Mom died, How and When I found out

by 3rdgen 46 Replies latest jw experiences

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  3rdgen

  Hi friends,

  It's been awhile since I've been talkative. Thought I'd give you an account of my latest family dysfunction.

  A brief backstory is that I am an only child whose parents were born in JW's. Hubby and I took care of my twice widowed mother until we were bankrupt financially and emotionally. Mom, being the rabid JW she was, was never satisfied with me my entire life. Even pioneering didn't please her because "You need to move where the need is great". Criticism was her only form of communication.

  She spent her last years in a rest home 3 hrs from me so she could be with 2 of her siblings there. Visits to see her were emotionally draining. She would try everything she could to guilt me about something.

  The last time I saw her she was in her late 90's. When I had to tell her for the umteenth time she couldn't come home with me because we were unable to care for her any longer, she reached into her pants and threw her own excrement at me. I ran out of her room crying and she followed me down the hall and threw two more turds in my direction!

  It was then I mourned her loss. I never saw her again and the rest of her family have cut me out of their lives for years. In early Oct. I got a voicemail from mom's SIL:" Your mom passed away. We will be having a memorial service for her on Saturday. If you want more information you can call me." Mind you, she didn't give the time or town this was to occur.

  Hubby called the rest home and found out that she had died almost a WEEK EARLIER! and that they and the mortuary people had been told by a few "people from the church" that she had NO children!

  I am not nor have ever been DF'd DA'd. I have never said or implied anything "Apostate" to anyone other than this forum. YET....This is the fruitage of Watchtower. Just thought you might find it mildly revealing.
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  stillin

  Sad. You both got shorted. I hope you can find goodness in life. It sounds like you're trying.
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  freddo

  So sorry you've gone through this 3rdgen.

  Some mothers are very spiteful and very selfish. Add the WT Babble and Trick Society into the mix and they take it to a whole new level.

  Hugs.
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  Sail Away

  3rdgen, I'm so terribly sorry for the pain you are experiencing. I know what it is like to be a caregiver for an abusive, aging parent. It does drain your last bit of strength, both phyically and emotionally.

  Just know that you did the best you could by your mother, and please try not take her clearly deranged behavior personally. Mental illness and dementia can be among the most demanding illnesses on the family. JW crap only adds to the pain of the situation.

  Please take good care of yourself,

  Diane
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  3rdgen

  Stillin and Freddo, Thanks. In my family, if a relative is not an EXEMPLARY JW he/she is garbage.

  Nice to know that all those decades of sitting at the KH have produced such Christ-like disciples. LOL
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  3rdgen

  Sail Away, Diane, thanks for your kind words. Sorry you have "been there".
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  sparky1

  "Criticism was her only form of communication" - 3rdgen

  Sounds just like my mother! She was viciously criticizing me right up to her death in the hospital! Lots of cruel and unchristian parents were produced by the Watchtower doctrine. I have complete empathy and sympathy for you having to grow up in a dysfunctional family system. At least we survived and thrived the best we could without intentionally hurting others. Best wishes to you.
  
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  Xanthippe

  I'm so sorry, you've been through a terrible time with your mother your whole life and now this. I hope after the funeral you can begin to move on from the harm this dysfunctional woman caused you. Take care, it's time for you now.
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  millie210

  3rdgen I am so sorry. I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug.

  Sometimes it seems so hard to tell where the dysfunction of the JW religion and the dysfunction of the individual begin and end, at least that has been my experience in my own family which is very similar to yours.
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  3rdgen

  Sparky, sorry you know what I'm talking about. I know my parents would have been selfish, abusive, narcissists even without their mentor JFR and Watchtower. However, Watchtower added a thick layer of fog Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to their parenting styles.

  Nothing says love like telling a small child that naughty Israelite children were stoned to death and that if we lived then SHE would be throwing the first stone. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, doesn't it?