I'm getting disfellowshipped

by Letty 45 Replies latest jw experiences

  • moreconfusedthanever

    Why would your parents tell the elders? In the first instance as your parents, they are the ones who should be talking to you and giving you guidance. They are parents!

    On what basis would you be disfellowshiped? So your parents saw some messages. Delete them. Tell them you had a moment of weakness and be more careful in future.

    Since you say your boyfriend is in India, I assume you are not. It would be a stretch to disfellowship you on immorality grounds in that case.

    Take a deep breath and play it smart. You now know who you can and cannot trust.

  • Anony Mous
    Anony Mous

    a) Arrange your affairs so you have places to go and a way to communicate. Any work friends? Any non-JW family? Woman shelter? How about your significant other or his/her family?

    b) Seek help from your physician or other non-JW medical contacts. Especially seek out free or low cost physical and mental aid (doctors, clinics, ...).

    c) Get to know your environment, if you are forced out on the streets in a matter of hours, any good places you can shelter or find free/low cost food and clean water. You've been a pioneer, so you probably have some of those already. Alternatively, seek legal help, your parents can't actually force you out in most Western countries although that is more legal than practical.

    d) Use the time you have left doing the above. Don't waste time trying to convince your parents or your elders, even if it works now, sooner or later you'll end up in this situation again.

    I've lived it twice, sleeping in dingy bars and train stations, I made the mistake of going back to the JW when I was 18 and again at 24, only to exit a few years later. I'm sorry to hear you have to go through it. You will lose your physical and financial benefits but trust me, "out there" you can make it back several times over.

  • JustHuman14

    If only I could turn back time and left that stupid cult when I was 19. I left when I was 33, it cost me to loose my family. There is no unconditional love in there. Your family, relatives, friends, they will love you as long as you follow WT. Just go and never look back. You are young, you have a life in front of you. Live every moment. Take my advice from someone who could be your father and has suffered pain and wounds that never have been healed due to WT's policies

  • jws

    When I went to a committee, I read up all about it and saw that I needed to be repentant. I needed to be sorry for everything I did.

    There are online WT libraries and people can help you get a hold of the elder books. Look up exactly what you did and legally what they can get you on. And look up what they're looking for. This can result in disfellowshipping, reproof (public or private), or a warning. Breath, and do some research and find out exactly how what you did is viewed and what the elders are looking for in that circumstance to disfellowship you - or to not disfellowship you. From what I recall, it was being very sorry for what I'd done.

    I hate to see you going through this. And all-of-a-sudden too. Your mind is totally on this, and you're thinking of options, but there's never time to think of everything in a panic.

    Leaving the JWs or eventually being forced out may or may not happen. But buy yourself some time to think and plan and do it right.

    My suggestion is to do and say what you need to so that you avoid disfellowshipping. That gives you breathing room to plan. Talk to your aunt and see if she's an option - or others. Plan a move out of your parent's house. Something you can do on your own, not where you're not being pushed out. Even if you're continuing as a JW, develop an independent life where you're not dependent on Witnesses emotionally or financially. Then, if they disfellowship you, you won't be damaged as badly.

    When I finally left the JWs, I was never disfellowshipped or reproved. I may not have a good reputation for leaving (and probably not the best before that), but the JWs can still talk to me. That is what I'd like to see happen for you. That the door is still open for your family and friends to at least keep that connection, even if it can't be as close as it once was.

    And when I left, I had been building up worldly friendships for years. At school. At work. So when it came time to leave, I wasn't jumping off a cliff into the unknown. I had a group of people and when I left and lost the JW people in my life, it wasn't devastating. I had better friends who didn't judge every action.

    IMO, it's best to keep what you have now and then use your time to plan for the worst later.

    About your case, you can ask others, but are you engaged? That might have a bearing. Of course when it's with a worldly person, it's frowned on. And may I say, IMO, 19 is WAY too young to be getting married. You've never been on your own. People don't know what arc their lives will take. You and your boyfriend may seem great right now. And the promise of sex and the instincts that pull you together often blind you to negatives. But, if you were to get married, 5 years from now after the first thrill of sex is over, you could be married to a guy who drives you nuts. For little things. Like does he put the seat down? How uptight is he about the house being super-clean (or the opposite super messy)? Does he shave and leave the sink full of whiskers? When he's not all enamored with you because he wants sex, how does he treat you? How does he feel about your career? Going to college? Working? If you have kids, does he expect you to quit your job? How often is he going to want to leave you to go out with his friends 5 years from now?

    That's why I believe in having safe sex if you have that strong urge and desire. Get that out of the way and take the time to really get to know the guy without the sex blinding you. And wait until you know more about yourself and the direction you want to take before entangling yourself with somebody else before you know what path they're on.

  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim

    Dear Letty:

    You're getting disfellowshipped at age 19. All I can say is Congratulations!!! At this age, take it as your ticket to freedom.

    You're just coming out of your teen yours. You will have your entire adult life to as you do. Many of us weren't that fortunate to be ''released'' at such a young age as yourself. To find out later in life that ''it'' was all a '''lie''.

    God bless you. Good luck. And say 2-5 years, not even that you will realize getting df'd was the best thing that ever happened to you at age 19.

    Branch out, join a gym, meet new friends at work or wherever. Life will be just fine, in the near future for you, Good luck!!

  • JaniceA

    Letty , have you ever seen your boyfriend from India? In person?

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