Here we go again - I think I'm toast this time

DanTheMan

In September 2001, I had a brief relationship with a coworker. Nothing came of it, we weren't a match. But I was attracted to her, and I still am somewhat disappointed that more didn't come of it.

Well, today she tells me she's going to San Francisco for a week, her plane leaves in the morning. I vaguely remember her telling me a few months back that she had a boyfriend, but that he was moving to San Fran. So I put 2 and 2 together.

I asked her about her new guy, she very eagerly told me about him, and asked me if I had any women in my life. I said no, I don't get many opportunities. The conversation went back to her new guy, and I said something to the effect that I wish it had been me. I noticed that she didn't appreciate my saying this, so I quickly tried to make some small talk.

I left her cubicle and thought nothing of it. Later, my boss comes to my desk and summons me to go down with her to HR with her. I knew i was in trouble for something, but I had no idea what. My mind started racing - Did I do any inappropriate web surfing from my work computer? Nope. Had I made any inappropriate advances towards any coworkers? Nope. Since the last incident happened (which some of you may recall), I have totally tried to avoid even giving the slightest hint of any such overtones towards my female colleagues.

Well, on the way down I said to my boss "My mind is racing! I have no idea what this is about!" She says "It has something to do with a conversation you had with ____ today". I couldn't believe it!

I still am trying to understand why what I said made her so upset. Ladies, can you help me to understand? I'm embarrassed to say that it seems like I make women uncomfortable sometimes. In no way shape or form did I intend to hurt or harrass my coworker with what I said today.

I am really afraid that I'm going to get the ax. At the very least I am probably going to be suspended. I am going to call the HR guy tomorrow and totally grovel like I've never grovelled before.

Once again I'm feeling like a total waste of flesh. Any encouragement would be nice right now.

joannadandy

She was probably rattled because you're obviously STILL OBSESSING over her...even if you do wish it was you, don't say that. It just makes her feel uncomfortable and feel bad.

If all you did/said was what you wrote here I seriously dobut you have anything to worry about, you're not going to get fired, but you obviously made her feel uncomfortable. Next time she talks about her new guy, give her a pat on the back say "I"m glad he makes you happy" and excuse yourself from the situation...and you do need to move on...this was obviously a while ago. Let it go.

LB

Well because of past history she may be slightly upset but give me a break. Count your blessings. This is a drama queen. Be glad she didn't go for you.

Unless you were drooling when you last spoke to her, that could change things.

BeautifulGarbage

It's hard to respond because of not knowing the tone of the conversation and the body language.

My first reaction was "What is it with some young (assuming she is young..well, probably a lot younger than me, anyway) women these days?! So damn sensitive! I would have taken it as a compliment"

Then again, I'm not sure exactly what went down between you two. Perhaps that comment gave her the creeps. I agree with just congratulating her and wishing her all the best. Period.

So, did she make a sexual harassment complaint?

Andee

DanTheMan

Sexual harrassment seems to be what they were hinting at in the HR meeting. Which I don't understand at all based on my conversation with her, there was nothing sexual said at all.

Joanna, I think you may be right, I still think about her a lot (my advice to anybody out there reading this is - DON'T DATE COWORKERS!) I really need to move on. When you're a timid 32 year old guy, the opportunities don't come very often, so you regret the ones that get away quite a bit. On the other hand, she seems to have no problem attracting men, so I probably am ancient history to her.

If it wasn't for the prior, I wouldn't be worried at all right now. I don't know, maybe this is a blessing in disguise. If they fire me, I'm gonna fight it pretty hard. If they suspend me, I'll take my lumps. But regardless of what happens, I think it's time for me to look for a career change. These Customer Service jobby jobs that I do are making me miserable.

lauralisa

Hey Dan, This sounds so completely f**ked up. People who file complaints as lame as this one make it extremely difficult for those who DO have LEGITIMATE complaints to find resolution for their issues. One important question: are you in a supervisory position over this person? If you are, things could get sticky for you. If you are not, she is wasting everyone's time, and should be counseled on HER behavior. Everyone has some kind of grievance; sometimes it is hard to articulate just exactly what it is about; you are probably stuck in a drama queen's 'drama' as LB aptly pointed out I hope you are ok now and will see this thing end soon... let us know, okay? laura

DanTheMan

LL,

Hey there, haven't seen ya post in a while!

Yeah, it seems to me that someone in the position that my HR guy is in would have to view her actions as being somewhat vindictive. That's what I keep coming back to. There was absolutely no ill intent on my part. It wasn't like I told her to shake her thing or something. I thought that me and this girl had developed something of an amicable, if awkward, relationship. But the claws sure came out today. There is something fundamental that I don't get about women.

jgnat

All good advice, except for one line,

Next time she talks about her new guy, give her a pat on the back say ...

considering the history, and especially because she has gone to HR, all touching is now out of bounds. Tough break.

Good luck tomorrow.

crinklestein

Tomorrow ask her if she can bend over while you fish that bug out of her ass. Then see what happens. :) You may be well on your way out of customer service hell quicker than you think.

RAYZORBLADE

Hey Dan. Sorry to hear about what happened.

Anyways, it's always awkward and difficult when it comes to co-workers. (dating)

Oddly enough, despite this co-worker's complaint regarding your comment, do you think that she'll be known as one to 'stay away from', or 'too sensitive' or 'potentially problemsome' around the workplace?

Management probably did the right thing, and deal with it right away, not let it fester. I hope it will be dealt with, acknowledged, and not happen again.

I am sure you meant no harm, but if she's so secure with her new boyfriend, why would she go so quickly into warrior mode? Just wondering.

Anyways, I wish you the best.

Here we go again - I think I'm toast this time

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