by EdenOne 104 Replies latest jw experiences

  • truthseeker100
    Viviane is a necessary evil!! I enjoy what she has to say.
  • prologos

    boycott the v with the non-click of a mouse. amazingly effective effacing. stay.

    You quit,-- the pathological naysayer won. added: Do your own moderating, as a better, not bitter Eden 2.

  • JWdaughter
    We will miss you.
  • Illuminated

    An insecure bully, is an insecure bully who feeds off of bringing people down.

    I haven't read the post you mentioned as the very same person you speak of attempted to pull a similar situation in my own experience as well it seems. Not happening. I avoid posts with she/he.

    The best way around a bully, don't run as they feed off of that. Just stop giving them your energy. Avoid posts with them.

    Edit: It's wonderful all of you are opening up and sharing your thoughts, opinions, agreeing/disagreeing, what you weren't allowed to do within the cult. There is a line however between insulting people as a 13 year old bully would and agreeing to disagree.

  • Magnum
    Gosh, this saddens me. Please reconsider. You're needed and wanted here. I always looked for your name/avatar and read your posts.
  • clarity

    Who the heck is Vivianne ....don't remember her/him!

    Have a wonderful life Eden .....that is the goal after all.

  • LisaRose

    I am sorry you feel you had to leave over the comments of a poster. In any community of people you will always find a variety of people with a variety of ideas and manners. Getting upset because someone was rude is understandable, but demanding apologies and insisting that others be banned for them is just setting yourself up for disappointment.

    I used to get upset when people made personal attacks, or misconstrued my words, or disagreed with me, and of course it hurt my feelings. But I found responding defensively just started a negative back and forth that just never ended. I finally realized that It's entirely possible to just ignore comments and not respond in any way. Really, not only can you, but it's best. Often bullies are looking for that response, it's the payoff for them, so refusing to engage is the worst thing you can do to the. So what if they insulted you? Take the long view and be the better person and refuse to respond in kind, or even respond at all.

    If anything I feel sorry for anyone who needs to act in that way, as it tells me they are not happy in their life. It's just words in the ether, not meaningful in my life to any way, really. In our previous life as Jehovah's Witnesses there was unity and firm rules, but that unity was at the cost of intellectual freedom and choice. I treasure the right to disagree, to say something is bunk when I think it is, to defend my view point. I would not want to be on a forum that was so heavily moderated as to eliminate all controversy. I also see that many here have made personal attacks on Viv that are worse that her original rudeness, imho. I personally feel that she bothers people so much because she is most often right, but it's easier to get upset with her rudeness that counter her logic.

    But of course you can choose to go, if negative comments bother you that much it's probably best. Being an Ex JW is hard enough, you don't need to add any more stress. But I think we are a better community if we have a variety of viewpoints, so I would wish for you to stay, ignore the negativity and continue to contribute your unique opinions. In any case I wish you well and hope the decision brings you peace.

  • wannaexit

    Oh gosh Eden! I am not a great poster but I read a lot on this forum and I've always enjoyed your posts. I used to read Vivienne too. But he/she has turned me off many times. When I see his/her posts I skip through them.

    Sending you good wishes whatever you decide to do.

  • Simon

    Just for the record if anyone else ever has any issues with another poster ...

    Please be realistic. If you send me a complaint but no real detail and then when I ask for some detail you send war & peace but ignore the "what exactly are you looking for me to do?" part ... you need to give me more than a day to look into things. You may be intimately involved with the discussion you are having but don't assume that I am, even if I've posted on the topic. I can't keep up with every interaction between every combination of posters.

    Please be patient - I could have other things to deal with such as project deadlines, parent-teacher interviews or whatever ... that boring day-to-day life stuff that takes up time as well and sometimes I just need a break and want to watch TV. Also, there is no guarantee that if I do decide to take some action against a poster that I will feel it appropriate to tell you or anyone else about it. Finally, sometimes the action can only be taken over time - it means keeping an eye on someone's posting in future to step in and try and cajole / correct behavior but again, that takes time. Instant results are just unrealistic.

    I don't have a magic wand to make everything better and while you may feel you have been insulted, expecting me to delete another poster or, well, I don't know what ... whatever will make you happy. It's just not unrealistic..

    The posting guidelines are there to encourage everyone to contribute to creating a welcoming community. It includes not offending others and also not being too quick to take offence. But we won't all get on all the time. Sometimes someone won't think they have done anything wrong or won't be willing to apologize. Are we supposed to beat it out of them? If you think they have misrepresented you then you can state why and leave it at that - trust your fellow community members to be able to discern for themselves who they think is being an ass.

    I've had falling outs with people (way too many people probably) but guess what - some of the people I've clashed with in the past are people I now respect the most and who's opinions I am most interested in because I can trust them to say how they feel. We don't always have to get on with everyone, sometimes some people just grate on us. If we can recognize that it helps avoid some of the conflict by seeing the part we play in it.

    Anyway, sorry if you feel you want to go but I won't beg you to stay - sometimes it's time for people to move on and sometimes people need an excuse to do so. But I never like to hear anyone say they feel they are forced to leave (unless it's by me, bwa ha ha haaa).

    Sorry if you feel I haven't done a good enough job.

  • azor

    Eden I disagree with you more than I agree and yet I value your contribution. I hope all is well with your wife and family. I will just say that if your leaving for a dispute with one person among the throng here that don't, you should leave. For it shows your overly sensitive nature. I have read many of your posts and banter with her back and forth.

    I have always thought of this as a forum of ideas, and cult escape. It has many different things for many different people, in various phases of their life. I have learned and continue to learn much here. If there is someone that is unyielding that is there problem. To me you are proving to be the unyielding one here.

    If someone says rude things about me or my ideas I try to clarify and if it persists I ignore them. Wish others could do the same.

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