Thank you again for everyone's comments. I actually got a good nights sleep last night. It is early in my therapy, so it has not helped me - yet - feel better. However, getting everyone's perspective has been like a much needed support group.
LoisLane mentioned that my daughter is being cruel. My mother, sister and friends would agree. At first I tried to figure out why (detested her life or hormonal love or loss of father or whatever). I've accepted that the what doesn't matter so much now because I can't fix the situation - just drop the rope.
I have talked with her friends, teachers, etc and all have said the same thing - that she was sweet, well-mannered, quiet, loved fashion, typical teenage girl stuff and everyone is shocked by her actions because it is out of character. However, I know she is headstrong. We butted heads many times because I did not let her do everything she wanted to do - most of it was about going to expensive concerts, buying makeup, eating out, lavish birthday parties, etc... None of us will ever have the same relationship we did with her, but I was expecting these relationships to change as she matured - I just didn't expect it change in literally minutes.
I'm sure she does feel like she has the upper hand because she knows I'm hurting. I have told her that I love her and accepted her decision to leave. I don't approve. So, I'm working on dropping the rope.
Regarding her graduation, I can't attend. Her brother and she were suppose to graduate together in June. I planned and paid for a surprise trip to the United Kingdom to visit with their grandmother, aunt and cousins and to spread their father's ashes in Wales where he grew up and played cricket. I can't cancel the airline tickets, AirBNB, etc. We will be in Wales while she is graduating in California with her boyfriend's two cousins. When I told her about the trip, she accused me of trying to bribe her to come home. I was simply telling her why I could not be at her graduation.
Even if I could afford to cancel the trip, I would not because I have to think about my son who is graduating. It would not be fair to him.
Regarding forgiveness, I forgave her the day she walked out - that doesn't mean that I approved. Since she left, I've uncovered so much information that caused me great concern. Again, I keep telling myself within the 24 hours - drop the rope.
Yes, adopted kids have to deal with loss at an early age - the loss of biological parents. We were in support groups with other adopted kids for years so that our kids were know that they were not alone. And, it was obvious they were adopted (my Welsh husband had red hair and beard, I'm Southern, two Asian children and one Pacific Island child - we stood out wherever we went.) And, yes there could mental illness in her family. With adoptions from China, you have no family background, so that is a really possibility - another reason why I was hoping she would attend the session with the psychologist this week.
While I'm far from being at peace, I feel so much better reading everyone's thoughts, concerns and advice. Thank you for being here for someone you don't know. Please pray for her safety and that her eyes will be open to the truth.
