]

    Spiritual Edification [ information that didn't make sense so it must be really important and intellectually deep ]

    Paying more than the usual attention [ any mental alertness above and beyond ones usual near comatose state]

    Spiritual refreshment [ often used to feel less guilty about being overjoyed that the meeting is finally over ]

    Enduring/Endurance [ The world is often blamed as the reason this quality is needed, when in reality, ones JW induced unrealistic demands and high expectations of life, of oneself and of others, is the true source.]

  • Heartsafire


    1) level of indoctrination, the more "spiritual" the more indoctrinated

    2) measurement jws use to judge/rate submissiveness to the org or a potential apostate, usually detected through subtle conversation sprinkled with recently changed doctrine

    Jehovahs blessing:

    1) an undefined reward that supposedly comes to jws that suffer for the org--it's never really clear what jehovahs blessing really is, but if you give up your career, your home, your money, and your family to pioneer you apparently receive this

    2) absolutely nothing

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