Very Lost

by Jrjw 55 Replies latest social relationships

  • Jrjw

    Yes I'm financially able to get by. I have no friends in the world though they're all witnesses. None of my family are in the truth. All of my worldly friends disappeared when I became a jw lol. I never thought I'd be in the situation im in by marrying a jw. He doesn't respect women at all, the amount of times he said to me "he's supposed to be the head" when he wasn't getting his own way. A couple of days after I separated I was walking along the street with the wind on my face And I felt totally free and like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, it was such a nice feeling. I'm sick of comments off well meaning brothers and sisters saying that things will work out for us in time. They don't know what I've been through and I'm not going to go around telling everyone coz I'm not like that and its none of their business anyway lol. I'm at a crossroads in my life now and have some serious thinking to do on where my life is heading next coz I'm not happy in the truth and don't know if I'll be happy out of it either coz it's been my life for 12 years

  • Jrjw

    I don't feel like i can talk to my jw friends anymore either about it coz they always steer the conversation back to us getting back together in the future coz it's Jehovah's way. That's even with them knowing what's gone on. They just say Jehovah will judge him for what he's done and i have to keep myself right In Jehovah's eyes by staying together through it all. How is it fair that I'm expected to live in a nightmare coz my husband lied to get me to marry him and he can't behave properly yet I'm expected to be quiet and suffer and live in misery the rest of my life?

  • Jrjw

    Sorry my posts are so long I'm just venting off my frustration

  • _Morpheus

    Dont sweat the venting, a lot of us have been there. Marriage in jw land is a trap. If its bad your left with zero options, in their eyes, except to cheat and seek a divorce. Its crazy.

    Try to take a step back and give yourself room. You can absolutely divorce and be ok in your own eyes, when your ready. You dont have to decide anything today. Breath easy and take in a little freedom, try to see things objectivly and reach out to us here. Many will be happy to talk and listen. Your not the first or last to go through this and get some needed support :)

  • LisaRose

    Don't worry about long posts, people can read them or not.

    Look, you are fighting for your life here. If you stay in this religion you will either cave to the pressure and go back to your husband, which will not end well for you, or you will live a half life of never really fitting in anymore and having people look down on you. As a person married to a disfellowshipped person that was pretty much my life. It wasn't good for me, and it wasn't good for my children.You should want better for yourself and your children.

    I urge you to look into the history of the Watchtower. I think you will be shocked, as I was, that so much of what they say about themselves are outright lies. If you do this you will lose the illusion that this is "the truth" and free yourself from the tyranny of this organization. My only regret in leaving is that I didn't do it sooner.

  • Vanderhoven7

    I feel for you sister

    But I've got good news for you. There are actually 4 biblical reasons for divorce. The context of Jesus' words apparently limiting divorce to sexual unfaithfulness needs to be examined.

    The Watchtower scholarship is quite limited in this and other areas. Google David instone-Brewer divorce and remarriage for an in-depth scholarly study

  • Finkelstein

    jrjw why be demeaned and oppressed by corrupt men, ?

    The ancient Hebrews which the JWS men try to emulate were also oppressive and cruel to woman, your hurting yourself all for nothing.

    Its 2017 things have changed toward human rights, unfortunately the want for power and control by men continues on to the peril of humanity.

  • a watcher
    a watcher

    Focus on the spiritual health of you and your children, and do whatever you think is necessary to continue serving Jehovah. Move far away from your husband and/or change congregations. As for future relationships, cross that bridge when you come to it.

  • waton
    do whatever you think is necessary to continue serving Jehovah. Move far away from --

    the idea that your life should be focussed on the wt slavery aka serving god. You are doing yourself a disservice that way. Sooner or later this former torturer of yours will succumb to the urging of his hormones, and you would be wt free to remarry. but why let yourself be ruled by those artificial, even barely biblical rules?

    Your trouble is, you might seek out (without realizing it) the same personality type again. Take advice of many counsellors.

  • scratchme1010
    Now I have to try to accept that i am going to be lonely for the rest of my life since I can't go into another relationship. Its so cruel that he lied to get me to marry him and I have to suffer coz of it. I'm only 34. I was so happy in the truth til I married him

    First, sorry that you seem hurt. Has to be very difficult to be in a situation where you were mislead (somewhat, since at the end seems like he was right since you are separated, but that's besides the point).

    Second, please know that this is not a forum for active JWs, so if you still are and active JW, and you don't mention anything about your standing with that organization, I hope that you accept our understanding and support keeping in mind that some of use have and want nothing to do with that organization.

    That out of the way, I hope that you can put your pain aside and manage to see things from a more realistic way. Seems like your relationship with that man was your entire world, and seemingly that includes your own being a JW (You were happy in the truth until you married him?). I'm putting aside my own feelings and opinions for that organization, but why does your relationship with him gets in that way in your relationship with the god you worship?

    My point is that it seems like you are giving that relationship too much power. Thinking the way JWs do, nothing is supposed to hinder your relationship with your Jehovah, and during hard times is when you are supposed to hold on to him, not the other way around.

    I think that your JW training, and maybe your own upbringing may be promoting this all-or-nothing, black-and-white mentality that is very common in people who follow christian religions.

    1. Yes, he lied, he lied about MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES. As much as you are suffering, I'm not sure that you are being completely fair about his own suffering and self esteem right now, particularly since he lost you.
    2. I know that living with a person with a mental disability, knowing that person as such, is quite a monumental burden to carry, as much as you love that person. Entering a marriage without knowing has to be horrible. HOWEVER, him entering the marriage with the responsibility of disclosing that, knowing the risk of what he did, on top of having to deal with not one, not two, three mental health diagnoses, has to be quite horrible for himself.

    Why am I talking about him and not you? Because you are acting like a perfect JW in your relationship. You are making it about "he lied to me", claiming that your own life (if you are a JW and your relationship with your Jehovah seems to be ending because of him, that means in JW-ese that your life is over, no paradise, no eternity, no nothing) is over because of him. For real? You think that a failed relationship completely destroyed your ability to form another one in the future, have a family, and even your own faith and your own chance of living forever? And all because he lied to you about a health condition (ok, three)?

    I think that you are too hurt to realize that you are making a catastrophe out of a failed relationship. He does not have the power to destroy your life, you do.

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