Very Lost

by Jrjw 55 Replies latest social relationships

  • Jrjw

    Hi I've been a jw for 12 years and got married 2 years ago. I'm now separated. My husband hid from me that he suffered from depression, extreme anxiety issues and a personality disorder. He said i wouldn't have married him if he'd told me. He changed the day we got married and made my life a living nightmare right from day one til i finally broke down and couldn't take anymore. He's sucked the life out of me and affected my spirituality really badly. Now I have to try to accept that i am going to be lonely for the rest of my life since I can't go into another relationship. Its so cruel that he lied to get me to marry him and I have to suffer coz of it. I'm only 34. I was so happy in the truth til I married him

  • fastJehu
    Now I have to try to accept that i am going to be lonely for the rest of my life since I can't go into another relationship. Its so cruel that he lied to get me to marry him and I have to suffer coz of it. I'm only 34.

    Would Jesus want that?

    Would Jesus want you to be unhappy for decades?

    Look - what he said about all this man-made rules:

    (Matthew 23:23, 24) 23 “Woe to YOU, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! because YOU give the tenth of the mint and the dill and the cumin, but YOU have disregarded the weightier matters of the Law, namely, justice and mercy and faithfulness. These things it was binding to do, yet not to disregard the other things. 24 Blind guides, who strain out the gnat but gulp down the camel!

  • Londo111

    It is probably a good time to take this opportunity and examine the organization you are apart of, whose interpretation and rules of marriage govern your life and happiness. Is this the truth? What if it were not? How would you live your life? Would it give you more opportunities to find happiness?

  • Jrjw

    Its confusing coz the only grounds For divorce and remarriage are adultery. I wouldn't be scripturally divorced. I know I'm not emotionally recovered from what I've been through to be in another relationship yet but if I met a nice man in the future I'd be completely torn in two. I also know another jw brother wouldn't come near me if I'm not scripturally divorced so my only option would be a worldly man and the bible says marry only in the Lord. This is why I'm so lost

  • LisaRose

    I am sorry you had to go through that, it must have been a nightmare. I was very unhappily married for twenty eight years, so I feel for you, I know the toll it takes on you both mentally and emotionally.

    I eventually realized that no God worth worshipping would expect me to live like that, and any religion that would expect it isn't worth belonging to. The fact that they were so wrong about forcing people to stay in bad marriages helped me see it wasn't "the truth" at all. I left him and the Jehovah's Witnesses and didn't look back. I've been very happily married to the love of my life for seventeen years now.

    you dont have to be lonely, you really dont.

  • doublespeak

    Hello Jrjw,
    You must feel so robbed. I know someone who went through almost the exact scenario. I don't know how she coped.
    For yourself, it might be a terrible time to try to tell you that every cloud has a silver lining but I would wager that there is indeed one for you. If you've posted here on this forum, I would guess that you might eventually be willing to question the idea that you must remain lonely for the rest of your life.

    These boundaries are only set by your belief system are they not? If you have the courage to really put into question your 12 years of study, if you are willing to confront some difficult topics, you will come out of this on top.
    Hang in there Jrjw (and welcome to the forum)

  • Jrjw

    He's still adamant we'll get back together and tries to emotionally blackmail me with the truth all the time. I wouldn't be in this situation if he hadn't lied so much in the first place. He said he wanted to be married, i don't think he was bothered who it was to. A lot of brothers And sisters at the hall treat me differently now and feel pity for him coz of the lies he's told about me to make himself look like the wounded party. He's been before the elders for lying but it was after he'd damaged my good reputation. He's even telling people we're working on reconciling when we're not. I'm not stupid enough to get back with him again and break down completely. He had me miserable and completely drained emotionally and mentally and spiritually to the point I considered leaving the truth to get away from the marriage coz everyone kept telling me i have to stay with him no matter what he did. I have 2 kids to look after 1 who isn't his and he had my daughter thinking about suicide coz of seeing how he treated me. Everything's a right mess coz of him yet he still thinks we'll get back together and harasses me about it

  • freddo

    1. Stay away from him. Are you financially able to get by? Plan this.

    2. Don't rush. Ignore the phone and any calls from unwanted callers. Just enjoy the "freedom" from being under his/the elders control.

    3. Take your time and ask away on here.

  • Crazyguy

    I would move on with your life get remarried if that’s what you want and live your life to it’s fullest. You only live once, don’t waste it.

    As far as religious beliefs are concerned the Bible has been changed over the centuries to fit the ideas of the church leaders. Many of the things in the Bible today were not there 500 years ago. If you want to check one as an example go to Revelations 5:9-10 in your Greek interlinear. In the original Greek you’ll find that they are not mentioned as kings and do not reign over the earth but on it as priest.

    Then ask yourself if Jesus would really want you to destroy your life and future because of a liar? Is that loving ?

  • Finkelstein

    I would dump this individual as soon as you can, look out for a good honest resepecful man, doesn’t have to be JWS either.

    Your only 34 you have lots of time ahead of you.

    JWS men are known to treat woman as lower class with less respect anyway, thats the way the regligon has indoctrinated men to think and behave.

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