Thoughts during the meeting today

by stephanie61092 21 Replies latest jw experiences

  • LisaRose

    I am sure it must painful sitting there as an outcast, and of course that is the point. They want it to hurt, they want to break you so that you bend to their will and never have an independent thought ever again, that's how cults work. it's how they maintain control, not just of you but of the others as well. If you can make people be deliberately cruel to another person you have made them more likely to stay in the cult, as people will then have to justify their cruel behavior to themselves, they Then must believe there was a good reason.

    I am sure the others would be shocked and saddened if you did something like that, but they would find a way to justify the cruelty in their mind, they would have to in order to live with themselves. Cognitive dissonance would not allow them to see their culpability.

    I know it was just a passing thought, but I can't help but be concerned for you well being. I hope you have a support system of people that can help you get through this. While shunning is considered normal in the JW world, it's not normal behavior, it's one of the most hurtful things you can do to a person. Perhaps there is a support group you can join? You shouldn't have to go through this alone. I also highly recommend meditation. it's something you can do while sitting at the Kingdom Hall and could help you get through the next few months (you do not have to close your eyes to meditate, so no one would know).

    I am always available via PM if you need to vent.

  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim
    Cults have a way to inflict pain, to make you bend to their will. Totally correct observation!!
  • PaintedToeNail

    I don't know if they would stop the meeting should you pull a gun and blow your brains out. They didn't stop the meeting at our hall when a motorcyclist was hurled up into the yard after a crash. He was unconscious and the EMTs had to call for a helicopter to transport him to the hospital.

    They didn't stop the meeting when an old man had a seizure and tipped over in his chair.

    They didn't stop the meeting when an old sister collapsed in agony. They only asked the ambulance people to take her into the foyer so as not to disrupt the meeting.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    You know, of course that they'd notice and that they'd care in their own way but they'd also be saying "How very sad...just goes to show how much pain and strife these stubborn independent thinkers endure, just like they said in the Watchtower today (sigh) "

    If you think they'd implicate their own actions in any of the suffering you are enduring, you'd be wrong. To them, this was all brought upon yourself. Having your nose rubbed in it today is part of Jehovah's loving provision.

  • User99
    That reminds me... About 30 years ago, an elder on the platform was taken to the side and whispered that his house was on fire. He announced this into the microphone and then said that he would continue with his meeting part, since emergency crews would have the situation in hand. I was in my teens then, but I was shocked!
  • JWdaughter
    Stephaniel, is it worth what you are paying for the privilege of being reinstated? Please find a person to talk to IRL. We aren't there, but we do care. Who give a flying toenail what those dipwads think?
  • Anon2
    "What would happen? Many people would be very, very sad. Every single person who has posted here would see it in the newspaper and think, "I should have said, I shouldn't have said, wish I'd have thought to, wish I'd have thought not to, if only I could have done this, I should have done that....," on and on. Endlessly. I don't know you but got tears in my eyes reading your post.

    Yes many would notice and care. Blood spatters from shooting victims. It can travel a way. Might get on someone. Yes, they'd care. (sorry, bad attempt at humor)

    Blame and denial are common in any death. It's doubtful anyone would think that being ostracized had anything to do with it. Anyone but themselves and their policies will be blamed and any responsibility will be denied by anyone and everyone. Us? We could have contributed to this? Nope.

    My guess is that anyone but themselves and their policies ruined you. You could be deemed "mentally diseased" fault of theirs and nothing to do with their cruel practices. A life well lived will affect them more than anything you could do....and it's the best revenge.

    Best guess about your family seeing it's not the truth, without knowing your family, is they would think that "if only" you'd have "returned to Jehovah" it wouldn't have happened. When someone accepts the "truth" about anything, it has to be in their time and on their terms.

    My hope is that you see the truth in how many people care about you. Things will get better. It's been my experience that you don't want a long term solution to a short term problem. Sending you a virtual hug and hoping we'll all be here to see when that cruel psycho Corporation collapses on itself.
  • Fernando

    Dear Stephanie

    Awakening to TATT is painful.

    Getting through the initial turbulence as intact as possible is crucial - a good (talking) therapist is invaluable.

    There are a number of phases in this process.

    For example grief and anger.

    I pray you make it to the revenge phase with all guns blazing so to speak.

    The best revenge on a miserable controlling cult is to live a full, successful, happy and moral life without any of their "help".

    You can and will eventually get to this exciting and fun phase.

    Your life will be better than you could ever have imagined.

    You are free after all.

    The possibilities are awesome.

    Best wishes on the journey to a great future.


    PS - Oh and you no longer have to depend on a rabid cult for a cultist as a life partner...

  • Half banana
    Half banana

    Stephanie 6, there is nothing worthwhile which the JW org offers. It only uses delusion and deception to keep the members staying and paying for their pathetic cult. So please don't turn and harm yourself because of their stupidity---you are more valuable than their promises.

    I presume you have social reasons for wanting to stay but I suggest you find good like-minded friends outside of that uncaring organisation, people who will accept you for yourself not for what you believe.

    Having said that the org uses the loyalty of family and friends as a lure and a threat; this makes it so difficult for the departing JW.

    You have no reason to be polite to such a heartless bunch of zombies...enjoy your right to a fulfilling life without them.

  • ttdtt
    When I go all my eyes get a workout too. Its all I can do to keep from laughing or screaming.

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