In The Name of Love, Need Your Opinion

by thankyou 77 Replies latest social relationships

  • thankyou

    Dear GL Tirebiter,

    I just read your recommended reading.

    Fantastic ! Very similar to the ordeal I'm going through right now.

    This JW gal did not contact me ahead of time as I had asked her to, to tell me if she didn't want the cell minutes. She allowed me to add the minutes. Then "chewed me out for doing so". Thereby, making me susceptible to the "love" the "brothers" would subsequently show.

    I guess the 2 JW guys, one of whom is black like her AND with the same first name as her, would be super friendly if I called them for bible study(which I will NEVER do, by the way).

    Man, this sure appears to be a "sinister" "religion-organization".

    Thanks to you kind folks, I'm actually "dodging a bullet". Thank you so much!

  • GLTirebiter

    What is the best way to deal with her JW mindset so that I can help her.

    If she does not want to be helped out of the Watchtower organization, then there's not much you can do for her. It is more often counter-productive. Some people prefer to stay, because it is their comfort zone, especially when that comfort zone includes their relatives.

    She didn't call. So today, to help her out, I added some minutes to her cell ph. When I called her to check if ph co. added the minutes, she ranted on about not to buy her cell minutes and not to call her.

    It seems she has made a choice, and that she chose the Witnesses, Your best course would be to not pressure her. It is more likely to drive her further into the Watchtower, rather than draw her towards you. I think the best and most honorable course is to do as she wishes, and move on.

    It is sad that it has turned out that way, but prolonging things is more likely to make things worse than to improve them. Cherish the memory of the good, recognize the difficulties, and move on.

  • ShirleyW
    What's the reason for your mentioning that she's black, I didn't read thru all the previous pages, but I saw someone else asked you that as well
  • thankyou


    Just in case there are any cultural differences that I'm not aware of someone out there might be able to give me some helpful advice. I had a girlfriend from Haiti, she always called it "cultural differences".

    I spent years in Asia and found, for example, that the girls in the Philippines were "different" (eg. dating rules, expectations, etc etc.) than the girls in Japan who were different from the girls in Hong Kong.

    I'm really crazy about her, but it looks like at 50 yrs old, she's preferring JW.......

    Very sad and heartbreaking. It doesn't have to be one or the other, I guess, unless it's JW.

  • thankyou

    GL Tirebiter,

    "If she doesn't want to be helped......not much you can do". "Some prefer to stay cause it's their comfort zone".

    That's great advice. And, I agree with it, and wouldn't want to do anything less than what is honorable.

    But, I'm not yet fully convinced that is the situation for 2 reasons:

    (1) We hung out for 2 weeks and she was a completely different person (highly compatible), that is, UNTIL I expressed affection for her which triggered her fear and JW-imposed anger when I told her I had girlfriends.

    (2) I read the Website reading you recommended. It described her to a T. From what she told me I suspect she is on her way to "fading". As the website states, something to the effect, that she is like a trained attack dog that has been "abandoned" by it's master (JW).

    And, that with unconditional love, patience, time, etc. etc. such a person MAY have a chance to "recover".

    ( I was the lucky recipient of my now-departed wife's 100% unconditional love. It was the most wonderful experience while she was alive and somehow or other she lovingly, metaphysicalIy left it all to me.)

    I could be 100% mistaken, but to me, this gal's behavior clearly falls within the parameters described in that recommended website. And, I can't describe in a post all that went on between us or even the nuances now.

    Your advice is tops, but I'm not ready to give up yet. She's a human being and a nice-special one. I just wish there was an instructional manual from this point forward.

    Thank you kindly GL, I really appreciate your help.

  • never a jw
    never a jw

    I just wish there was an instructional manual from this point forward

    Steve Hassan perhaps. Many here highly regard his books. Do your research

  • thankyou
    Thank You for the help, "never a jw"
  • VIII

    My Mom was a serial dater of " Worldly " men in her 30's and 40's. She was looking for a husband but also looking for someone who would convert to JWs. All were well off. None would convert.

    She played the game your friend is playing. She was seemingly Spiritually Weak yet went out in service every Saturday and to every meeting. We were gossiped about because of her dating practices and ended up being shunned because of her behavior. She got DFd for fornication for her one lapse and had sex with one of her boyfriends-1 time. She confessed the whole thing to me-I was 15! Long story.

    She lost all her friends and learned you don't leave the JWs without painful repurcussions. She got reinstated and never lapsed and never dated again. She is now a complete JW robot who is gleefully waiting for Armageddon and Jehovah to annihilate billions of people.

    Your friend is not looking for rescue-she's looking for a convert.

    Please stop trying to get her out. It's a waste of time. When a cult member is in, only they can get out. They have to make the effort to see the light.

  • Diogenesister
    I don't believe the nonsense that there's one person out there for everyone. You can find another girl that will be just as compatible and you'll feel just as strongly about that won't be in a cult. Just move on. I absolutely promise you that your life will be better if you do. There is no doubt in my mind.

    I know you really don't want to hear this, lovey, but it's 100% true. I mean if were true we have these 1 special soul-mates imagine what the chances of meeting them would be, let alone at the same age, language etc etc. Mother nature is not fussy. She want's you making babies asap!! There really are lot's of fantastic girls & boys out there, any number of whom you could be trully happy with, if only you will let yourself!

    Is there more going on here? Would you like to be her knight in shining armour - and resue her maybe? I am very sorry if I have this wrong, but do I remember you mentioning she is homeless, & was sleeping on a bench or something? If so it gives you an idea of how uncaring the WT association is, a Christian org who allow their own to be homeless with no charitable branch -that it's just a business shines out in this area of JW - dom like no other. Even that I can easily imagine it say's a lot. They strongly discourage education, request money then provide no aid to needy members. How un-Christian!

    Please take care of yourself and maybe seek some help, counselling, to try and work this out of your system. As to the phone call, I only know JW's do not celebrate, but if you wish to call a friend to give them a warm greeting go right ahead! Who know's, it may lift her spirits enough to get her thinking why simple good wishes for a holiday could be so wrong!

    Take care x

  • thankyou

    VIII and Diogenesister,

    Thank you so much for your sharing, analysis, and advice. It is appreciated.

    I'm on the way out of the house now and will re-read them later.

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