Looking back, I definitely prefer knowing the truth about the truth instead of remaining ignorant.
It was tough getting to this stage in life. I'm a 29 y.o. born-in, baptized at 16, awake for 2 years now. I took the initial awakening hard. I've always been a think-before-you-act and "Primum non nocere"-type person. So it was rough holding in all my new knowledge without being able to take action. I went through stage of anger and suicidal depression. I kept it all to myself, except for the bits and pieces I shared on here. I started loosing sleep, felt sick more often, shit blood, and was generally in a down-and-out mood. I couldn't concentrate at work and had no motivation.
The only dependence I have on JWs is the emotional ties to my friends and family, and in particular one friend who's stuck it out with me till now. I think this will come to an end soon because I think that, although he truly loves me as a friend, he's hoping that providing me with good association, I'll come back. While I'm thinking just the opposite.
Looking back on my journey to this point, I'm surprised how ignorant I was, but I wouldn't change the journey. It was necessary to experience it to begin getting my life back, the life I never had. And I've still got quite a journey to go. I'm now on an upward swing. I've opened up some about what's happening with me to my closest friends and my wife. My wife has stopped attending meetings, although she mentions going sometimes. Neither of us go in service. I'm happier. I don't suffer from as many bouts of depression. My health is much better. Work is better. I can't complain.
I'm sure I'll have another setback once it comes out into the open for everyone that I'm no longer a JW and have no intentions of coming back, but I'll handle that when I get there.