Here we go again - I think I'm toast this time
Wellllll you might want to wait till you actually KNOW what she said about you before you get upset about it....maybe it wasn't that bad. I have had that happen to me before, get all upset and worked up over a few chance words my boss dropped before meeting with me only to find out it wasn't really anything at all....lol I tend to be a worrier
Don't borrow trouble, there is enough to be had without that! If she did indeed indicate that you sexually harrassed her simply explain what REALLY happened. You don't have a history of sexually harrassing her or anyone else (sorry I don't remember the last incident you mentioned, was that related to sexaully harrassment?) so basically it comes down to her word against yours...they can't fire you on the basis of that. Your boss might just want to remind you of company policy regarding dating or being involved with another co-worker.
I hope things turn out for the best for you Dan, you seem like a nice guy
Where I work we've had tons of meetings on sexual harassment and the implications of it. Lawyers have come and spoke to us in large numbers saying don't do this, don't do that. It appears that some of us need to walk on egg shells all the time. There's one guy in our maintenance area who has a particular problem with women though. He has a terrible reputation of saying things to women that are totally inappropriate, including me, although I have never turned him in because I always thought sexual harassment was when your job was on the line if you didn't give services to a boss.
This particular guy has been suspended twice for short periods of time w/o pay for saying things to different women at where I work. He was also banned from a restaurant near our office because he was driving the waitresses crazy with his tacky comments and all the waitresses refused to wait on him. I have been told through the grapevine that if one more woman complains about this guy, he will be fired. I told him bluntly never to talk to me again about anything and that seems to have done the trick. He may call me to ask me about work, but no small talk is done. This guy's just a real perv.
Dantheman, I hope you don't lose your job. This is a terrible time to lose one's job, and besides, I think they would fight you on getting unemployment benefits.
Never date a coworker. I got engaged to one and when we broke up, I had to quit because he was making me crazy by showing up at my desk saying things, like I am sorry. I was reduced to tears most of the time (the breakup wasn't my idea) and I ended up quitting because my sanity was involved.
Good luck to you Dantheman!
Thank you all for your comments, they are much appreciated.
I'm wondering if it's worth mentioning to them that I just recently left a high-control, fundamentalist religious group where women were relegated to a subservient, submissive role. And that I'm still working on my attitudes towards women.
bull shit...stay to what you said....for christ skae if she can't handle that than she should move to a human free environment!
Dan, based upon this instance and your previous encounter with this woman, I think she is taking advantage of you.
Most women are not like this...she is the exception. As noted, unless you were foaming at the mouth, most women would take what you said as a compliment or just drop the subject.
Since she knows you have an interest in her breasts, (was that not the previous encounter; at the XMas party?) I would steer clear of them...unless they have pasties on and she is hanging on a poll at Dockside Dolls.
Since there are exceptions, you know what to do. Nothing....ever. At work.
OTOH, I have been on the receiving end of this....my boss, in Columbus 13 years ago, would stare at womens breasts while feeling himself up. He would put his hand in his pocket and fondle himself while supposedly listening to you. It was creepy, yet no one would complain.
I was alone in a room during annual inventory and he walked in, closed the door, put his leg up on a chair, stared at me and in full frontal view, grabbed his crotch and was jerking off!!!!!
I ran from the office, ran to the front of the building where security was and told my female manager. She said he always did shit like that and to ignore it...he had been doing it for years.
I filed a formal complaint with K-Mart Corp (I worked at the distribution center) and 3 weeks later I was called in by the VP of HR, my manager, the President of our facility and a security guard. I was told the incident had been investigated and they determined that Mr. Ross, the offending party, HAD JOCK ITCH!!!!!
I quit on the spot. They told me that they had him see a doctor and got a prescription.
I should have sued....I would have gotten a nice sum for pain and suffering. I got great reviews from them for years however. I tried and the system let me down. I had to quit my job over this neanderthanl. (He was a board members son-in-law; that is how he got a job)
I hope everything turns out for you....l
Hey if they try to roast you over the coals,Transfer it over to her Dan. Tell them all about how you boinked her all over the place in every position under the sun when you were involved with her, then tell them that, this time, she threw herself at you and you knocked her back.Thats why shes levelled this charge at you. That should turn their heads inside out and give them something to think about. I guarantee theyll decide to do nothing just to cover their asses.
I think the fact that you had a relationship with this woman, however brief, mitigates your situation here. It certainly is not the same as if you had never had any relationship with her whatsoever. If you have not made the fact of your brief relationship known to HR, I suggest you do so at the earliest possible moment.
I also think that any female who would take advantage of certain EEOC rules and regs in dealing with an ex at work is behaving in a less than honorable manner, unless of course you attempt cube rape.
Finally, does your company have written policies dealing with work relationships and related issues? Does your company sponsor mandatory company-wide seminars detailing its policies for all employees? You can hardly be dismissed for breaking a policy when there is no policy in place. If they dismiss you while at the same time have no policy in place, then they may be liable for a lawsuit from you.
Debz: "Example, today I was berated by a male Manager (of another team- he is in admin and I am a professional) most inappropriately in a public place (staff room) and found myself walking out of work today, something I`ve never done before - the grievance he had with me was a simple mistake on my part and I was agreeable with all his requests until he said "you should know better" - un-necessary. I believe SOME men (not all) who are on some kind of power trips think it OK to behave in this manner to a woman colleague"...
Well I think youve mentioned before that this guy has some kind of issue with you personally, and it seems to be that way. I think you are right in launching retaliatory proceedings. I myself would start recording in a note book and registering officially what is occuring .
RF - you crack me up man. By the way, I'm enjoying the 'Fred Said' series even though I haven't commented.
Francois - they are very aware that there was a relationship in the past. I too hope that they take this into consideration. There is a section regarding harrassment in the HR guide that they give to all new employees. It uses words like "severe" and "pervasive" and "create a hostile work environment". But, in their eyes all these things are based on the perceptions of the one making the accusation, not so much an objective evaluation of the situation.
I emailed the HR guy today and told him that it is not my intention at all to make anyone uncomfortable. I asked if they offer any sensitivity training (which I could probably use, because I do find that in some ways I am socially clueless and I'm not aware of how I come across to people it seems). I told him that if they don't, then I will be glad to seek out such training on my own time and at my own expense.
We'll see how it goes. I didn't hardly sleep a wink last night. I just bought a house last spring, it seemed like things were looking up. I managed to survive that boneheaded incident from November, but I'm not so sure about this one.
Dan, dumbsh!t-for-life class
Dan, if this went down the way you say it did, you need STOP right now with validating her complaint. You will NOT help your cause this way.
NOOOOO! you don't mention about being in a religion where women were treated badly. (not to mention that your argument on this is bullshit- that doesn't have anything to do with your comment to this woman).
Get thyself righteously indignant over your treatment here. Groveling only tells them that you think there is merit to her charges. If this happened as you said, there is not one bit of merit to her complaint, and you need to act accordingly.