I owe everyone an apology. I apologize for the deception. I'm not JW. I don't know who to trust and I am terrified. I'm actually the mother of the girl who ran away - not the cousin of the boyfriend.
My daughter ran away with her boyfriend from the East coast to the West to move in with his mom, her husband, younger child, the grandparents, an aunt and four cousins. (twelve people living in the house) My daughter would've graduated in May, was accepted to several colleges, and her college was paid. She and the boyfriend told his family that she was a slave in our home, that I was a drunk, and that she had to get away. None of it is true. She didn't like my rules - do chores, get good grades, etc. and I know believe he convinced her that she had a miserable life. (EX: When I did not buy her a $300 pocketbook, he bought it for her.)
They left almost exactly a year to the date that my husband - her father - died. She woke me up on a school morning and announced that she was leaving right then. No opportunity for discussion, etc. She left her two brothers, who are both in high school, and grandmother. We've always been a very close family. We stayed in touch - some of the conversations were rocky. Last week we finally had a conversation that was like the daughter I knew. We talked an hour. Later, she FaceTimed her brothers and grandmother. It was normal, except she is thousands of miles away. Now, all of our calls, text messages, etc. have been blocked. She deleted her Facebook account and blocked us from her social media.
Now that she has totally blocked us, I'm concerned that she has entered an abusive situation. The boyfriend was shunned for beating up someone at the temple. (He has also beat up his stepfather and another person.) He owns five guns which he hides at his uncle's house so him mom and grandmother will not know. I'm concerned he is mentally and emotionally abusive (even though it is very subtle). He pushed for a quick commitment. He is excessively jealous, which I discussed with my daughter numerous times. (As soon as they got to CA, he bought her a new phone and set up the VM to go to his phone. She thinks she doesn't have VM, but she does because you can leave a message.) He is controlling - she is totally dependent on him. She has no money, no identification, etc. She only spends time with his family and him. And, he has isolated her from family and friends. I know that his mother is a strong JW, even though - according to him - she was shunned for have premarital sex with her current husband. When I reached out to her as they were driving across the country, she told me that she would not let them live together under her roof and that she would call me when they arrived so I would not worry.
She didn't call and they are living in her house. The sunroom/den is their bedroom. The mom is getting permits and paying to convert the garage into an apartment for them. This week I reached out to the mom and told her about not being able to reach my daughter - who lives with her. All I get is that she will try her best to get her to contact us. If she truly cared, she would do more. She said her son was a jewel and any girl that got him would be lucky. Also, they were adults and to be patient because my daughter would not forget us.
Easy for her to say. She is not living through this emotional hell. Also, she now has some additional free help in the home.
My daughter - who was complaining about chores at home - is now washing dishes by hand, grocery shopping, cooking, doing laundry and looking after the three year old brother of her boyfriend. I don't know if she will finish high school - she said she will graduate in CA in June - but I don't know if that is true. She is TOTALLY dependent on her boyfriend and family for EVERYTHING - from money to transportation. But that is okay because she is "in love" and has told us not to say anything bad about her boyfriend and family. (Yet, it is okay for him - and her - to trash her family.)
My fear is "What will happen when she realizes she made a mistake and wants to home?". He is so jealous and his mom just wants him to have whatever makes him happy. If my daughter wants to leave, I'm afraid he will hurt her. He owns five guns. I can see him killing her and then himself. Would the church elders be upset if they knew that the mom, grandmother, and aunt are condoning these two living together in the house? Would the JW ignore me since I'm not JW and since the boyfriend's family believe we are monsters? Any guidance/advise regarding how the JW works would be great. How can I make sure my daughter is safe? (What I really want is for the JW mom/grandmother to tell my daughter that she is not welcomed and to go home.)
Again, please forgive me for my earlier deception. I just didn't know what kind of response I would get.