Thoughts during the meeting today

by stephanie61092 21 Replies latest jw experiences

  • stephanie61092

    While I'm politely sitting during the meeting today, restraining myself from rolling my eyes as the brother drones on about how "having an independent spirit is devilish in nature" and "independence from Gods organization only results in pain and strife", I only have one thought going through my mind over and over. "What would happen if I pulled out a gun and blew my brains out in this Kingdom Hall?"

    Would anyone notice or care? Would anyone think that being ostracized by everyone I know have something to do with it? Or would everyone default to 'the world' ruining me? Would any of my family wonder if the truth is really the truth?

    I apologize for being so morbid, I just needed to get it off my chest.

  • cofty

    They would probably worry about who is on hall cleaning this week.

    Are you ok Steph?

    If its more than a passing thought you need to talk to somebody who can help.

    Don't become another victim of the cult.

    Your first post on the forum was outstanding. Its good to see you back. You said you had a therapist, how is that going? Wishing you well.

  • Sabin

    Independence from gods org only leads to pain & strife.

    Being part of god's org makes you want to take your life.

    The choice is yours.

  • David Graham
    David Graham
    They would all be collectively thinking, your never going to be resurrected. You took your own life, therefore you hate Jehovah's precious gift of life!
  • jwfacts
    Or would everyone default to 'the world' ruining me?

    Correct answer.

  • Divergent


    They would probably worry about who is on hall cleaning this week.

    Best comment so far! LOL. Sorry, can't help laughing...

  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim

    **Or would everyone default to 'the world' ruining me?**

    Good question. Probably so.

  • brandnew

    Sitting at the back of the hall watching peoples frowning faces, makes you wonder if they really actually love you.

    Conditional not love. Stephanie, dont let the cult get you down. From the back seats you can actually make funny faces, and f&@$# up the speakers train of thought๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚. Take a tablet , and visit us here during meetings.

    Mad Puppy

  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim

    ** From the back seats you can actually make funny faces, and f&@$# up the speakers train of thought๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚**

    I did that a couple times. Albeit, it wasn't intensional. I was just deep in thought about something. I caught myself staring blankly at the speaker, our eyes met. Atcually our eyes stuck on each other. The look on his face was off the chart perplexed, must have been at least a 30 second stare at each other. It was just priceless!!!!

  • StephaneLaliberte

    At one meeting, I saw an elder talk with anger to a disfellowshiped one who was there too early (10 minutes ahead of the program). This was so far out of the prodigal son story that I kept this story as one of the reasons for which I have left.

    People care.

    That being said, most are in denial. So, if you were to kill yourself there, they'd blame Satan and your mental state. Not themselves. Obviously, Jehovah's spirit would have protected you if you only had accepted it.

    So, best way to make a difference? Show up politely, sitting at your place, 20 minutes ahead of the program, every time. People around you will be even more embarrassed by their own stupid rule than you could ever be.

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