In The Name of Love, Need Your Opinion

by thankyou 77 Replies latest social relationships

  • Zana

    My 2 cents:

    Figure out how deep she is in. When und why did she join this religion? Does she have worldly friends? What about her family?

    If you're lucky she might be a "liberal" JW. My wife is one. Her best friend is a muslim. She was willing to marry me, an unbelieving mate, although she knows that people look down on her for that. She puts the needs of her family above the demands of her congregation, for example not going to meetings when one of our children is sick. She knows that she is considered a spiritually weak person but it doesn't bother her much.
  • WireRider

    2 years - awesome relationship.

    We both had a past - both divorced from very very bad marriages. 44/39. She was JW. We were engaged for about 24 hours. Her brother found out and turned her in to the Watchtower. She thanked me for fucking up her entire life. I'm not sure how that happens. My Christian Church would have welcomed her with very open arms.

    I haven't been able to see her ever again.

  • WireRider
    I truly hate the Watchtower for humans that have NEVER spoken with God screw with people's lives - if they may leave the slave trade.
  • thankyou


    Thanks. Looks like you're married to a one in a million gal. Congratulations!

    I had a wife like that, was aware of it and appreciated it every day, but after many years together she went to heaven.

    So, I need to start all over again.

    This gal now has a sister in Georgia and a Grandpa in S. Carolina.

    I tried to keep it "light" w/her, and not pry too much, but yah, sure wish I had asked how long and why she joined JW.

    I didn't know anything about JW, thought they were just a fringe Protestant group of pleasant people who knocked on doors on week ends.

  • thankyou


    "I haven't been able to see her ever again".

    If you are willing to say, can you tell the story, in detail whatever you know, of what happened after you asked her to marry you and she said "yes".

    I mean after her brother did a "number" on her, did you folks argue? Or, did she just say she can't see you anymore? etc. etc.

    Man, that sounds "rough", and how in the heck have you been able to deal with that? etc.

  • GLTirebiter

    At least she has been honest with you, up to this point. If you continue, you will be pressured to convert...subtly, slowly, but surely. Dinner with her Theocratic family, where the main topics of conversation are Watchtower related: the meeting, going out in service, who is DF'ed, who was selected to go to Gilead (missionary school) or Bethel (headquarters), who will be the next ministerial servant, etc. Or you may be asked to go with her to a meeting "just to see what it's like" or to hear her cousin's first talk, or be invited to attend their "memorial" (of the Last Supper, this is the only annual JW holy day.) An elder may "just happen" to drop by and engage you in religious conversation. Most of all, if you are not a JW (or at least a potential convert) then you are not Acceptable Husband Material, and therefore not to be dated (JWs`are supposed to date only with serious intent to seek a spouse).

    She said we cannot be boyfriend-girlfriend cause she is a JW.

    The implication of this statement is that you have a choice to make, because she and the Watchtower religion are a package deal. If you continue to pursue her after she said this, it will be seen as an openness to Watchtower conversion. It is important that you understand that this is the way the Witnesses see the situation!

  • nonjwspouse

    This is critical, CRITICAL

    I didn't know anything about JW, thought they were just a fringe Protestant group of pleasant people who knocked on doors on week ends.

    Do that research NOW, YESTERDAY. Do not go into something this damaging with so much ignorance. Discover what you are setting yourself up for. , the book Crisis of Conscience, Steven Hassan's books on high mind control groups.... and a lot of other good books or web sites will fill you in. DON'T put this off.

  • thankyou


    Just made a long post to you, but lost it, so just briefly this time.

    Coffee spurting from your nose, that's funny!

    Re JW elder (43 yrs JW). Yes, you corroborated my perception, enough said, they may read this forum.

    She likely "acting as siren..trying to get disfellowshipped..mental health issues". Yes, probably some or all of these. Plus her JW beliefs not to assoc w/non JW. Plus it's a lot of pressure for her to deal with some guy who is interested in her.

    "Reading too much into this relationship". Anything is possible. She is a JW, may have mental health issues (prior to and/or exacerbated by JW). But, based on my experience, she likes me ALOT. It's all just too much for her to handle and she needs time and space (which I'm patiently giving her).

    She has a lot of problems. Nathan says this is a pathetic "romance". And, I can see how one can say that. But, it is what it is. What really bothers me is that she is so poor (food, clothing, and now shelter who knows?)

    "Stalking". No, not at all. (but who knows, if she has mental health issues). Not considering what we went through. I'm actually being quite patient.

    She only gave one brief sign of a mental health issue/or could have just been stress, before I even spoke to her. But, once we met she was ok. Although once or twice I asked her something that she couldn't remember the answer to and seemed perplexed that she couldn't remember. I've read somewhere online that JW have been known to use "regression" techniques w/a member. She's actually a sweet girl though.

    I want to say more, but got to go out now.

    Thanks Sylvia!

  • thankyou

    GL Tirebiter

    "package deal" ".... this is the way the Witnesses see the situation!"

    Thank you very much for that insight into JW thinking.

    I visited a Kingdom Hall. Although very affable, it seemed to me that the few folks there, doing yard work, were a little bit "out of focus".

    I don't know if it was mental/emotional/spiritual on their part, or just my imagination. At least that's the way it seemed to me. I was only there about 10 minutes. It is extremely subtle, almost imperceptible.

    So, I won't be going back there or ever getting involved in JW. Or, any church denomination for that matter. I saw it as a 12 year old in the Protestant-Episcopal church denomination.

    I like your caveat-warning.


    p.s. Since a JW is admonished not to even date a non JW. How has a JW spouse navigated things in such a way as to end up with a non JW spouse?

  • LisaRose
    They usually get frustrated with the lack of desirable dating prospects in their religion, so are tempted by someone they meet through work or whatever and have a relationship and get married. They may even leave the religion because of it, but soon feel guilty and go back. You can't be disfellowshipped for marrying outside of the religion, but you can be for having sex outside of marriage, which is pretty common when it's a non JW relationship. But even if you are disfellowshipped, you can go back and get reinstated if you act like you are sorry and are willing to sit at the Kingdom Hall like a pariah for a year with no one talking to you. At that point you are married and there is nothing they can do about it.

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