Should I send wedding pics or no?

by Billygoat 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • Sunspot

    Then someone else posted about how they didn't know when their daughter got married. (Can't remember who...) It got me thinking..."

    Hi Andi,

    That would be me.....Annie, with the daughter who got married and didn't bother to tell US, her thing I didn't mention was, that as hurt and as pissed as I was, I went to a gift shop and bought a pair of beautiful crystal doves and a very carefully chosen theocratically-correct card (no "good luck" to the bride and groom) and had them sent to her (them). I signed the card with something like "wishing you a very happy and full life together", and signed it "with love always, Mom and Dad"

    Talk about the "olive branch" approach, AND I was carefully avoiding the brutal fact that we had not been invited to the special event, but pretending NOT to notice their "oversight" (cruelty) in sending us an invitation.

    WEEKS later, I get a card, saying "thank you for your gift, we will enjoy it" generic it stunk, and not a peep on how pretty the birds would look on their mantle, nothing to personalize it at ALL, burned me up even MORE than I was already!

    Can you guess what MY advice is? lol! Don't send them ANYTHING!!!! It probably wouldn't be appreciated anyway, and I wouldn't bother. The way they acted--they don't deserve it!

    MY thoughts on this.



  • greven

    I personally would send those pics by mail with a friendly note saying something like:

    Here are the pics you asked for. The wedding itself was very cool yadda yadda. You should have been there as family. I also wonder why a person would want pictures of a wedding they deemed too unchristian to attend in person. You could have been there!


  • berylblue

    Please send them. As a mother myself, I realize she is deeply torn between loyalty to the WTS and love for you.

    You will be setting a true example of forgiveness and love. It may open the door to something; whether it is further hurt or unconditional love, only time will tell.


  • Country_Woman

    Andi / Billygoat,

    There is just not one right answer: you are mixed-up with a lot of emotions.
    Your pride is demanding you not sending these pictures, and just the opposite when hoping for a better relationship.

    I think that you have to send these pictures, can't hurt you (more then you are already) and maybe it keeps the door open for a change in your relations.

    I've seen in my family how it hurts when mother-daughters don't see each other due to stubbornness. (from mother's side) My sister-in-law has been trying several times over the past 15 years to re-establish the relation with her mother, it is causing her a lot of pain - and she is still hoping that her mother will be her mother once again.
    None of them (except me technically) or any member of her family are JW's.
    Stubbornness and hope to reverse are just human I ‘m afraid.
    Wish you and your husband lots of happiness

    Country Woman

  • ashitaka

    After my wife and I eloped we showed her parents the pictures. We heard later that both of them cried like babies when they realised they pushed us so far away from them, that they had made us despise them so, that we did not invite them to their only daughter's wedding.

    We made copies and gave them some pictures. Hopefully it will be a reminder of their mistakes, that they can one day correct.


  • caligirl

    My circumstance may be slightly different, as I encouraged my parents not to come. As soon as I heard the hem and haw over the assembly vs. my wedding and the " if it were any other weekend" lament , I decided, possibly selfishly, that I would rather have them not there, than be there and feel guilty that they were not at the assembly. (On the flip side, I knew that they would get not a damn thing out of the assembly that day because they would be thinking only of my wedding and how they chose to go to the assembly instead!) If they were going to come, I wanted it to be because they wouldn't dream of being anywhere else on that day. Though it would have meant a lot to me to have them there, I did not want them there reluctantly or there if they were feeling guilty for choosing me over the assembly. I told them not to worry about it, and did my best to ease their conscience about the choice they made, despite the hurt I felt. Also, they had plans for the assembly before knowing about my wedding, since I sprung the "I'm getting married" thing on them only about 2 months in advance. But I did send and share pictures. (Important difference too is that my parents visit several times a year and have never shunned me or my siblings for leaving.)

    The stubborn side of me would say that if my parents essentially shunned contact with me and requested a picture after refusing to come just because of who I was marrying, I would probably tell them that copies were waiting for them should they ever choose to stop shunning me and treat me like their daughter by spending time with me, otherwise they had their chance to attend in person and get their own picture and blew it.

    However, that being said, sending them pictures so that they can have a constant reminder of the stupid choice they made certainly has merit as well!

  • toddy

    Hi Billy

    I would send the pictures and write on the back of the photos what a wonderful day it was and how blissfully happy and content you are with life.

  • PurpleV

    Invite them over to look at the whole wedding album over coffee.

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