by Ravyn 210 Replies latest members adult
As Jack N. said in a Few Good Men, 'You can't handle the truth'. Yes and No, depending on the individual and circumstance. I pity people who live in the land of Oz, they refuse to accept 'harsh' reality. Do not some parents practice, 'tough love', why?
Guest 77
That depends. Sometimes you can fill a tooth, and sometimes you've gotta yank 'em. It depends on how rotten they are.
LoneWolf
Several good points have been made here. Thank you for the thread.
I feel that honesty shouldn't be harsh. Or given in anger. People are generally more receptive to a kind word than a slap in the face.
Although, some people just don't get it the first dozen times and need slapping. It's a delicate balance.
Arrowstar
Xandria said;
****Honesty has be be balanced with communication of feelings and thoughts. Both must go in with an open mind.****
Can't be said better, especially with the medium we all try and communicate with.
Danny
Words of wisdom that I try to remember:
The heart is not reached by hurling angry words at the mind.
Love, Scully
This is a great question, thank you! Honesty does not have to be harsh, but must stand its ground. If the motive is to help, improve and or raise up the person being spoken of, then the love and concern of the giver will shine through. There are ways to be honest, as stated by other forum members, that can soften the blow, and there are times when one should just take a pass, but the motive of the giver is the key to any honest comments. Maverick
The flavor of honesty is dependent upon the person it is being fed to
Nice comment.
When Jesus rebuked Peter, an impetuous fisherman, he said "Get behind me, Satan" , brutally honest but Peter could take it.
When Martha told Jesus off for tarrying while Lazurus was sick , he just said "Your brother will rise" , I believe in a kindly tone.
So honesty is tempered by a knowlege of the person to whom we speak . If we want our communication to be effective be honest, but recognize the nature of the person to whom we speak
I think you can be honest without being harsh, but you have to understand how to talk to the person with whom you're being honest. Example: Yesterday as we were getting ready for the Apostafest at our house, I asked Big Tex for an honest answer to the question of should I bother putting makeup on. He said, maybe just a smidge, which was a nice but honest way to say "yes." That's honest but it wasn't harsh so I proceeded to the Makeup Department. Contrast that with my dear departed TACTLESS father, who once looked at me and said out the clear blue sky: "You're getting Aunt Nell's hips." Grrrrrr.
There's a time and a place for everything.
Nina
A person who is skilled with words (large vocabulary or not) and motivated by a genuine desire to get to the truth (or help people) doesn't ever need to be harsh. Not ever. Yes, it might take an emotional response on the part of someone to see the brutal truth, but that response can be reached without abusive language. It may take a while, but you can get there.
People in the hospital with a serious illness.. say, cancer, need to be told the truth. What they don't need is to be told that they are a freaking idiot for having smoked all those years. Sometimes teeth are rotten and need to be pulled, but a skilled dentist will perform the treatment with minimal (no) pain to the patient. It's done all the time.
Telling someone the truth – even being brutally honest – is not the same as being brutal.
Hello Ravyn,
A good topic. An Arab proverb says that ‘cleverness is good, but kindness is better’ and I very much would agree with that, though it is not always possible to abide by such lofty values on Internet discussion Boards. In fact if we try to, we will inevitably find ourselves regularly questioning this personal philosophy.
The problem with these illustrations, cancer, dentists etc, is that they are being applied to face-to-face situations and not to discussion Boards, which whether we like it or not, seem to function on completely different set of ethics.
Discussion Boards are not terribly honest places in that anybody can become anything, and subsequently mice become lions. It is often only over a long period of time that one can begin to assess a persons real nature and this demands that a different set of social values be adhered to that might seem outrageous in real-life, and let us not forget these boards are not real-life, though they mimic it in many ways.
AlanF for example, can be rather cutting at times when dealing with subjects that he is passionate about, but I can assure you that in ‘real-life’ he is as gentle and kind a person as you would ever meet and has worked behind the scenes helping people both deal with their WTS experiences both emotionally and financially for many years, out of sight of his critics.
I think that more than evaluating the importance of kindness in honesty, we might think about whether we can adapt ourselves to suit the environment of a discussion board, or whether we are better of turning off the computer and seeking new pastures.
I wrestle with this one regularly.
HS
