What Is The Position Of Witnesses For People Who Are Inactive And Don’t Want To Be Bothered By Anyone?

by minimus 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • minimus

    I used to have some close friends simply pay me a friendly visit or call to see how I was doing.

    I am curious as to whether or not the Society instructed Witnesses to no longer check on inactive ones and treat them as marked or disfellowshipped.

  • newsheep

    We know of an elderly couple right now that have gone back to their mennonite church and never got df'd by the elders in Elmira. The couple told the elders as well as five other people that they were attending another church and nothing was done.

    The couple had gotten an elders visit twice by two elders and then an ms dropped by and told them that if they wanted association that they would have to come to the meetings. Then the covid happened and the couple hasn't heard from anyone since March.

    It's up to the elders as to what they will do to inactive ones as well as df'd ones. This couple never missed a meeting or a hallbuild. They have lots of money which he was putting donations in the box up until the last two years and he said never again. They were the ones that had shown up on our doorstep in the dead of winter in the dark to let us know they would still talk to us. That they never believed in the shunning. They think it's disgraceful and they also had lent us a book by a Russell Reed who is apostate according to the jw rules. We gave them the Crisis of Conscience book to read as well and he read it twice over. That's when he finally made the break.

    If you're not going to your meetings and the elders can't get anything on you then they have a marking talk. At least that's what they did with us.

    We call each other every other week to see how the other one is doing. We will never forget their kindness that's for sure

  • minimus

    Newsheep, very insightful! Regarding my situation I have been gone for many many years and still certain people I knew I would always check on me every few months and now I’d say in the last year and a half nothing

  • RubaDub

    I have a friend, Brother Fader who I often go fishing with. He was an MS about 20 years ago then made the fade over several years. I asked him several times if he gets calls or visits and he said he did for the first couple of years but basically after that he has only seen anyone when he was shopping or something. They were generally courteous but no one shunned, just basically chit-chat.

    As newsheep mentioned, a lot is left up to the discretion of the local elders. If you go peacefully, there is much less of a chance for problems. If you say anything negative, at best you will be shunned.

  • minimus

    I agree with you what you’re saying but I am perplexed still because all these years they have left me alone but I believe either individually or maybe perhaps by the body of elders I would get friendly visits in at the end of Smalltalk it was we miss you please come back. I did mentioned before that as much as I appreciated their concerns I would not be coming back. So I think that might’ve registered

  • NVR2L8

    Newsheep...I sent you a message...

    I have been inactive for 10 years and when the elders came for a visit after I hadn't been to meetings for a year I told them I knew where the hall was and had their phone number, but I needed to be left alone. I haven't heard from them again. I have attended two or three wedding receptions and one funeral and everyone greeted me as when I went to the meetings. My wife is active and 3 years ago we move in a new area and I have not been contacted by the elders there either.

  • LongHairGal


    I’m a twenty-year ‘fader’. Maybe for the first five years or so the JWs were ‘hopeful’ you might return..Once there’s No hope, you are soft-shunned. I remember the ‘cold shoulder’ in stores. Who cares?

    I attended the memorial for the first few years and this might have given them a wrong impression that there was ‘hope’. It wasn’t happening.

    At this point I neither want nor expect them to look for me..I no longer have anything in common with these people and hardly did when I was in. That was a phase in my life that is over. Glad I got out and also grateful I held onto that job they hated me for. I wouldn’t be Retired if I listened to them.

    They might possibly be looking to reactivate a man - especially a man with a good income (= a big contributor); or perhaps a family who opened up their home, entertained and served food. They would be sought out as an ‘asset’. That’s how it works.

    I do think this campaign to reactivate people is motivated by their bottom line. In addition to no longer being interested in religion, I would never tolerate the intrusiveness or being targeted for money or favors.

  • Dagney

    I left 19 years ago, not df’d. Absolutely shunned, with exception to some news they still contact me, usually a death. I haven’t talk to my elder brother for 4-5 years and he has visited relatives and friends in my area. Oddly, he emailed and called me on my birthday last weekend.

    The rule is to punish us for leaving the faith and shunning is their method. Whatever.🥱

  • SouthCentral

    When we faded away from our local congregation… We would get a visit BEFORE every circuit overseer‘s visit. Of course, I would just let them count the time and not share my personal beliefs. No emotion and very little dialogue! This made them very angry! To me at the time, it was amusing. Now, we moved our publishers card to a congregation on the other side of town and continue to fade.

    We were only contacted once from this distant (10 miles away) congregation.

  • BluesBrother

    All I know is that up to 20 years ago, when I was involved in the cong. We were told that if they were gone a number of years and no longer viewed themselves as Witnesses and the cong, did not either..... let them be.

    If any were activated we turned a blind eye to any indiscretions they may have done while out.

    But of course ,times may have changed?

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