My Dad wants to study with me

by BlackWolf 53 Replies latest jw friends

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    black wolf

    go along with what your father wants. i bet he will soon get fed up with it.

  • WingCommander

    Do what I did as a child; ask your parent if we are supposed to be "footstep followers of Jesus?" Of course they will answer, "Why, yes!" Then state, "Well, Jesus didn't get baptized until he was 30 years of age, so I'll just do as he did." End of story. I'd also add in that this isn't unreasonable, since you're probably not old enough to vote, enlist in the military, drink, smoke, or DATE, according to the law and JW dogma. That should shut them up. It did my parents. lol

  • midnight

    Basically in order to avoid awkward questions he needs you to start making progress towards baptism , this is peer pressure by the other elders etc , draw it out as long as possible just put in the "hour " and start building some savings and looking at employment as you will be facing homelessness when you come of age as that is what was being encouraged at last year's convention .

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    Hi Blackwolf,

    I can only evaluate your situation by the words you use and I see a lot of black and white thinking going on. It might be good to review how you are looking at this situation to make sure that you aren't dramatizing anything. (not saying that you are)

    His wanting to study with me wasn't really a question, I doubt we will get through the whole book anyways. I know he is just doing it for his ego,

    Or possibly wanting to study with out out of his natural sense of duty toward you as a JW father ? That is sometimes the only way fathers know how to express their love for their Children. It may not be the lovey-dovey way you see in the movies but at least it's something.

    he normally ignores me anyway. I've never been very close to my dad (he works a lot plus elder duties), but I still love him. It feels bad disappointing my parents, even though I really hate them sometimes.

    Ignoring someone is intentional. Perhaps your father is simply not thinking to seek you out as much he could. Hate is a pretty strong emotion....perhaps what you mean is that you get really aggravated with your parents at times.

    However, my little sister has. She has always done exactly what was expected and got baptized when she was 11,

    Your sister may very well be felling the same things you are but because of her personality type and age, she has a strong need to please others, this may change as she gets older especially if she has you to pave the way. That's one of the draw backs with being the oldest.

    now that I am nearly 18 and everyone else my age is baptized people are suspicious. I have no friends and people treat me like an outcast.

    Do you really have no friends or is that belief making it difficult for you to be a friend...are you sending unfriendly vibes? Exactly how are people treating you like an outcast? Having others treat you as a true outcast is a pretty extreme situation to be in. Are they jeering at you and casting stones to make you run away or are they simply not including you or rushing up to greet you because they get the sense that you have drawn away and wouldn't respond well toward them if they did? (again..Just asking..not saying it's so)

    I know that my dad thinks he is doing what is best for me, but in reality it just makes my life feel so worthless.

    You are the one who decides how you feel, not your Dad. You can choose to feel worthless or you can choose to realize that on some level your Dad loves you but he is operating under a set of guidelines that doesn't quite fit what you want for your life. As far as I can determine, he's not saying anything about your literal worth as a person. He simply wants you to be a certain way so that HE feels more assured about your direction and about HIS worth as a JW father and HIS fear that HEis somehow failing you. Being a father is a pretty thankless job sometimes. You're a bad guy for wanting your kids to do what you think is best for them and you're a bad guy for letting them do as they please and possibly learn things the hard way. You have to figure out and accommodate the personality types of each of your kids and yet somehow deal with each one of them equally in every circumstance without causing them to resent you.

    Perhaps if you try to soften the language you are using in your head in regard to your situation, it will be more bearable for you. This doesn't mean giving up your resolve, it means taking the emotion out of the equation and looking at the facts from the point of view of everyone else involved to determine if your circumstances are literally and truly as dire as they seem, or if they just feel that way.

    It sounds like you've decided to go ahead with your study with him. As I said in m y earlier post, just ask him questions and listen to his answers. Remember,being honest doesn't mean you have to be harsh or confrontational. You can simply listen to his answers, acknowledge that you understand what he said and then point out what your understanding is and leave it at that. My hope is that he will come to understand that you are not being rebellious but are acting out of sound reasoning.

  • Saethydd

    Pete offers sound advice, your own internal voice holds much power over your happiness. Additionally, trying to understand another person's point of view is also a worthy endeavor. Such an understanding attitude helps to temper negative feelings.

  • Anders Andersen
    Anders Andersen

    The other day my Dad told me that I was old enough to make a decision

    You can ask him if he really thinks you're mature enough to make a decision yourself regarding baptism.

    If he says yes, ask him if that means he would support you if no matter what mature decision you make?

    Would he really accept it to be your decision?

    Or does he think you're only mature enough to nod and do as he says? Does Jehovah force anyone? (Actually yes, but JWs maintain he doesn't;-)

    Respectfully discuss this with him. Either he agrees you're mature enough to make your own decision no matter what, or not. In either case you shouldn't get baptised.

  • Sanchy

    You've got a good heart BlackWolf. Some younger folks like you just enter into shouting matches with their parents over it, which usually leads nowhere good. Keeping a calm, loving attitude even when your parents might become confrontational will go long ways in attempting to keep some sort of peace within your family.


  • undercover

    Dad: Son, let's study together

    Son: Sure, Dad! Let's start in Genesis chapter 1

    Dad: Well, I was thinking of studying [insert current WT study book here]

    Son: But, Dad - that's studying [that] book, not the Bible. Let's read and study the Bible. We can use [that] book for reference, along with other reference material. This way we're really studying the Bible. This should be fun! [hold the sarcasm down as much as possible]

    And then prepare for destroying the WT creation doctrine. If you can't get out of the first chapter of Genesis, you'll never have to worry about studying the seven times, or generations, or Jesus, or great crowd, or other sheep, or Armageddon

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot


    ...if worse comes to worse maybe one of my non jw relatives will let me stay with them.

    As Outlaw said you might want to touch bases with your non-JW relatives before anything happens. One thing is sure, you're not going to get out of your situation until you get out of their house.

  • Incognito
    As a son, and almost 18, - Spiral
    Son: - Undercover

    I think BlackWolf is female.

    While I too am against this study, according to WT, it is your father's obligation to "take the lead" and study every week with those in his "household". If he's not doing that, he is not living up to his "dedication" and "headship", not that you want to necessarily throw that at him.

    Perhaps agree to the 'study', at least until the assembly has past. If he's anything similar to my father which by your comments, he appears to be, he will by then have lost interest and the pressure on you will be lessened for a time.

    I agree with other comments regarding your becoming baptized will only feed your father's ego and need for approval. My father only held a family 'study' when he was short on hours while trying to be appointed as elder. If he had enough hours, he didn't give a damn about family study, or about family for that matter.

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