Very Lost

by Jrjw 55 Replies latest social relationships

  • Crazyguy

    Maybe it’s time you study all things under the sun so to speak and really if the truth is really the truth. Again maybe you’ll be able to free yourself from slavery. The Bible says don’t be slaves of men! So why be? Do yourself a favor free yourself and gain knowledge.

  • scary21

    I have a JW friend that ended up much like you. She always calls me when she can't speak of such things to JW's in good standing.

    She ended up having an affair with a worldly man ( son of a bitch), confessed, cried, and made it sound like it only happened once. She was publicly reproved for about six months.

    POOF she was now free to remarry ! problem solved

    I believe if the man would have been nicer she would have married him. Her JW husband was her 2nd husband, she was a widow at about 40 yrs old.( She became a JW at this time) He was a bastard and did the same things your JW husband did. The only GOOD husband was the !st one that died, and he was

  • scary21

    Jrjw, I hope it all works out for you.......some of us woman. love being married, or in a committed relationship.


  • Vanderhoven7

    Summary From: Divorce and Remarriage in Context

    "The conclusions:

    • The Bible's message for those suffering within marriage is both realistic and loving
    • Marriage should be lifelong, but broken marriage vows can be grounds for divorce
    • Biblical grounds for divorce include adultery, abuse and abandonment
    • Jesus urged forgiveness but allowed divorce for repeated unrepentant breaking of marriage vows
    • Only the victim, not the perpetrator of such sins, should decide when or whether to divorce
    • Anyone who divorces on biblical grounds or who is divorced against their will can remarry.

    Very quick summary:

    This book interprets the words of Jesus and Paul through the eyes of first century readers who knew about the ‘Any Cause’ divorce which Jesus was asked about ("Is it lawful to divorce for ‘Any Cause’" – Mt.19.3). Christians in following generations forgot about the ‘Any Cause’ divorce and misunderstood Jesus.

    The 'Any Cause' divorce was invented by some Pharisees who divided up the phrase "a cause of indecency" (Dt.24.1) into two grounds for divorce: "indecency" (porneia which they interpreted as ‘Adultery’) and "a cause" (ie ‘Any Cause’). Jesus said the phrase could not be split up and that it meant "nothing except porneia". Although almost everyone was using this new type of divorce, Jesus told them that it was invalid, so remarriage was adulterous because they were still married.

    The Old Testament allowed divorce for the breaking of marriage vows, including neglect and abuse, based on Exod.21.10f. Jesus was not asked about these biblical grounds for divorce, though Paul alluded to them in 1Cor.7 as the basis of marriage obligations. This book argues that God never repealed these biblical grounds for divorce based on broken marriage vows. They were exemplified by Christ (according to Eph.5.28f) and they became the basis of Christian marriage vows (love, honour, and keep).
  • Finkelstein

    Old Hebrew laws suck, basically if you were beaten by your husband

    continusly but did not commit adultery, you couldn’t divorce him, it was like the laws were written for men in their favour.

  • days of future passed
    days of future passed

    Hi. You probably haven't read anything from the past, that the WT has published about abusive marriages.

    Every story I remember was -

    Woman becomes a JW and is treated badly by the worldly husband and stays with him until 20 years go by and he accepts the truth.

    Woman is married to a JW man and she feels abandoned and lonely. She is counseled to try harder to make him happy because it is her fault. Only then, will her husband treat her right.

    In both cases, the example that the WT presents, is that the woman should suffer spousal abuse for the truth. Whether it is because they are worldly or a JW.

    The stories may not be true, but that is message the WT wants all women to accept.

    It doesn't sound like either of you is having a relationship that is healthy. He needs counseling and maybe medicine - it would probably do him good to escape the WT because it's doctrines can increase feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. Counseling can also benefit you. I'm sorry for both of you being in that religion.

  • smiddy3

    Jrjw Welcome to this site ,many people here can give you good advice without judging you in any way ,keep asking questions here whatever they are and you wont be judged or hauled into a room for a Judicial Committee meeting as you would more likely be told to front at a Kingdom Hall.

    Take care.

  • Jrjw

    Scratchme1010 - a lot more has gone on other than him just suffering with mental health problems. His first wife slit her wrists when she was married to him and when she finally left him she said she'd rather die at Armageddon than be with him. He's an absolute nightmare to deal with and changed to a different person the same day i married him. I've been grabbed and pushed and stopped from leaving the house and going to see my family plus many other things. He lied constantly, he gambled, was argumentative all the time and would look for anything to argue about no matter how petty. I'm by no means claiming i was a perfect jw wife coz once i got to the end of my tether(which takes a lot) i would shout back at him or say really horrible things. I would try to go out for walks to cool off but he'd follow me or text and ring non stop or he'd block me from leaving the house. He emotionally blackmailed me all the time to make me feel like nothing and was so negative and demanding that he sucked the life out of me so I stopped enjoying life. I was bullied from day one And everyone has a breaking point. There was no love on his part at all, think he just wanted sex And for a woman to cook and clean For him.

    The reason I said I'm gonna be stuck on my own is coz he says I have no grounds for separation or divorce by the truths standards. I'm treated differently by people in the congregation coz I've separated from him and they don't know the details they just go by Jehovah's standard on staying together no matter what

  • Confusedalot

    These people leave you in the hands of Jehovah, but from personal experience I can assure you that no amount of prayer and tears can cause Jehovah to help you, even if you are in your darkest our. Because he is a god created by Jehovah's witnesses and not real IMO. He fits their desires for control and sexism, hence you find yourself isolated when the dream crashes.

    If you want something to change you have to find strength in yourself, or other 'real' people that will actually feel empathy when you cry.

  • pale.emperor

    Hi Jrjw

    Lets get something very clear... you're describing an abusive relationship.

    This man is abusing you, maybe not physically, but mentally and emotionally. A marriage, or even a partnership, is two people respecting each other and taking their needs into account. He isn't doing that. He's looking for a woman, a person to have sex with, an emotional punchbag - and to top it all you're both in a religion that lives by ancient Hebrew laws that are stacked in the mans favor. How dare he say you cant separate because you have no grounds!

    You are a woman. You are strong, capable and intelligent - dont let any man or organization tell you you're anything less.

    Unfortunately you're experiencing first hand that Jehovah's Witnesses wont even entertain the idea of divorce unless one of you commit adultery.

    I know exactly what you're going through. My ex-wife has severe OCD and she hid it until we married. My 8 years of marriage was a living hell. Very much like what you've described here. The congregation would assume i was treating her bad when in fact i couldn't have been any kinder. I was being used and my kindness taken advantage of.

    I'll PM you. But first things first, realize that his behavior is unacceptable, and if it's affecting your daughters mental health too then do you really want to raise her around such a person? Mental/emotional abuse is grounds for separation. And if you get professionals involved like a woman's shelter or therapists the Watchtower Society will likely back off from any judicial action.

Share this