Should I send wedding pics or no? (page 2)

Joyzabel

Sorry Billigoat, but you may not like what I'm going to say.

But how typical of JWs!! How much did they contribute to your wedding? How much effort did they put in for your special day and now they want you to send them pics? <underbreath> Cheapskapes <mumble, mumble>

Anyway, I know you are a loving person and any where you can show love to your family, you do. So the decision is yours. I'll support you in whatever decision you make.

j2bf of the "I didn't get any wedding pics as the adopted mom!" class

Reborn2002

Hell NO you SHOULD NOT give them pictures!

As previously stated in some excellent posts above, if you give in and try to "extend the olive branch" you are condoning their obnoxious behavior and giving them their way. Then they can rationalize their behavior as acceptable and feel that they got pictures and what they wanted anyway. Mercy for Jehovah's Witnesses? NEVER in my book. They are callous and rude enough to send you a response declining your invitation? I am perplexed that you are even contemplating giving in and sending a picture to these kind of people. Then again that is only because you are kind and decent, and these Jehovah's Witnesses you are contending with are not.

Please, DO NOT send the pictures. It is your choice, but they do not deserve that honor.

Billygoat

Thanks you guys for giving your feedback. I do appreciate it! I struggled with this today because most of you know that I hate fighting. I don't mind confrontation as long as it's productive. But holding grudges and petty bickering just eats my soul more than the pride is worth. I can hold onto being proud after awhile, but eventually it gets tiring. I don't know if I'm having a weak moment or what, but today I've just felt tired of holding my walls up against them. Maybe if I did let go and sent pictures, they'd stop treating me the way they do. They'd see how happy Mozzer and I are and begin to soften. Maybe if I did let go I'd open myself up to more criticism. ("You wore a white gown? This is your second marriage...why would you do that?, etc, etc.) *sigh*

I've thought to myself that whatever answers I get the most of (yay or nay answers) I'll do. But this particular comment struck a chord with me:

Why would a person want pictures of a wedding they deemed too unchristian to attend in person?

I've never looked at it quite like that Jerry. And I know if I ever have the courage to say it to her, it would stop her dead in her tracks. I would anticipate a dead silence on the phone.

God Andi, I don't know how you have become such a nice person with family like that.
If that were my family, I would have told them to sit and spin.

((((Riz)))) Loved the sit and spin comment! I remember that. Their behavior is a great example really. I think I look at them and see how I should NOT behave. There is a lot of embarrassment and shame that I struggle with though. Y'all are the only ones I know that fully understand how embarrassing it is to have family that acts like this. My husband doesn't get it. My in-laws don't get it. My friends from church don't get it. (Victims of those truly loving and kind families that resolve conflicts with gentle words and hugs. What's wrong with these people???) Only y'all know how hard it is to explain to someone how you don't see your family but once every so many years. That they'd rather have it that way too.

*shaking head* I look at them and SWEAR to myself that I will NEVER treat others the way they treat me. And should I ever do that then someone please shoot me!!!

Okay...now I'm getting pissed again.

Big Tex

This is a tough one. I tend to lean more on the side of not sending them. I think of my family and the last time I was at a Kingdom Hall was 3 (4?) years ago for Memorial. My best friend was giving the talk, and my father attends the same congregation. He had never seen my children and had never called us once since they were born. Naturally my son had to go to the bathroom during the middle of the talk so I trotted him back. Guess who was parked 6 inches outside the bathroom door when we came out? Yep, just so he could get a good look at his grandson. He made a point of turning his back on us and I escorted my son back to his seat. Fortunately he didn't notice anything.

So I guess with this background, my concern would be what they would do with the photos. What might be an attempt on your part to offer an olive branch, could be turned against you in an attempt to hurt you. I would hate to see that. You two looked so happy in the photo I saw. I would not want to see someone attack that.

Just my opinion.

JeffT

Tough call. I have the advantage of not having to deal with it, if I never again in my life speak to a JW I won't have missed anything. We only have one family member in, and have found new friends. And if a dub tried to do something to hurt me or my family, I'd make them crawl under a rock and what for the big A.

Having said all that I'd say send the picture, although a note along with it asking Megadude's question might shake them up some. Also, if you send the picture and they do something somehow to hurt you, you're the one that took they high road, they will have taken the low road. At the end of the day you're the one that has to live with what you do, and what ever fallout it produces.

Lady Lee

Andi My mom didn't come to my daughter's wedding 3 years ago because I was going to be there. I am soooooooo ticked off over that. She didn't get an invitation to my wedding 2 years ago. And she has NO pictures of either. And my oldest daughter is getting remarried next year and my mother is NOT invited.

Personally if I ever speak to her again I just know I will have to tell her how hurt I was that she didn't come to my daughter's wedding. She will have to listen to me explain that her so-called Christian behavior has driven me even further away from the religion she so wants us to go back to. (not that any of us would)

I know that I could not share any of the important things in my life with her until she understands this and stops her hurtful behavior. I also learned a long time ago peace-offerings mean nothing to JWs My mother's memory is as short as her mood swings

I think each one of us has to decide when enough is enough. I have drawn my line - no more hurt from her.

That being said my mother was never really that great of a mother to begin with

Do what your gut says - not your heart (which justs wants mommy to love her) not your head (that wants to be the bigger person) but your gut that wants the very best for YOU

SixofNine

But holding grudges and petty bickering just eats my soul more than the pride is worth.

But this isn't about any of that, not really. It's about justice. Oh, there may be a tad bit of pride in it from your angle, how could there not be? But none of the people who have spoken up in this thread have their pride at stake, no, it is our sense of justice that is outraged. It's outrageous for your stepmom to ask for a share in your life, while simutaneously witholding love from you. The scales aren't balanced, and they will only be further out of balance by playing along, imo.

Btw, I'm not ascribing evil intent to your mom. She's just doing what most anyone would do in this crappy situation, hoping no one will notice and shift the blame, while keeping an air of "see-I'm-not-a-bad-person just because God wants me to shun you".

JT

I read thru all these post and all i can say is this is why i just love the NET "Thang"

the advice is so good as it has given both the pros and cons which is what a person needs when making a decision on a matter

billygoat you have indeed got food for thought

whatever choice you make , just make sure you are able to do it with a clean conscience and peace of mind

james

COMF

"As far as it depends upon you, be peacable with all people."

Thirdson

Hi Andi,

I faced a similar question when I got married and my parents declined to come. Originally, I thought of making up an album for them but when we got the proofs and worked out what we wanted and what S's parents would like we struggled to make up a selection that would be appropriate for my no-show parents. Of those attending the wedding my parents would recognize my son, my bride who they met once 15 months before the wedding and my best man who they met briefly 2 years prior. There were some really nice scenes with the cathedral in the background but I hardly thought my JW parents would be happy displaying those pictures.

What I did in the end was send my parents a link to a website that had several wedding pictures. 3 months after the wedding I visited my parents and showed them some pictures from the reception (held on a boat on a local lake) and some pictures from the honeymoon on Vancouver Island B.C.

I was quite prepared to pay all the travel expenses for my parents if they used money as an excuse. After their lame excuse for not attending and purposely going on vacation the week I got married I didn't feel I had any obligation to provide an expensive photographic record of my wedding.

Regards,

Thirdson

Should I send wedding pics or no?

Share this