Mom died, How and When I found out

by 3rdgen 46 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Luo bou to
    Luo bou to

    sorry 3rdgen i found your mothers temper tantram amusing the vision of this 90 year old demented woman who happened to be your mother throwing turds at you I can empathise from personal experience only that the turds thrown at me were figerative not literal love ya Bob

  • 3rdgen

    Lou, I gotta tell you that when it was happening it was anything but funny. I loved her with my whole heart and dementia or not, her anger was directed at me and I didn't deserve it. My friend who works in health care was with me at the time. She advised me never to go back for the sake of my mental health. I took her advice. Now I'm trying to do the work to heal.

  • Luo bou to
    Luo bou to

    3rdgen anything but funny i suspected as much that's why I said sorry I know your friend is right from personal experience you will grieve and heal and in time be able to relate your experience in the third person without emotional pain my loss ? among many the worst was Jodie my daughter 18 years old pregnant with what would have been my first grandson I have told you this for only one reason to add weight to my conviction you will heal cause I believe if I can do it so can you Please nurture your inner child

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    I'm no expert on this but my 84 year old MIL now has dementia yet is as sweet and kind as she ever was but she finds it easier to be honest about her feelings and to say what she's really thinking . Before dementia, if we asked her something as simple as whether or not she thought the soup we made for her dinner needed more salt, she'd spare our feelings by saying "oh's perfect" then later she'd give it a few shakes of salt when she thought no one was looking. Now, she has no trouble saying she doesn't like or agree with something but she does it politely and with kindness still because that's who she really is, deep down.

    In my opinion, the display you saw at your last visit with your mother, came from someone whose dementia is making it impossible for them to hide the ugly person they are deep down inside (who knows what might have happened to her as a child?). Still, it sounds like you were emotionally abused by your mother and yet as is often the case, you still loved her, kept trying to please her and on some level may have blamed yourself for the difficulties between you.

    Even though your mother was "gone" a number of years ago, it was unkind and unfair of the family not to tell you she had passed. None of this should have happened to you and you were quite right not to ever go back there.

    There are many who have left the JW's yet carried around a sense that they themselves were to blame for the religion not working out for them. The only way for them to get past those haunting feelings and to heal is for them to investigate and truly understand the flawed doctrines and hidden past of the organization. Even as flawed as some of the views JW's have, are , they wouldn't have condoned your mothers disapproval of your pioneering simply because it wasn't "where the need was greater" and all of the other nonsense she came up with to brow beat you with.

    The only way for you to heal now is to get to the point where the young girl still left in you absolutely believes and understands that children don't have to be anywhere near perfect in order for their parents to treat them lovingly and no matter what, you shouldn't have been treated so badly.

  • smiddy

    That was a terrible experience you went through 3rdgen .Very sad to have to go through something like that with your mother and other members of the family.

    And the witnesses love to spout off how they are family orientated and have love for each other and their fellow man/woman.

    Take care

  • Worldling9
    I am so very sorry that any of this happened to you. Sending big hugs and the hope you can find the peace and joy you deserve.
  • scratchme1010

    I am not nor have ever been DF'd DA'd. I have never said or implied anything "Apostate" to anyone other than this forum. YET....This is the fruitage of Watchtower. Just thought you might find it mildly revealing.

    I'm so sorry about the entire thing. You don't deserve such mistreatment, never did. It's difficult to be ostracized by your own family in such manner.

    I lost my JW mom in 2016 and the events around it with the JWs and the messed up family I have were horrible to deal with.

    I hope you're holding up well, and I hope you have a way to bring some peace to yourself and our family. None of it is your fault.

    Interesting to see that she was completely involved with the WT nonsense, yet that organization couldn't care less about her well being.

    Take care of yourself.

  • JW GoneBad
    JW GoneBad

    I feel for you 3rdgen. It just goes to show how miserably the WTBTS has failed on soo many levels in keeping families together and united.

    I'm reminded of the green 1978 JW book...'Making Your Family Life Happy' - and the many revisions to that book since and still today JW's are a leader in dysfunctional families.

    God bless you and yours 3rdgen!

  • blondie

    thirdgen, I'm so sorry and I wish I could hug you, you deserve many.

    My jw mother died six years ago, and I did not go to the jw service. I had cut off communication to her 11 years before after years of emotional, verbal and sexual abuse. It was the best thing I did. But I was not an only child and her husband was still living.

    I did not feel bad because she was a stranger to me nothing more than a DNA donor. I don't feel people should worship at the mother or f ather altar.

    Hugs and love, Blondie

  • Sorry

    3rdgen, I'm so sorry. I wish I could find you, hug you and prepare you some chocolate chip cookies, cake and warm milk.

    I don't know every detail of your relationship or about your mom, but it sounds like she would've been a nasty person with or without the negative influeneces on the WTBTS (although it probably exacerbated her issues). I can't imagine no matter how demented you are, you'd never resort to flinging feces at your own DAUGHTER.

    I hope your relationship with your own girl improves, I can tell you are twice the mom yours was.

    Hugs, Kisses and Cookies-Sorry.

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