Joke Sharing Thread

by Vanderhoven7 52 Replies latest social humour

  • Betheliesalot
    Betheliesalot

    Saddam Hussein wanting to have some other dictator follow in his foot steps, went to the jewish hospital and collected all the jewish babies fore skins. He then took them to his farm and planted them, hoping to raise a few dic tators.

  • jhine
    jhine

    A pregnant woman goes into labour and so she and her husband go to the hospital . The doctor says to the woman that there is a fantastic new machine that can transfer the woman's labour pains to the baby's father so that he can help his wife and experience some of the birth .

    The husband says " Go ahead , hook me up . l will take most of the pain "

    Well after a few hours the baby is born and the husband can't understand what all the fuss is about . He thinks that women make far too much of a fuss about giving birth .

    They leave the hospital and go home to find the postman passed out on the step overcome with pain .

    Jan

  • ZindagiNaMilegiDobaara
  • slimboyfat
    slimboyfat

    At the supermarket I saw a man throwing around milk. And he was throwing around cheese and yoghurt.

    I said, how dairy!

  • The Fall Guy
    The Fall Guy

    For Scottish folks:

    Kelvinside in Glasgow is well-off, posh area which in years gone by was renowned for its posh accent.

    Interviewer: "Excuse me madam, do Kelvinside residents ever talk about sex? (sacks)

    Kelvinside Lady: No, we just give them back to the coal-man when they're empty.

    Interviewer: Are you bothered by the rates in Kelvinside?

    Kelvinside Lady: We don't have rates, just big mace! (mice)

  • slimboyfat
    slimboyfat

    Why did Santa give up mince pies?

    It was bad for his Elf.

  • Vanderhoven7
    Vanderhoven7

    Why do Quebrcers only have one egg in the morning?

    Because one egg is un euff.

  • Vanderhoven7
    Vanderhoven7

    I like definition humor.

    What is the difference between communism and capitalism?

    Capitalism is hording the wealth; Communism is sharing the poverty.

  • Vanderhoven7
    Vanderhoven7

    Here is more definition humor

    What is the difference between crazy and stupid?

    Illustration

    A man gets a flat beside a mental hospital. He jacks up the car, removes the 5 nuts and places them carefully in the hubcap beside the car. As he is getting the spare from the trunk a car speeds by and clips the hubcap knocking all 5 nuts into the ditch. The man searches seemingly endlessly but can only find one nut. While he is scratching his head and inmate of the insane asylum looks out of a window and says. Why don't you remove the other hubcaps and take one nut from each wheel and put on your spare.

    The man looks incredulously up at the inmate and says, " Wow you're smart...what are you doing in there?

    The inmate says, "Look, I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid!"

  • JeffT
    JeffT

    Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and Donald Trump walk into a bar. The bar tender looks at them and says "Is this a joke?"

    ***

    A farmer is sitting on his front porch relaxing when two men carrying big buckets walk past the house toward his property. He asks them where they're going and they say "we saw some milk thistle back this way and thought we'd go get some milk."

    The farmer (wanting to see what will happen) says "That's stupid but go ahead." Later they walk back the other way, the buckets are full of milk.

    The next day they walk by again, he asks if they're after more milk. They say "no, we saw some butter cups when we were getting the milk, so now we're getting butter." Again he laughs and lets them go on. Sure enough, later they come back carrying buckets of butter.

    The third day, they come by again, but don't have the buckets. When asked what they're doing one of them says "Yesterday when we were getting the butter we saw some pussy willows...."

    "Wait a minute," the farmer says "I'm coming with you."

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