Very Lost

by Jrjw 55 Replies latest social relationships

  • snare&racket

    Firstly.... you must have married him in a short period of time to not know who he was to,this degree, This isn’t totally your fault, that’s not what I am saying, the JW’s push marriage on all the single people to promote more numbers in the org, however in order to own the issue and NEVER make the same mistake again, own this decision and own the error that it was to marry someone you didn’t know.

    Secondly, you are 34......... you have barely begun and can easily meet someone else! I didn’t meet my gf until I was 35.

    We can’t learn from our mistakes if we don’t own them. Once you own it you can get on with your life. Accept that the JW’s haven’t got it right, that the marriage wasn’t for the best and that there is life after Watchtower and divorce.

    Incidentally, depression and mental health issues can befall anyone at any time and fluctuate in severity. It’s an illness and the JW’s perspective on mental health is shameful. Most people suffer depression and mental torment during their life.

  • Jrjw

    Pale.emperor - I know it was abuse. I felt like i was being emotionally and mentally tortured. If he did something wrong and i was upset he had a way of twisting things so that I ended up being the one in the wrong And I started feeling like i was going crazy coz I wasn't allowed to be affected by what he was doing

  • snare&racket

    Also, you are an adult. You can walk out that door this very minute and have any life you want, you really can.

  • Jrjw

    You can't properly get to know someone in the truth coz you can't be on your Own with them. We were married in 7 months but i sort of knew him for 2 years before that and he was friendly and seemed a good person. I didn't know he'd been lying about himself to make out he was The right person for me The saying is true that you don't know someone til you live with them lol. I had people asking after 3 months when we were getting married. I'm stupid coz i saw a few wrong things he did before we got married and when i spoke to him about them he said he's no really like that and was just stressed with sorting the wedding out. I wish I'd gone with my instincts but i put my doubts down to normal nerves about getting married. How's wrong i was!

  • Jrjw

    In July just before i separated from him he said I was married to him now And had to get over his lies and just put up with him And get on with it coz couldn't get divorced

  • punkofnice
    jrjw -I wouldn't be scripturally divorced.

    That's according to watchtower corporation rules. They have admitted in print recently that your leaders ~(the governing body), are not inspired or infallible so it is hard to take anything they say as true. If they get no inspiration from above, then it's all just stuff they made up.

    I know I'm not emotionally recovered from what I've been through to be in another relationship yet

    Then stop worrying and just give yourself time to breathe. Time will tell. It always will, in the end. the governing body might change their corporation policy on that if it brings them money.

    I'd say, just relax and breathe. Take time out.

  • snare&racket

    7 months! ...... that’s crazy.

    This happened over and over and over in the JW’s. I remember very few happy marriages.

    Now is your opportunity to take a grasp of this situation, it’s as easy as leaving and going to a local solicitor and filing for divorce.

    Life is too short to be unhappy.

    It is also your opportunity to assess the validity of the JW beliefs. Maybe start with how much good/bad it has done to your life. This will only work if you are honest with yourself.

  • Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho
    Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho

    There is a sister from my congregation who is 23 years old whose circumstances mirror yours. I actually was going to PM you to ask if you are her, until I read your age. This sister has been separated from her husband for two years now. And she has resigned herself to being single for the rest of her life because of her husband's extreme depressive and disordered personality type. Like you, she was lured into the marriage under false pretenses. It wasn't 'til after the vows were exchanged that he showed his true colors. My heart aches for her. Woman in her prime, much like yourself, shackled to a WT-honed conscience that forbids her to move on with her life.

    I always wondered about that scripture in Matthew 5:28 where it speaks about anyone looking at another woman lustfully having committed adultery in his heart. As a red-blooded male, there's no way your husband has not viewed pornorgaphic images or oogled another woman he's seen walk by. Does this mean he has given you grounds to divorce? The adultery may have been committed in his heart, but as we know... "out of the abundance of the heart..." (Matt 12:34). Jesus considered the heart condition to be very serious and VERY real. Furthermore, your husband has proven himself to be a liar. Remember the "Walking in Integrity" song from the brown songbook? "I do not sit... with wi-cked men of liiieeess. I hate the com-pa-ny... of those who truth de-spiiiise" (see Ps 101:7).

    I know this won't pass over your elders at all who are operating under the strict guidelines set forth in their confidential manual (PDF of Shepherd the Flock of God:, but maybe it will ease your conscience so you don't feel so damned by Jehovah for taking a stand and filing for the divorce you so clearly are entitled to.

    Another thing to add is, the standards set forth in the Bible may seem timeless and put into practice by Jehovah's Witnesses, but even Geoffrey Jackson of the Governing Body has admitted that the organization's policies are in tune with sociological changes in this current millennia. Children are not stoned to death for disobedience within the organization. They are punished in ways that preserve their lives. Likewise, consider the marital arrangement among the ancient Israelites: a raped woman was considered unmarriageable. HOWEVER, her rapist was legally entitled to force his victim to marry HIM, should he decide to "own" her. If you consider humans to have been closer to perfection all that time ago, then you'd have to agree that such personality disorders and psychological dysfunction did not exist so close to Adam and Eve in such a simple, non-industrialized society. Therefore, grounds for divorce over such serious matters and psychological abuse were not written about since there was no reference to draw from. It's the same reason Jehovah's Witnesses will not smoke a cigarette. Tobacco use is not mentioned in the Bible because cigarettes did not exist. Yet, the principle has transcended through sociological and technological developments over the centuries. The same should be true for psychological developments.

    Please know that should you formally divorce and remarry despite no physical adultery occurring on the part of your current husband, you are, by default, forgiven. This is the whole essence of Christ's ransom sacrifice that is completely brushed aside by WT theology which reconvicts your sins and punishes you also (estrangement from all the people you've become close to and loved in the organization). Romans 4:5 says that " the man who does NOT work but puts faith in the One who declares the ungodly one righteous, his faith is counted as righteousness". This scripture is actually contrasting faith with works (in your case, your works would be remaining single/celibate and grossly deceived for the rest of your life).

    You sound like a really sincere woman who values her relationship with Jehovah and has put her faith in Him. If you can put your fear of man (the elders and WT policy) aside and concentrate on His word, you may find it heart-warming that God has the magnanimity to justify the "ungodly" - not just the good people - by faith, since faith is reckoned as righteousness. You are righteous, no matter what decision you make in your life, @Jrjw.

    Reflect on Romans 4:5, Romans 5:1, Romans 3, Romans 10, and Ephesians 2:8,9 (which states "By this underserved kindness you have been saved through faith... No, it is not the result of works..."). You don't deserve to be treated "differently" by the people you once held dear. And if these friends have got you feeling so lost and unheard and resorting to an anonymous online forum just so you can vent... then I have news for you, sweetie. These are not friends. These are acquaintances who have been indoctrinated to like you for who they WANT you to be - another Jehovah's Witness in good standing who fills out the cookie-cutter mold shaped by a religious hierarchy in New York.

    You deserve to be heard. You deserve to be free. You deserve to be accepted.

    You deserve to be you.
  • never a jw
    never a jw

    "Its confusing coz the only grounds For divorce..."

    if you exit the misogynistic and controlling religion, the main grounds for divorce are that you are not happy in the relationship. (period, end of story)

  • Jrjw

    Like I said in a previous post i have a lot of thinking to do and some big decisions to make about where my future lies. As long as I stay in the truth he's always going to think he can make me get back together with him coz he says i don't have a choice coz we're married and have to stay together no matter what.

    I can't get back with him even though we have a son coz I'll end up having a break down or having my own mental health problems in the future coz of him and I won't put my kids through all the mental torture off him again. I don't want to stay on my own either I want to be in a happy loving respectful relationship so I kind of can guess which route I'll end up going down already. I've been questioning the truth for a long time but More so after things I've been told off elders and other sisters about having to put up with abuse. I can't imagine a loving God could stand to see someone so unhappy coz of a bad marriage mate and expect them just to live with it. There are other doctrines that have nn's questioning the truth too especially Deuteronomy 18:20-22.

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