Very Lost

by Jrjw 55 Replies latest social relationships

  • Incognito

    Welcome Jrjw!

    What others in the congregation think of you, you can't do much about. Don't waste your time worrying about or trying to change other people's perceptions as they will continue to believe what they want. Fiction is usually more exciting than fact.

    Other JWs, while they can be friendly and welcoming, are conditional friends at best. If a JW does not fully comply with the religion's dictates, they will often find themselves criticized and/or shunned by the very JWs they thought were their closest friends.

    It sounds as though you have come to realize and accept what needs to be done with your marriage, but you are conflicted by the WT position against divorce and remarriage.

    Notice I said WT position as opposed to JW belief. Consider, if WT stated tomorrow that divorce and remarriage is now a personal decision, how many JWs would no longer hesitate to divorce their spouse, to find someone else.

    In addition to being responsible for yourself, you have 2 children to raise and to teach. Show them you are a strong woman who respects herself, who will stand-up for herself and for their welfare.

    Don't hesitate to immediately take action when needed. Inaction will usually be regretted, often for the remainder of a person's life.

  • Lostwun

    I feel for you JRJW, I really do. I myself can relate because I too had a very manipulative,lying, mentally and emotionally abusive ex-husband and a hall full of misogynistic elders as well as in laws who turned blind eye to what he was doing to me while married to him. I didn't know him well enough before I married him to know that he had issues beforehand nor did the people who knew his history tell me.

    Your happiness and well-being is paramount. You've already made the first right step by separating yourself and your child from him. I agree with Wake me up before you JOHO, be very cautious of those siding with him or telling you you should put up with the abuse and go back to him. THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS! Your soon to be ex will say anything to these people to make himself look like a sweet smelling rose while trying to sell the story that you are the unreasonable and crazy one. Don't fall for his manipulations or that of his flying monkeys.

    I felt the same way you did in the beginning for a long time, feeling like i was trapped with no options. However I'm here to say that however much the religion tries to make you feel like you have no options YOU are not trapped! If you are not happy get out! Work on getting your circumstances and that of your sons stable. then work on divorcing him. What the elders or your husband thinks or tries to threaten you with doesn't matter.

    I won't lie it's going to be hard in the beginning as you navigate through these tricky waters but YOU WILL SURVIVE this and you will come out stronger and happier. I Promise you that!

    My life has changed so much for the better since getting free of both the WT and divorcing my abusive ex. Yours will no doubt be the same and you will find real love again. But right now focus on getting out of this Marriage and away from the Abusive religion as well.


  • Jrjw
    My daughter who's 12 has been asking me about divorcing him and if I'm allowed to remarry and it's hard to answer her coz I'm confused myself lol. She hates my husband and saw things she should never have seen
  • Xanthippe
    I can't get back with him even though we have a son coz I'll end up having a break down or having my own mental health problems in the future coz of him and I won't put my kids through all the mental torture off him again.

    My mother was persuaded by elders to stay with my dad inspite of his mental health problems. She spent her entire married life having depression. Mine was not a happy family. I'm glad you don't want to do that to your kids.

    There are other doctrines that have nn's questioning the truth too especially Deuteronomy 18:20-22.

    Exactly if this religion has been a false prophet God says not to fear them. In fact the Bible says they should be put to death! Perhaps just leave instead! You have your nonJW family to go back to, you can build a new support system starting with them.

  • freddo

    STOP worrying about the more distant future and any relationship.

    Just resolve to be firm and get away from this relationship. Change your phone number and change congregations too if it is at all possible.

    Ignore all jw contact that makes your stomach churn (stomachs are good at telling you what feels right!) - especially nosey or well meaning elders!

    You can then go home close your door, lie on the sofa, switch on the fire, look after and love your kids, help your 12 year old through puberty, switch on the TV, decide if and when you want to go to a meeting or not, come on here, check jw.facts.

    Rebuild contact with your non-jw family. Realise that if there is a God that his existence and plans do not depend upon jw's. If there isn't then enjoy the life you have. Be happy not knowing ...

    Hugs to you.

  • days of future passed
    days of future passed

    Your daughter may be affected in her future when she decides to marry. She may seek out the same type of man unconsciously and end up the same way. Or she may decide not to marry at all.

    The degree to which he has gone to make your life miserable, shows that he is a very manipulative person. He is well aware of what he is doing. That type of person is toxic. They make you doubt yourself as well as blame you for everything. That song fits them "if your lips are moving, you are lying"

    Is there relatives you could move away to?

  • tiki

    I think you would benefit from getting some professional help...a therapist. You have been in an abusive relationship and sound frozen in a spot where you don't see a way out. You need to talk it out with a professional. Also..can you find a support system in your family, relatives who aren't witnesses? Meetings and congregation associates are only going to exacerbate your inner turmoil. I believe it would be far more healthful for you to distance yourself from them...but that is your decision to make.

    The man though sounds seriously mentally ill and you are on the right track in getting away from him. Sending hugs and good wishes to you....

  • Jrjw

    I very much believe in God but I knew almost nothing about the bible when I started tudying with jws And believed what I was taught coz I was shown from the bible And I was only 22. I've decided I'm going to go right back to basics and study each bible teaching not using just jw literature and compare scriptures using a few bible's. I'll see what truths I come to doing that

  • dubstepped

    You might even go farther back and research the origins of the Bible and how it was all put together. It hit me after finding out that what JWs taught me was false that it was all based on a book that I also took as true by default. Where you end up is up to you, but you owe it to yourself to start from square one, not just assume that one thing is true and go from there because you didn't look into it deeply. That's what got you believing untruths on the first place, and me too, most of us really. Just a suggestion.

  • faithnomore

    Ok this is going to sound harsh but I really don't mean for it to be....

    You either go along with the JW mindset and continue to be sad


    You make up your mind to be happy (only contact baby daddy about child) and move on with your life.

    You and only you are in control of your happiness. Your thoughts/actions/reactions are what either make you happy or sad. No one else has control of those.

    Best of luck!!!!

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