I'm getting disfellowshipped

by Letty 45 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Phoebe


    I know it seems like a dark place at the moment and you are scared.

    But this might just end up being the best thing that has ever happened to you. You have your whole life ahead of you. So much to look forward to. You WILL be okay. Please take it from someone who has had their life ruined by the WT. Get out while you can. Go and enjoy your life.

    As one exJW said said: 'they can disfellowship me from the WT but they can't disfellowship me from God'

    If you believe in God, he will still be there.

  • sillygirlforgotpassword

    Hi Letty

    i was in a very similar situation to you - caught having a “double life” when I was nearly pioneering. The fall from grace was humiliating but the family’s treatment was the most painful thing I had to endure. Each day was torture. I was shunned in my own house and went through so much so much guilt and anxiety it affected my health negatively. I started to have insomnia, I had insane amounts of hairfall and I was just a bad mess.

    I still believed in “the truth” for a few years following that and Convinced my bf to study the Bible. He was/is a wonderful person and did it for me even if some of it was senseless. He was love bombed though and saw how i needed at that time to have Jws around me. The turning point in my life was when I left home, and left the country. For the the first time I started to see holes in the teachings. Those next few years were

  • DesirousOfChange

    I'm trying to be optimistic.but I'm in such a dark place. I used to be able to imagine my future but I literally can't see my future right now. I feel nothing. Where is god.

    Those emotions result just from learning TTATT, even without the threat of DFing. Suddenly, all of your deep down beliefs about the future are . . . . GONE. How could it all have been a lie?

  • sillygirlforgotpassword

    Sorry that post went through before I was done.

    But what I want to say is get out of the toxic environment if u can. It’s not worth it to stay in that. If u are also Indian then like me you will have the double trouble of JW teachings plus Indian conservatism. That’s a lot of judgementality (is that a word?) in one place.

    Fear of Other people Constantly judging me modified my behavior to make act in ways that i now regret. I didn’t even know who I was as a person till my late twenties.

    My heart goes out to you.

    This boyfriend that you have may or may not be the one you spend your life with. But your parents are for life. The bf revelation ruined my relationship with my family for years following that. My dad still occasionally treats me as an outcast and “regales” about the time I brought a “bad name” on the family. Get away from that. Distance really does help

    i don’t believe you will be disfellowshipped - this may be dependent on how conservative your elders are. Whatever the case, leave Home and take som time away from a toxic environment. I wish I did it earlier myself.

    keep us posted about how things turn out for you x

  • Incognito

    You seemed to have jumped to the worst case scenario. You haven't yet discussed the situation with anyone but are already stating you are being disfellowshipped. From what you described, it doesn't sound as though you have actually done anything physical to be DF'd for.

    Consider the JW 2 witness rule and use it to your advantage

    Explicit photos and text will work as proof (a witness) against you to support any potential action they might consider. Delete the texts, emails and whatever you are keeping to eliminate this witness and therefore weaken any allegations against you. While your parents may have seen the texts, you are an adult and any meeting with Elders will be you alone without your parents. Deny, Deny, Deny. Your word against theirs especially if they have no proof to present.

    Your opening post said "But I've hid the secret of a boyfriend I had from india."

    You said "I had" which is a past tense statement. Continue using past tense when questioned.

  • Giordano
    Hi everyone I'm 19 year old and I've been a jehovahs witness for 3 years now. I've followed the rules and I'm even a pioneer. But I've hid the secret of a boyfriend I had from india. My parents found out, as well as found some explicit messages and they are going to tell the elders.

    A little clarification would be helpful. You mentioned three years as a JW were you a born-in or are you referencing being baptized?

    Based on their over reaction and wanting to tell the Elders....... were they born in or converted? Is your father an Elder....... a lot of Elders want to keep their position and are more then willing to throw their child under the bus.

    As a 19 year old why are your parents so reactionary? Your a young adult. I know it's tied up in the rules and obedience that JW's are subjected to. But how did they come to find these things on your phone or computer?

    I also understand that parents have house rules while you are under their roof. But you also have a right to have some things kept private.

    What do they expect to achieve by turning you in?

    If I understand it, this was pretty much an on line exploration. And that you were not having sexual contact with you boyfriend.

    I also agree that you should destroy any emails and or provocative images.They were meant for your boyfriend and you to share not your parents and certainly not any Elders.

    The fact that they are anxious to turn you in is mystifying. Perhaps you need to move out to your Aunt's home to demonstrate that you will not be treated like a child. If they don't have the images and text you can claim they over reacted to something on a more innocent level.

    The Elders have more petty rules to enforce then your simple mistake which really is that you didn't delete anything you wouldn't want your parents to see.

    No matter how it turns out you will be seeing your parents and the JW religion in a different light. Conditional love and unspecified rules, that are not shared with the flock, cause a lot of innocent contact to be elevated to a major crime against Jah. Which is just nonsense.

  • nugget

    JWs are trained to over react they always blame the perceived sinner. In a reasonable life what you do with your boyfriend is strictly your business and no one elses. Don't let them make you feel unworthy or shameful. Actually you don't deserve this treatment and their hysteria is a shameful display as it relates totally to how your behaviour reflects on them, What about your right as an adult to privacy?. What about the trauma they are putting you through?

    I am so sorry that this has happened how you approach it is still in your control and others have made suggestions. But remember outside JWs there is a different perspective and you do not need to be defined by them.

  • FedUpJW

    I'm not sure crying helps all the time, but prob can't hurt to try it.

    Many years ago a woman (also who regular pioneered) got involved in an adulterous affair. The P.O. of her congregation said, "It is of great concern to ME that you do not cry." She relied, "I am cried out because of my sin. "He said, "THAT is no excuse!" She was DF'D. Those "men" get off on the ability to make women cry. It sucks but that is the truth of the matter.

  • mikeypants


  • smiddy3

    I feel for you letty I just hope you take notice of the advice you receive from this forum and act on it

    take care .

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