In The Name of Love, Need Your Opinion

by thankyou 77 Replies latest social relationships

  • thankyou

    I'm Non-JW.

    Been following this forum. Most of you folks have been through Hell, but are still loving souls. I'm reeeally impressed and glad to be here.

    My question is at the end of this. Basically I've posted my story elsewhere, but in summary:

    Met a cute black girl(JW, formerly a Methodist) . We "hung out" for about 2 weeks. I was seriously attracted to her looks, personality, character, soul. The attraction was mutual.

    Everything was fine until I made the mistake of verbalizing my "feelings" for her. It seemed to set off a "danger" alarm in her mind. Conduct was ok, but not orally expressing it. She said we cannot be boyfriend-girlfriend cause she is a JW.

    Slowly she backed away. No angry or terminating words, just quietly, physically walked away.

    Most of you have said, because of the JW forget her, that nothing good can come from this, only more heartache.

    But, I'm trying to be true to my own heart and pursue her. She told me at the beginning that it wouldn't be easy because she is a JW.

    I know there is a part of her that remains unaffected by her JW beliefs. I know that she wants me to succeed.

    At first when I called her, she wouldn't answer or return my calls. Then, she started answering, but brushing me off kind of coldly.

    Now when I call she gives me time to first greet her and still brushes me off with the JW thing, but does it in a warm kind way.

    So, I feel like I'm making progress in baby steps.

    I always have tremendous anxiety before calling her because I don't know what to expect, she could have cancelled her phone or something.

    But, I try to summon up the courage, not only cause I want her, but because I know she wants me to succeed. But, unfortunately, there is no instruction booklet.

    Anyway, (whew), my question:

    Tomorrow being Thanskgiving, I want to call her, not to mention the words "Thanksgiving", but just to connect to her cause it is an important day for society/family. I realize JW do not celebrate Thanksgiving. Haven't called her for a week and a half. Should I call her on Thanksgiving Day?

    p.s. When I met this girl I had 2 very attractive girl friends. Actually much better looking than this girl. But, I've forgotten about them. That's how I feel about this gal. It's like the gal who posted w/in the last few days about her having found "real" love.

    Thank you

  • cappytan
    When I met this girl I had 2 very attractive girl friends.

    You were dating two girls at the same time? Did they know about each other?

  • _Morpheus

    Heres the thing.... Call, dont call its your choice and you have to live and die with it.... Its not going to change the reality:

    The bigger issue is trying to have a relationship with someone in a cult. The odds are 10,000 to 1 against you... Maybe 1,000,000 to 1 maybe more..... You simply cannot expect happiness from this relationship. Its not going to end well no matter what you do.

    You mentioned another poster who found real love... I think you mean cognac. Go back through her posts. Its been like 8 or 9 years of heart break for her with a JW guy.... Shes just now coming out of it.... Its misery. Im stuck with a witness wife. Complete hell somedays.... Over and over these stories play out on this forum.... Your not different. Your jw girl isn't a special snowflake.. She in cult that teachs her to hate people like you. Shes already pulled away. Even if you temporarily convince her to have a relationship with you it wont end well.

    you also mention specifically that she is black.... This leads me to assume you are not, other wise why bring it up. Mixed relationahips/marriages are not all uncommon but also present challenges in themselves...

    This is a disater waiting to happen. You wont listen. You will try anyway. We will be here for you when you need to talk again....

  • Crazyguy
    You have been told already stop wasting your time, listen and save yourself a lot of grief.
  • Giordano

    I wouldn't call her on Thanksgiving day or any holiday for that matter.

    The JW's often have a big meal with family on thanksgiving day because "turky is cheaper then" which is a big LOL.

    As you have noted while she may like you and even appreciate your attention she is going to continue to feel compromised if she begins to see you on a regular basis. She also may fear the consequences related to her family, congregation and the Elders.

    For every 100 Jehovah's Witnesses more than 1 is disfellowshipped each year; over 70,000.(1) Two out of every three are never reinstated.(2) Being disfellowshipped can result in serious emotional side affects because:

    • those that continue to believe Watchtower doctrine are told that whilst disfellowshipped they are condemned to everlasting destruction.(3)
    • those who become unbelievers, with no intention of returning to the Watchtower Society, realise they are unlikely to freely associate with Witness family and friends for the remainder of their lives.

    Their are 34 plus reasons a baptized JW can be disfellowshiped and shunned for:

    I suggest you go to this site and see the other part of the JW construct The reasons a person can be disfellowshiped. After reading them you will understand the pressure on her and why we have been warning you.

  • OneEyedJoe

    Yes, please please please do yourself the favor of not bothering with her. She's already tried to get rid of you and maybe you'll win her over short-term but more than likely even if you start dating someone will find out and the other cult members will turn up the pressure on her to drop you. It will be constant and unless she doesn't believe in the cult or is willing to live without contact with her family ever again, she will most likely submit to the pressure.

    I don't believe the nonsense that there's one person out there for everyone. You can find another girl that will be just as compatible and you'll feel just as strongly about that won't be in a cult. Just move on. I absolutely promise you that your life will be better if you do. There is no doubt in my mind.

    I want to tell you to call on thanksgiving, because that'll likely make her pull away more which would be in your best interests. You have the right to decide for yourself, so I'll just say she'll probably not appreciate the call. Even if you don't mention thanksgiving, the correlation will probably be obvious and will only serve to remind her that you're not a cultist and she is, and she's strongly discouraged from having any dealings with you (romantic or otherwise) because you are "worldly" and "bad association." To her and her family and other cultists you are going to be viewed as an instrument of Satan, trying to draw her away from god. Reminding her of that is unlikely to help you with her.

  • LisaRose

    Go find a nice girl who isn't a Jehovah's Witness, there are lots of them. This girl doesn't even sound like she is all that interested in you, and even if she was it would not be a good thing, she would always feel guilty about it and/or try to convert you. It's a cult, they control people by fear, obligation and guilt, trust me, you don't need that in your life. We get people in your situation here a lot, it never really ends well, so save yourself the pain and move on.

    Love does not conquer all.

  • silvia
    Oh my Certainly don't call her on the day of a Holiday. She'll see you even more as a worldly person. I personally have been in your shoes. I have had a certain something going on with a JW man for many years now. I'm sure she wishes that she could end up with you. There's slim pickings from what i gather for females. Just so you know....every single week. The JW community aka..friends and the Watchtower will readjust her thinking. Read ahead on the study materials to prepare yourself for the roller coaster ride. Also, she will not go out of her way to contact you. Everything about the relationship will be you doing the work. Appearances are everything to them especially when they are kinda being bad. My advice though....just give up and run as fast as you can. The mind games and rules are so harsh emotionally to cope with.
  • Quarterback
    It's time to move on my friend
  • oppostate

    As the majority of Witnesses, she probably exemplifies a gentle personality, and exhibits the quiet-and-kind demeanor that must be quite attracting for you. Don't fall for it, and if it's already too late and you've fallen, get over it.

    If not, well... I'm married to a very loyal JW and she is the kindest and nicest person but... when she feels I'm rejecting the cult she can be quite the tigress. You'll learn about the dark side of the cult if your relationship ever develops to a serious "courting" and "dating" level.

    If she does consent and dates you, she'll most likely feel guilty because she's going against what her cult says she should be doing.

    If you really care about her and you can't stay away, then try to get her to see the cult for what it really is, a scamming corporate realestate grabbing religious company that sucks the life out of its followers.

    Before you dive in head first and keep pestering her with your amorous attentions, read the book Crisis of Conscience to get a good idea of the JW reality behind the scenes (behind the curtain) it's a different kind of play back there and you won't like it.

    best wishes to you


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