In The Name of Love, Need Your Opinion

by thankyou 77 Replies latest social relationships

  • silvia
    I'm also going to put this out there....How much property do you own? It seems they are going out of their way on your behalf. I'm a landowner myself.
  • thankyou


    Heck, you're doing a great job of explaining things. I'm eternally grateful.

    Misogynistic, geez! She has so many problems. Minority, female, poverty, 99% chance of history of abuse, possibly emotional-mental issues, and now caught up in this kind of situation.

    I'm sure there are many layers to her. But, to me she comes across as a nice person.

    The location the JW set up in is "extremely" coincidental then. There are other beach parks, and even within this beach park there are many places to set up such a public display.

    Here's another coincidence. She is black. One of the JW gentleman is black. They both have the same first name which can be used as either masculine or feminine. I assume her total innocence, but it's a significant amount of coincidence.

    With all her problems, it just makes me want to help her even more.

    I never wanted to pry into how long she has been a Witness and/or how deep her beliefs are.

    The only thing I ever said to her was that "I checked out your religion online and it looks like a lot of people feel it involves mind control". "And, I hope you can get out of it.."

    She didn't say anything.

    She is extremely bright, so she must know at some level.

    Thank you again very much!

  • thankyou


    Thank you kindly for your post.

    Yes, I've been trying to educate myself on this religion.

    Sorry, I may have misled you. By "spiritual match", I didn't mean to imply spiritual "compatibility", but rather a "spiritual challenge"/possibly battle to overcome what "controls" her.

    I was happily married to a Filipina from the Philippines for many years. We had a great relationship. BUT, she had 6 sisters and 2 brothers. They outwardly practiced Catholicism, YET simultaneously/quite furtively practiced their indigenous "native" "religion" which involved "chants", "curses", "mind control" etc. She was inherently less into it and watched herself carefully around me. And, must have sensed my innocent unsophisticated love for God could help her and that's why she was so devoted to me. I had the "pleasure" of hearing her sing happily in the last days of her life. Guess she was given to know that she was going to Heaven. The last day of her life, she was so calm and natural and totally ok with where she was "going." She was a very loving soul, never heard her say a bad word about any person in all those years we were together. And, somehow she left me with all her love, which I now have a need to give to others.

  • thankyou

    Hi Silvia,


    Yes, I do own real property 2 houses in TX, a Townhouse in CA and a Townhouse in FL/4 properties. I never told her that. Although she did come home with me to the FL property. But, it's easy enough to look up online in most states.

    If I look at this objectively, I really have to come down on the side of it being a "set up". There's just too much specific coincidence. And, you have experienced similar kinds of things.

    I have to agree with you also that I am smitten and appear to be groping around in the dark while I gather information.

    On the other hand, no, no, I do not ever intend to study the bible with JW or any other religious group.

    With all the wonderful help I've received from you folks, I'll be ok.

    I just want to help her, if I can. And, there's more time needed and work to do before making a determination if that's going to be the best/prudent thing to do.

    Thanks Silvia. Your input (and everyone else's) is truly appreciated!

  • talesin

    What I really meant is that they (JWS) have a different type of spirituality - they virtually have none. They are more like drones, than passionate adherents.

    It's hard to put into words. But I would agree that you are 'smitten', and nothing wrong with that. Eyes wide open, and watch out for the love bombing; ie, don't let it fool you.

    All the best,


  • thankyou


    Thank you. I understand and really appreciate what you are saying.


  • thankyou

    Silvia et AL,

    Silvia, your concern re real property and the comments of others in this forum re property has acted as a catalyst:

    I have a plausible theory, which is that: this gal that I'm smitten with is used by JW as a pawn to target real property owners and those w/at least a modicum of money. She then turns the person(s)over to the local KH folks for "processing."

    I recall a few yrs ago that my Mom had told me that when her well-to-do older sister passed away, this sister's good-hearted, but naive spoiled, drug using son, (who had inherited the house) was particularly distraught,/vulnerable joined the WatchTower and transferred legal title of the expensive home to Watch Tower.

    I'll leave aside, for now, questions like: is "Jehovah" the same God to whom Christians and I pray. And, to what extent is this gal I'm interested in aware what she is caught up in and does she really want "out" of it (JW)?

    Early on in a restaurant while I was looking her straight in the eye, I could read her thought and subsequent demeanor which was: "Oh, I don't want to hurt you [my name]"...and looked sincerely remorseful.

    I brought her to my home and told her she was welcomed at any time to stay with me and that I would help her "get on her feet". It explains why she came home with me (kinda dangerous), cause she wanted to c/out the property.

    It explains why when I respectfully didn't try to "make out" with her at home, she later respectfully became really deeply enamoured w/me.

    After 2 days, I needed a break from the situation. It was intense mutual attraction/controlled. I phoned her a few days later. She said to me "it's really dangerous for you, so I don't know when I can see you again".

    Maybe it's kind of like the "spy" who falls in love with the opposing country's adversarial "spy".

    It explains why she said she has to "keep moving". It explains why she appeared so poor, yet had personal knowledge of some well-to-do communities.

    I could go on n on, this theory answers/explains so many questions in my mind till now.

    Perhaps instead of ripping me off, I'll be able to help her get free from the oppression IF that is what she wants and IF I'm strong-competent enough to carry it out.

    I want to say more, but got stuff to do right now.

    Any, and all, ideas are more than welcomed!

  • thankyou


    "She's in a cult that teaches her to hate people like you"

    Although it wasn't like that at the beginning, it seems to be the way things have become.

    PLEASE, can you explain/teach me everything you about how they go about causing the person to become hateful, the mindset of that hateful person, and how to "break through" to reach the hateful person to help them.


  • GLTirebiter

    (1) What, if any, is the consequence or significance of being deemed "spiritually weak"?

    Officially, they should be encouraged to become better Witnesses. In practice, they often are avoided, left off invitation lists (a significant burden when your social circle consists almost entirely of other JWs), and gossiped about (the phrase "Holier than thou" comes to mind). "Spiritually Weak" is not the lowest spot in the Kingdom Hall pecking order, but it's very close.

    Always remember that your friend is taking a risk just by being your friend, especially with you being a non-believer and of the opposite sex!

    (2) What's the deal with a JW member who is unmarried and "disassociates" herself?

    They would say "Sister X is no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses." This makes the person a Bad Association, a person with whom a Witness should have as little contact as possible (generally limited to "essential family matters" for relatives, necessary interaction in the work place, and attempts to convince them to return to the flock). Disassociation means they have given a letter of resignation to the elders (which they may have requested, with being disfellowshipped the likely alternative.) Disfellowshipping would be considered a worse status than disassociation, though the treatment the person receives really isn't much different. Both tend to be worse than a successful fade, just quietly going away while attracting as little attention as possible ("fade" is a term you will see here among the ex-JWs, sometimes it works, other times you called in to see the elders and end up getting disfellowshipped, or involuntarily disassociating.)

    However, being disassociated or disfellowshipped means they can feel free to ignore the Watchtower rules about who they can date and marry. Sometimes it's a case of "It's better to beg for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission."

    Recommended reading: Dating/Witnessing to a Lapsed Jehovah's Witness, at the web site.

  • thankyou

    GL Tirebiter,

    Thank you. I'll keep your nice explanation as a reference and c/o the recommended reading.


    "Always remember that your friend is taking a risk just by being your friend, especially with you being a non-believer and of the opposite sex".


    Yes, I was reminded of that today. I try not to pressure her by texting a brief text once a week only and calling about once every week and a half.

    When we were "together", she didn't have enough money to keep minutes on her cell ph. So, we would go to Walmart n I would buy some for her.

    Other day I got her voicemail n left msg was going to buy her some cell minutes and to call me if ahead of time if she didn't want them.

    She didn't call. So today, to help her out, I added some minutes to her cell ph. When I called her to check if ph co. added the minutes, she ranted on about not to buy her cell minutes and not to call her.

    I'm getting fed up real fast. (Today I spent some time w/a normal concurrent girlfriend. It was so nice . No drama, no intrigue. As I've told her, even at 53 she could still get work as a model)

    But, this JW girl is a "piece of work". I'm about to lose romantic interest in her. But, I still definitely want to help her, but she's making even that difficult.

    So, being close to me at the beginning wasn't a problem, but assuming that it now is because of her JW,

    What is the best way to deal with her JW mindset so that I can help her.

    I mean if worse comes to worst, I can actually forget about her, BUT my conscience will bother me every day for the rest of my life. My gut feeling is that if I cut off contact w/her she most likely will never again voluntarily contact me.

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