Should I send wedding pics or no?
I've been thinking about Esmerelda's post about her daughter being the flower girl of a JWs wedding and not knowing about it. Then someone else posted about how they didn't know when their daughter got married. (Can't remember who...) It got me thinking...
Last October when Mozzer and I got married, I sent my parents (devout JWs) a wedding invitation. I KNEW they wouldn't come (they said so in an email when we got engaged), but I wanted them to have the invitation as a momento. (I don't know about anyone else, but I keep that type of thing.) I actually laughed out loud when my step-mother sent me the RSVP card that said "4 - declined". Uh...yeah...I know. *shaking head*
So Mozzer and I got married and had a fantastical day! But the next couple times my step-mom and I were in touch (via email AND phone) she fussed at me for NOT sending her a wedding picture. I always gave a lame excuse for not doing it. But my thought up until today was, "No. You had the chance to be there. You decided to NOT come. If you want the honor of getting a picture, you can't have it. You missed your opportunity." I've been feeling very stubborn about it. (I'm Billygoat for a reason. )
Anyways, now I'm wondering if I should send her a picture or two. Perhaps it really does hurt them that I haven't sent them anything. If I do it, am I opening the door to further criticism or abuse? Or should I swallow my pride and just send the stupid pictures? Should I extend the olive branch?
Show your step-mom you're a better person than she is. Send them!
I'm wondering why she wants pictures in the first place??
She could have attended, as you say, and experienced the real thing. Is she planning on framing the pictures and putting them in a spot where guests can admire them? I doubt it.
Is she the kind of woman who would try to turn this into some way of hurting you?? You extend the olive branch by sending the pictures, and then later, via the grapevine, learn that she is saying how hurt she is that YOU excluded HER from the wedding, that YOU, the ex-JW, persecuted the faithful JW.
She has shown, time and again, that her goal with you is to cause you pain. Don't play the game, because she isn't about to stop playing it, as long as she has opportunities.
Hang tough, don't send them.
This really is a time for "tough love". She/they drew the lines by not coming to your wedding. (I love that "declined" ) She knows exactly why you haven't sent the pics so far, if you do it now, you've simply capitulated to their brand of love, which isn't acceptable love at all.
"Perhaps it really hurts them"? C'mon, lets be big kids here. Hurt them how? Like real, life changing hurt? I don't think so. But if it is real hurt, then let that hurt do it's magic, let them make the life changes to eliminate the hurt out of both of yours' lives. It's not as if you're asking for anything more than simple human decency.
Andi, I agree with Dansk (even though that was his "666th" post .)
It is difficult, I know, in my situation, it is with my brother. I haven't seen him in several years and the last time I did it was very hurtful to me.
Recently, I had some new pictures of my daughter taken and was weighing out should I send him some or not, knowing that it does open up that door to more hurtfulness. I did email hime some and I think I will snail mail him some. I haven't heard back from him but I guess in some small way that is a good thing!
I wish you peace about which ever way you decide.
I say send 'em.
Be kind and you'll "heap fiery coals on her head".
I don't see how sending the pictures will hurt you. I'd say just send 'em and forget about it. Maybe it'll soften her attitude, it certainly won't make things worse.
I say send them as well. It sounds like you have kept some relationship with her since you are talking and emailing to her. No need to return evil with evil. Send her the pics and maybe slowly they'll start to realize they have no need to shun you.
I would not send them.
If they want to treat you like shit, and shun you, and not go to your wedding, and write "4-declined" in response to your wedding invitation, and generally act like nasty horrible cretins but expect you to send them pictures, well excuse me but screw them!!
They need to know that it is NOT ok to treat you like garbage and emotionally blackmail you. If they wanted pictures, they should have gone to their own daughter's wedding. The nerve! God Andi, I don't know how you have become such a nice person with family like that.
If that were my family, I would have told them to sit and spin.
Andi, ask her....
Why would a person want pictures of a wedding they deemed too unchristian to attend in person?
Your mother probably calls you out of duty, or guilt, or both. I don't know. But it sure ain't love. Fully letting go takes some time. This I know personally. I do know how badly hurt you have been from their shunning and I think the healing process is accelerated by not reaching out to people who rip the scab off of that wound.
I personally do not comprehend how you could be moved to send wedding pictures to so-called family who didn't love you enough to attend your beautiful wedding.
I personally do not comprehend how you could be moved to maintain a relationship with so-called family who go years and years without bothering to visit you or inviting you to visit them.