I didn't think my JW family could find another way to hurt me but...

by Ghost of Esmeralda 73 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  avishai

  Hi could you give me some backstory here because I am actually failing to see how this is such a big deal?

  Thank you ouroboros for your stupidity to give me a soapbox for the point I was going to make.

  I work w/ kids in a group home for severely emotionally disturbed, abused boys. Undermining parental authority, & teaching kids to be "sneaky" & lie to their parents is one of the most abusive things short of punching, or having sex w/ a child that you can do.

  Esmerelda, this is S.O.P for the JW's. Divide & conquer. To continue to expose your child to this is abuse. If your mom says it's o.k, & she stops talking to you, so much the better. sorry if I sound harsh & insensitive, but I've gone thru this as a child w/ my own grandma, & work w kids 56 hrs. a week that have been put thru varying degrees of this B.S.

  Ouroboros, your full of shit, you obviously don't know what your talking about. Teaching a child to be sneaky & go behind the one person that has sole authority over them screws them up. Secrecy w/ a 7 yr. old is NOT OK! For ALL OF YOU that allow your children to be w/ relatives, dubs or not, that undermine your authority, is abusive.
• 

  ozziepost

  Teaching a child to be sneaky & go behind the one person that has sole authority over them screws them up.

  Absolutely! And how many other children are they abusing emotionally like this?
• 

  95stormfront

  Scully

  the way Essie described how her father felt when he saw the little girl coming out as the wedding was beginning.... a lot of people would be paralyzed by the shock and while realizing there was something horribly wrong going on,

  If it was YOUR daughter / grand-daughter getting married that day, would you really want to be remembered as the one who "ruined the wedding" by having a huge outburst in a place of worship??

  Scully, I guess I would've been a first class a$$hole that day then because I would've expected more from my daughter than to pull an "end run around" piece of shit stunt like that knowing full well how they treated this girls mother. I would've at least, registered my absolute disgust verbally immediately to them after the ceremony and called the girls mother to have her immediately come pick her up for the stunt they pulled; SOCIAL DECORUM BE DAMNED. I feel it would've served her right to have her special day tarnished at least a little for using the innocence of that little girl in their little game of one-upsmanship.

  I'd like to know when did and if this man protest? Did he wait until after all the pictures were taken, after all the food was eaten, after the event was well over after using the girl as a pretty piece of meat against what he knew would be her mother's wishes...or did he only protest after the mother registered her complaint? How long did he "keep quiet" to not incur the wrath of his wife's anger?

  I know if I were this girls father, it would indeed be an Ice Age in hell before any of these people spent any unsupervised time with this girl again.
• 

  Ghost of Esmeralda

  I'd like to know when did and if this man protest? Did he wait until after all the pictures were taken, after all the food was eaten, after the event was well over after using the girl as a pretty piece of meat against what he knew would be her mother's wishes...or did he only protest after the mother registered her complaint? How long did he "keep quiet" to not incur the wrath of his wife's anger?

  I don't think my dad protested. What you guys don't know is that my sister just finished raking my dad over the coals for three weeks because he agreed with a decision I made which prevented my daughter from going with my sister to the bride's shower (we had horrible weather, I demanded she come home from my ex's). So he was gunshy about upsetting her again. I cut him slack since his surgery 2 years ago he's different, he's much more emotional now and otherwise, I have no doubt that he would have objected, more loudly.

  My mother, apparently, did get into quite a row with my sister at the reception. She didn't like my sister's attitude one bit. Unfortunately, she doesn't care for mine either. When I see my dad alone later this week it will be interesting to see what, if anything, he says about the event.

  No answer from my ex on written demands that he cut off contact between my daughter and my sister. If he doesn't say anything by tomorrow, I'll be seeing him, and I'll hand him a copy of my letter, right to his face. As far as my ex protesting...HA! Never. He has cultivated very close relationships with my family since I've gone.

  I'm so sorry so many here are hurting. Parents, children. There's no end to the damage to families this organization has done. And for what? What is so wrong with me that they have to treat me this way?

  If I was a person who was using drugs, prostituting myself (as they claim all women who leave the org end up doing!!) or committing crimes, I could understand it. But I'm not. I'm a good mother, a good person, law abiding, all of that. But they don't judge me on my conduct. They only judge me based on the fact that I don't share their religious beliefs anymore. My husband's family cannot fathom this, as his immediate family isn't that religious (raised catholic, faded out) but they have multiple religions going through marriage and all, and they cannot imagine cutting off their relatives just because they believe differently.

  And the world is supposed to be so cold, and unloving. Ha. My in laws don't even know about this yet...when they find out, they're going to be in orbit right along with us.

  ~essie
• 

  SheilaM

  Esmeralda: I found out that my Step-Mom and Dad talked about me to my daughter and son. All the time the lovey-doveyed me to my face. Melanie didn't want to hurt me so she never told me. I guess one day my Dad was ragging on Mel for not eating something and he said something about me and she screamed "You always hated my Mom". It's funny Mel has told me that story about a zillion times, I think it's because she couldn't tell me when it happened.

  Just remember your daughter will growup and their actions will bite them in the ass.
• 

  Jayson

  For ALL OF YOU that allow your children to be w/ relatives, dubs or not, that undermine your authority, is abusive.

  Thank you Avishia. I agree 100%.

  Ess,

  When I told my JW family that I love them but their behavior will not be tolerated any more and they will no longer have private visits with my children because they can not be trusted they did not like it. In fact when they learned that they can no longer have any contact that is not under their terms they became very crazed. But I did not play the game. Just so you know I don't hurt anymore. I can't say that I am apathetic to your situation because I know that kind of hurt. I wish that I could say the magic word that would take away the pain that they inflicted. But I can't. I can only tell you that I have seen it and lived it. It hurts. But if they loved you and if they loved your daughter then they could not have done it. They are sick yes but that is no excuse. As long as they are in the organization they will never understand what they do hurts people and it is not OK. I need more people like you to stand up with me. To tell them no more. If we do then eventually the organization will change it's ways or die. I believe that and am OK with either one. But as long as we battle on their terms we will help not ourselves, them, or our children. Them doing this to my wife is one thing. But I will not have my children in this evil game. I will never let my family be divided willingly. I hope that somehow some of what people say here gives you some strength. You are not alone and this is not something that just happened to you. It is something that goes on everywhere all the time inside that group. It is a sick society and should not be rewarded with toleration.

  With love and understanding,

  Jay
• 

  dedalus

  My husband's family cannot fathom this, as his immediate family isn't that religious (raised catholic, faded out) but they have multiple religions going through marriage and all, and they cannot imagine cutting off their relatives just because they believe differently.

  Sounds like they're getting a "good witness," anyway! No Watchtower or Awake can have as profound an effect as the wretched behavior of Witnesses themselves. "By their works you will know them," or however what's-his-name put it.

  Dedalus
• 

  Xandria

  Ghost of Esmerlda,

  You have my condolences on this situation. I was quite shocked to read Oroborus's reply. Because it is about you and they are using your daughter to manipulate you. I would definately speak to your lawyer in regards to this behavior. This is beyond despicable they have crossed the line. Your daughter has already felt the pain of it. Because she thinks you were mad at her, due to her not wearing the dress. It was not about her not wearing the dress. It was about your sister being deceitful.

  It makes me ill to think of a child placed in this position. Nor should she have to be. All vistitations should be halted until an CLEAR understanding is made. That all functions that your child is involved in ,regarding family. Must be agreed upon in advance and all things the child is participating in disclosed. IF not then vists will be terminated until family members comply.

  I also agree with many on the board's decision of shun one shun us all. Due to the unhealthy enviroment this hateful behavior stirs. No child should have to make these decisions or be placed in the middle of this. Period.

  You hang in there.

  X.
• 

  Ghost of Esmeralda

  I also agree with many on the board's decision of shun one shun us all. Due to the unhealthy enviroment this hateful behavior stirs. No child should have to make these decisions or be placed in the middle of this. Period.

  This is the way my husband and I feel as well. When we made that position clear to my sister in the past, she said "Of course he feels that way, he's worldly."

  My dad just stopped by. Hilarious, he told me that my mother thinks I hung up on her. I assured him that I wouldn't do that, that I heard her shout "I don't want anything to do with your sister, I don't want anything to do with you, or any of you, I have to go now." *click* I waited a moment, then I put the phone down. I most definitely did not, and would not have hung up on her. He said he would let her know that it was a 'miscommunication.'

  After a few days reflection on this whole mess, I have been able to get my attitude in line for the good of my child, to put my own feelings aside once again.

  We spent more than an hour this morning talking about it, me asking questions about the wedding, about her favorite parts, what she liked best about her dress, etc. She giggled and smiled her way through her story. I think that I will be able to see pictures, even though it'll hurt, because it's best for her. And I always, always do what is best for my child.

  She understands that it is the sneaking around on my sister's part that upset me, not her involvement in the wedding in any way. I wanted to be good and sure her sensitive 7 year old conscience doesn't suffer any guilt.

  My dad warned me against taking a 'hard line' with my sister. I told him, Dad, my door is always open to her. But this sneaking, deception, and divide and conquer tactic will not be tolerated anymore. By me, or by my husband. We made this decision as a family, and my sister is going to have to act like an adult.

  It's going to be all or nothing, the choice is up to my sister. Still no word from my ex. I'm going to be seeing him later today, so it looks like I'll be handing him that letter in person after all.

  But I am feeling much better today. Because I'm taking control back. I am not helpless in this situation by any means, and there is no way that they are ever going to pull a stunt like that again.

  Thanks again everyone, your support and insights have been priceless. Even whats-his-name who seems to be seeing the JW side...thanks for reminding me why I don't want to go back, ever!

  ~Essie
• 

  95stormfront

  My dad warned me against taking a 'hard line' with my sister.

  ROFL

  Or what? What's she gonna do.....judicially cut you off from God?

  If these women are so much "died in the wool" JWs then perhaps your dad should use the "head of the household" card to put all of them in check.