by DanTheMan 47 Replies latest jw friends
Six,
Yes, I agree that nobody wants to hear excuses or a big ploy to get sympathy. So I didn't mention my cult involvement as a reason for my lack of a clue.
I am grovelling only because of the way the company treats these cases, in that it's all in the accuser's perception, how I viewed what took place is virtually irrelevant in their eyes.
I'm just praying for a suspension and mandatory sensitivity training.
Hi Dan,
Where I work, sexual harassment classes are mandatory for staff. My advice to you is to see what the law is. My understanding from our class is that harassment happens only when the "aggreived" party says "stop it--don't talk to me that way--don't touch me" preferably in front of eyewitnesses. If that's not the case, then there is no harassment. It has to be made known that it was unwelcome.
I agree with 6of9: quit being on the defensive. Plus do research, on the web, what your rights are. Be proactive! If that's all you said and she did not make a public statement to stop it (but you stopped it anyway), no case. Don't be pushed around!
All the best,
Pat
P.S., that's from a female perspective.
Refiners fire said a lot. Growing up JW, relationships with women were serious. In my area, JWs didn't really date unless they intended marriage. Imagine what this does to your perceptions. As a young JW, you find a girl you're attracted to, ask her out, then proceed down that road to marriage. There was no casual dating just to see whether you even liked somebody. You were almost committed to marriage starting with your first date.
In the real world, that sort of thing doesn't play out. I went through it. I would get all serious and scare women away. I thought I was a descent, nice guy that women were supposed to want, but that seemed to scare them away. I was quiet and shy too. Don't ask me why, but a lot of women seem to be attracted to a challenge, not the guy who is willing to have a relationship and be devoted to them. Even though they always complain men are afraid of comittment. And I apologize for generalizing here.
It seems that when I developed more confidence, I had a more aloof attitude. I sent out a different vibe. I attracted a lot more women and didn't get too focused on any one or hung up if the relationship didn't go well and I dated a lot more people. I didn't push for building a relationship. I just went with it and had fun. Not too worried about whether it ended or not. It seemed the more I would send off the vibe that I didn't care, the more women would be attracted to me. Eventually I found one who pursued me and stuck after me and we happened to be into a lot of the same things and got along great. We dated for about 4 years and got married and have now been happily married for another 4 years.
I haven't read about your past history with this girl and I don't know you. But it sounds similar to me in my first years after becoming an ex-JW. This relationship was a long time ago and you're still obsessed. No doubt you are sending out that vibe constantly. It's in the way you talk to her, the way you look at her, the things you say and don't say, your tone of voice. Us guys are often easier to read than we think. It may be that she's picked up on that and it has been wearing on her. Perhaps she feels nervous around you in the first place and overreacted to your comment. She's the one who cut it off, right? So if it hasn't happened again by now, it probably never will. So such comments will never be welcomed and better left unsaid. It only frames you, in her mind, as somebody who won't let go. And people who don't let go can be a legitimate danger. I don't know exactly what was said or how it was said, but I like to try to see both sides and I can see where she might have gotten spooked.
Like I say, I don't know either of you personally, and I don't mean to turn it around back on you. Sorry if I'm way off the mark, but there's two sides to everything.
Don't ask me why, but a lot of women seem to be attracted to a challenge, not the guy who is willing to have a relationship and be devoted to them
Yeah, I think I come off as being desperate.
As far as your other comments go, I don't think I gave her any reason to feel like I was obsessed with her. I really don't talk to her or even look at her most of the time, just an occasional casual conversation from time to time, often initiated by her. One of the reasons why it didn't work out between us was because she was (and still is) so sarcastic and moody, I can't deal with that.
I really don't understand why she reacted the way she did. I think there's some vindictiveness there. Women baffle me.
Refiner - "Well I think youve mentioned before that this guy has some kind of issue with you personally, and it seems to be that way. I think you are right in launching retaliatory proceedings. I myself would start recording in a note book and registering officially what is occuring'.
Thanks Refiner I have and will continue to record these `ocurrances` but this incident was not called for so the grievance procedure has commenced..meanwhile I`m on stress leave because of it - after all I love the job and my clients aren`t the problem its the damm co-workers and politics that get to me....I know you know only to well what I mean having had a few probs yourself at work - thanks for the support! Debz
Kat Newmas thinks silently...."I wouldn't mention the fundamentalist, control religous nut thing"
Ummm save that for the next time you are on trial for capital murder or something. no use in wasting a perfectly good insanity plea..... on the wrong woman.
*****kat newmas means no disrespect to women, but this one sounds like she just isnt the one.
Well I should be hearing today or tomorrow whether or not they are going to let me come back to work.
If they fire me, I think I'm going to fight it. I just can't see how they could justify terminating my employment in court. I'll keep you all posted, either on this thread or I may start a new one when I hear the decision.
{{Dan}} Good Luck.
If they did not fire you immediately they are looking over all the legal ramifications of doing it. Even though Ohio is a state that allows employers to fire at will (at will employment) they are still going to cover their ass in every direction. They also have to cover themselves legally from the woman's possible legal hassels. Since she complained about you before and they called you in, it is not looking good.
When you get home, you may want to do a little digging on the corp (I would, however, my mind is blank on the name, though I can see the building--PM me if you want)....look for websites that are like "XYZcorpsucks.com". You may find people with similar issues.
Also, State Farm is going to be hiring hundreds more up in New Albany...Plus Discover is always hiring. As a way to pay the bills, it is better than a mini-mart. Huntington is also always looking for people at Easton.
Remember, the folks at your company can only legally say you worked there and what you salary was. They usually won't even say that...they are supposed to answer with Yes or No when someone askes. Try to wrangle a reference from someone (preferably a supervisor) before you/if you leave....at least if you have a reference from someone who worked there, it never looks as bad.
Tina,
The incident back from November and this incident involve two different coworkers.
I agree, it is not looking good for me. I just got a call from the HR guy, he said that they hope to have things "wrapped up" by tomorrow, but that it may not be until this Monday. This is killing me. It just seems so blown out of proportion.
